Tuesday, September 30, 2008


Children Singing For Obama

Oh, no, this isn't creepy at all:

Nah, not remotely creepy. Because indoctrinating your kids with political ideology before they're old enough to understand it is the most natural thing in the world:

When it's done in the name of Pol Pot or Mussolini, it's called brainwashing. When it's done in the name of Obama, though, I suppose they call it "church."

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Monday, September 29, 2008


More Surgery / More Vista Hatred

I've blogged about this before, but I have the need to say it again.

There are no words to describe the nightmare that Windows Vista has made of my life. I hate this OS more deeply and more adamantly than I've ever hated anything in my life. Widows Vista is to PCs what cancer is to human bodies.

Also, I have to have more bladder surgery on October 16th. I think this is primarily an exploratory thing, and to get any cancer cells that might still be hanging around. I'm dreading it.

And that is all.

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Sunday, September 28, 2008


Crappy, Racist Toothpaste

First of all, no, I'm not one of those guilt-ridden, pasty white liberals who stares into his navel, contemplating racism.

So there's that.

Having said that, I want to say that Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste is crappy, racist toothpaste.

I learned about this product from one of the blogs I read, The Impulsive Buy. You'll find it in my blogroll.

The pictures to the right are actual pictures of Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste, and I think that the very appearance of the product is probably enough to get most people to agree with me that it's crappy toothpaste. Crappy looking, anyway.

I don't think I'd have the courage to put this product in my mouth.

But it's the product's marketing campaign that reveals it to be racist.

Watch this insensitive, ugly television commercial for Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste:

What, exactly, is the message of that commercial? All I can get out of it is "Black men scare children and their mothers. Black men will take your balloon. When black men roll over and go to sleep they look like giant turds on top of toothbrushes. Buy our product!"

On the upside, I guess, the commercial does seem to imply that black men are super awesome climbers.

I'm offended by that commercial on behalf of the black men I know, none of whom have ever taken my balloon or scared my children. And they look like angels when they sleep, not like giant toothbrush turds at all.

Not that I sneak around peeking into windows watching black men sleep, and not that I plan to do it again next Tuesday night.

So I think we have to boycott Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste. As of now I pledge to only use white toothpaste.

Wait a minute ... let me think this through.

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Saturday, September 27, 2008


Paul Newman

The legendary actor, one of my favorites, has passed away at the age of 83.

"He was smiling... That's right. You know, that, that Luke smile of his. He had it on his face right to the very end. Hell, if they didn't know it 'fore, they could tell right then that they weren't a-gonna beat him. That old Luke smile. Ol' Luke. He was some boy. Cool Hand Luke. Hell, he's a natural-born world-shaker."

- From Cool Hand Luke.

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Yo-Ho, Yo-Ho

On Friday the 19th, my unseen friend drew our attention to Talk Like A Pirate Day.

Some people are dragging it out and simply taking this pirate thing too far. Some people are acting like pirates.

My friend the Governor, who refuses to start what would be a wonderfully readable blog, no matter how I prod and poke him, sent me these two stories. So since he ain't postin' 'em, I'm stealin' 'em:

Mystery Surrounds Hijacked Iranian Ship:
A tense standoff is underway in northeastern Somalia between pirates, Somali authorities, and Iran over a suspicious merchant vessel and its mysterious cargo. Hijacked late last month in the Gulf of Aden, the MV Iran Deyanat remains moored offshore in Somali waters and inaccessible for inspection. Its declared cargo consists of minerals and industrial products, however, Somali and regional officials directly involved in the negotiations over the ship and who spoke to The Long War Journal are convinced that it was heading to Eritrea to deliver small arms and chemical weapons to Somalia's Islamist insurgents...

Suspicion has also been cast on the ship's crew, half of which is almost entirely staffed by Iranians - a large percentage of Iranian nationals for a standard merchant vessel...

... Independent sources tell The Long War Journal that a number of pirates have also died. "Yes, some of them have died. I do not know exactly how many but the information that I am getting is that some of them have died..."

(Puntland Minister of Minerals and Oil Hassan) Osman also confirmed to The Long War Journal that during the six days he negotiated with the pirates members of the syndicate had become sick and died. "That ship is unusual," he said. "It is not carrying a normal shipment."

Why isn't the MSM covering this? It seems really important.

Then, there's this:

Somali pirates seize Tomex of Odessa owned carrier with 30 Soviet-era T-72 tanks
The carrier is owned and managed by Tomex of Odessa. On board the ship were 21 people on board: 17 Ukrainians, three Russians and a Latvian. The ship was shipping military hardware, including some 30 T-72 tanks and spare parts for armored vehicles for the troubled government of Southern Sudan...

Insurgents might pose the biggest threat ever to the Ethiopian soldiers supporting the TFG government. If they seize and use the arms which have been the case with some ships seized by the pirates, they will form a very powerful front and certainly overrun the government and the Ethiopian forces. This will lead to the return of Islamic courts Union which have been ruling the country before the Ethiopians came in.

All the emphasis in those two stories was mine.

I'd really like to have some idea why the MSM doesn't make an effort to really bring these things to our attention. This is a very unpredictable series of developments in very dangerous areas involving a number of warring factions.

It's important. Isn't it?

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Friday, September 26, 2008


David Blaine Is The Most Awesomest Magic Dude Ever

(Note: I promise, the brief political bit here is played entirely for laughs. I'm laying off politics for a while in a desperate, flagrant, obvious attempt to get my four-or-so readers back.)

David Blaine is probably the world's greatest magician. Well, maybe he's really more an alchemist than a magician. He's figured out a way to turn nothing interesting at all into money, power and fame. And that's real magic.

In 2005, Forbes called Blaine the the 98th most powerful celebrity in the world. That's not quite as powerful as that Malcolm in the Middle kid, but clearly more powerful than Amanda Bynes.

David's most recent spectacle involved hanging upside down for a long time and then pretending to drop. Apparently, most people who saw the trick responded with boos/yawns. Something must have went wrong, and David Blaine says that it's all Dubya's fault. The emphasis below is mine.
Magician David Blaine pulled a string of excuses out of his sleeve to explain why his latest high-profile stunt went wrong - even blaming President Bush's Wednesday night prime-time speech.

A day after finishing his latest "trick" - hanging upside down over Central Park for 60 hours before taking a "Dive of Death" from a 44-foot-high platform, a TMZ.com cameraman asked Blaine why the stunt went awry...

"...because of the president's speech, my show was delayed 15 minutes and all of the wind picked up," he said.

The (hanging like a) bat thing lost some luster when Blaine started taking breaks every hour to stand on his own two feet.

Shortly after 11 p.m., Blaine nodded and smiled to hundreds of fans watching the stunt as they screamed, "Jump! Jump!" and, "Do it!"
The screams for Blaine to "Jump! Do it!" might not have been related to the trick.

I've really got to say, this is the last straw with Dubya, as far as I'm concerned.

First he stole the 2000 election, probably by dropping in on a wire like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible ...

... then he started a fictitionous war in the desert paradise of Iraq by telling a bunch of vicious lies ...

... then he borrowed the Sorcerer's hat and conjured up Hurricane Katrina ...

... and I've always suspected that Dubya kidnapped the Lindburgh baby.

But now he's gone too far. Ordering his cabal of fascist Neocon cronies to sabotage David Blaine is just beyond the pale. Dubya MUST be impeached. Impeached, severely scolded, hosed down with cold water and beaten with a rake.

Of course, Dubya is far too stupid to have pulled it off by himself. This smells like Dick. Dick Cheney, of course, must be responsible.

Blaine's magic is amazing. I'm not even sure how to describe some of his acomplishments. But I'll try.

David Blaine has:

Future stunts he's considering include

Personally, I can't wait. If anyone is capable of actually doing all of this nothing and getting paid for it, it's gotta be Blaine.

*Totally unrelated, extremely obscure sidenote about Beloved... next time you go to the fridge and find nothing to pour on your cereal, the best way to react is to put on a huge frowny-face and say, in your mopiest voice, "They took my milk. Them boys, they took my milk."

HT to Rey, although he might prefer to be unacknowledged, for getting me thinking about the ridiculousness of Beloved. I hope I've tied the topic into this post in a spurious and confusing way, as is befitting that particular movie.

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Thursday, September 25, 2008


Joke Couture

In response to a question from MCF, I recently said that I expect to see a number of people dressed as The Joker this Halloween. Specifically, Chris Nolan's vision of Batman's arch-nemesis, as memorably portrayed by Heath Ledger in The Dark Knight.

And, really, this is the costume that goth kids have been waiting for. All the elements are there:Do a Google Image search for "Joker Costume" and you'll find a ton of images. And you gotta love the irony of someone disguising his or her identity, only to tell us volumes about his or her real life. Here are a few of my favorites:

Is there anything sadder than a goth kid, all alone, in heavy makeup, taking his own picture in the bathroom? Yes. A goth kid, all alone, in heavy makeup, taking his own picture in the bathroom with mom's pink camera.

This guy basically gets it right, I gotta admit. The whacked-out expression, the slap-dash makeup, the dirty hair. This kid probably does have issues.

Well, the makeup isn't right for starters. The Joker in the movie had a more disheveled look, his makeup was usually pretty worn, sometimes barely there, and looked like he'd had it on for days. This kid looks like he's just applied about six pounds of makeup. Not to mention the "doe in the headlights" look really detracts from the menace of the Joker's look. the wig is a bit much, too. And posing in front of all those snapshots of that adorable baby ... man, that's the last straw right there. Sorry, Joker, the aesthetic is all wrong.

I call this one Joker! At The Disco.

Pretty cool; a sort of hybrid between Bob Kane's original concept and the new Joker look. This guy is probably more comics geek than goth kid. Kudos.

Oh, come on, dude. You gotta belong to it. The facial hair has got to go. You can grow back your awesome goatee in a week. Shave or don't bother. Otherwise, you're just a reminder of the lamest Joker ever, Caesar Romero, who didn't bother to shave his mustache. Pick a look, Junior. You can't be both The Joker and the drummer in Cold.

Is he dozing off? This guy apparently sleeps in his joker make-up. And he apparently sleeps in a chair because he's too lazy to clean that junk off his bed.

What, you couldn't afford the makeup to do the costume right? Spend all your money on Linkin Park posters? And why do I get the feeling that the white box on the futon contained that mail-order purple coat?

Oh, where do I begin. The posture is all wrong. If someone's gonna take your picture in your Joker costume, don't sit like you're one of fifteen kids waiting for the librarian to read The Brave Little Toaster. Secondly, if your hair isn't right, you should accept that you can't pull off the Joker's look. this guy looks more like Obama than Batman's enemy. A Joker we can believe in?

I'm not sure what's supposed to be going on here, but it probably involves Ecstasy.

Wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. Wrong. The whole point of the Joker's look is MAKEUP, not a mask. Wear MAKEUP if you're gonna dress like the Joker. Otherwise, what's the point? Can't decide who you like more, The Joker or Slipknot? Go home, dummy.

This last one isn't Joker related, it's just a bonus:

"Look, Magneto, I've had a long day. Don't make me get out of this chair."

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Wednesday, September 24, 2008


Bear Left

Thanks to The Unseen One for sending me the photo below and bringing my attention to a disturbing trend in the wildlife world.

I've mentioned before that I have a lot of affection for bears, I just think that they're awesome animals. So I hate to see what's happening with their species now:

Some bears are apparently abandoning self-sufficiency and joining the Democratic party. This bear appears to be content to sit and wait for the government to provide for him.

When asked for a comment, the bear simply held out his paw and said "Honey? Pik-a-nik basket? Health care?"

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Make Me Babies!

So I stumbled across this website, Make Me Babies, where you can upload pictures of any man and any woman and see what the couple's theoretical child would look like.

The website claims to use some sort of high tech computerfied programming thing. Probably has something to do with lasers.


I couldn't resist messing around with it a little bit. But I didn't want to upload my own picture, of course. If the babies turned out ugly I'd have nobody but myself to blame. So I decided on an easy target, Senator Obama.

I couldn't decide on a woman for the Senator to hypothetically reproduce with, though ... so I just narrowed it down to three of the world's most famous ladies.

First, I generated the theoretical offspring of Barack and Madonna. I named the little baby Baradonna. Make Me Babies came up with this:

I dunno. Doesn't look much like Obama or Madonna if you ask me.

But the website says it's all technical and stuff, so I'll take their word for it.

Then I uploaded a picture of one of Barack's best known and most beloved supporters, Oprah Winfrey. I named the baby Obarah.

Again, I don't see it. You'd think two people as attractive as Oprah and Barack would turn out a prettier baby than that. That child is hideous.

Last but not least I couldn't resist uploading a picture of Hillary Clinton. According to the high tech computerfied technological stuff at the website, this is what the hypothetical love-child of Barack and Hillary would look like:

Oh, crap. I hope I haven't opened up a can of worms with that one.

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Tuesday, September 23, 2008


Mouse Turds N' Porn

I don't blog much about local stuff. There are a couple of bloggers in my blogroll who do a great job of it, though. Roanoke R&R covers local happenings from a perspective that I always enjoy, and The Roanoke Slant keeps an eye on the fishwrapper that passes for a newspaper 'round these parts.

But there have been a few things that have popped up in the local news recently that I thought I ought to mention.

Historic downtown Roanoke is a great place to visit if you want to tour some interesting museums, meet some interesting people, and eat some interesting mouse feces:
On Friday, the health department discovered a rodent problem in the food court located in the city market building. As a result, the department suspended the food operation license.

While the inside was being cleaned, the city left little explanation as to what prompted what they called a "fall cleanup."

As it turns out, however, there was a lot more to Saturday's closing than a routine cleanup. Roanoke Mayor David Bowers calls the situation "serious."

...When News7 asked Mayor Bowers if the city was misleading downtown visitors by calling the cleaning a "fall cleanup," he responded "I don't know."
"I don't know" is Roanoke politics-speak for "Please, please don't ask me no more of them hard questions, mister."

Then there's this bit from Floyd county, Virginia:
Floyd County school officials are investigating a display of pornographic images during a student club meeting.

The incident occurred Friday during a Students Against Destructive Decisions club meeting at Floyd County High School. A laptop computer used during the meeting displayed several seconds of pornographic images before school officials intervened.

Principal Barry Hollandsworth sent a letter to parents notifying them of the incident, which Hollandsworth said he regretted.
Given the gravity of the situation and the serious questions raised, the Students Against Destructive Decisions club issued a statement that read "WHOOOOO HOOOOOO!"

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The Biggest Skeleton In Obama's Closet

The other day I mentioned an ad featuring Gianna Jessen, a young woman who survived a botched abortion 31 years ago. As a survivor of abortion, Gianna's perspective regarding Barak Obama's stance on the issue is unique. Here, Gianna talks more about her remarkable life and her efforts to shine a light on Barak Obama's reprehensible positions on infants born alive after abortion:

You may have read here about Obama's shameful legislative record regarding proposals to protect infants born alive after botched abortions. Put simply, Obama has voted repeatedly to have those babies killed rather than pass a law to protect them. Obama's position is that such a law might hypothetically present a legal challenge to Roe. V. Wade.

I've quoted his staggeringly mind-numbing legalize on the topic before. Here it is again. This is verbatim; the very pearls of wisdom from the lips of the Chosen One:

"There was some suggestion that we might be able to craft something that might meet constitutional muster with respect to caring for fetuses or children who were delivered in this fashion. Unfortunately, this bill goes a little bit further, and so … this is probably not going to survive constitutional scrutiny. Number one, whenever we define a pre-viable fetus as a person that is protected by the equal protection clause or other elements in the Constitution, what we’re really saying is, in fact, that they are persons that are entitled to the kinds of protections that would be provided to a — a child, a nine-month-old — child that was delivered to term. That determination, then, essentially, if it was accepted by a court, would forbid abortions to take place. I mean, it — it would essentially bar abortions, because the equal protection clause does not allow somebody to kill a child, and if this is a child, then this would be an antiabortion statute."
Um.... WTF? You Chicago lawyers can speak at least a little English, right?

If abortion matters to you, and if you have a hard time supporting a candidate like Obama who's stance on this issue is the most radical of any Democratic party candidate ever, you should visit BornAliveTruth.org for more information.

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Monday, September 22, 2008


Gene Simmons

Gene Simmons is an awesome guy. Along with being a founding member of Kiss, he's unabashedly patriotic and hawkish on foreign policy.

I don't think we need to worry about Kiss doing an Obama fund raising show.

Gene was recently on NBC's Today show talking about his new non-musical, non-political role as the spokesperson for the AARP. That's right, Gene Simmons is the spokesperson for the the AARP. Eat your heart out, Madonna.

He also manages to slip in a quick salute to the veterans at Walter Reed and takes a cellphone call from his mom:

By the way, Alice Cooper and Ted Nugent are also conservative, thoughtful and charming in interviews.

And I've suspected for a while now, based on the way he bashes hippies and pop culture in his lyrics, that Marilyn Manson is a little bit of a closet right-winger. And the guy is outstanding in interviews. He always seems composed, reflective and very smart. He and I would disagree with regard to the method of his critique of religion ... and yeah, his image is over the top ... but the guy is really smart and I agree with more of what he says than not.

At any rate, each of these guys is a lot more interesting and seem a great deal smarter than the typical left-wing crybaby singing monkeys you see on television.

Take that, Dixie Chicks.

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Some Liberals Can't Abide Obama's Latest Lies

Senator Tila Tequila is really worried about November. His most recent attack ads and stump speeches are among his most deceitful ever. When the going got tough, the Chosen One revealed himself to be just another politician.

Even some notoriously liberal "news" sources feel compelled to speak out about Obama's current low-blow tactics.

All of the emphasis below is mine.

Newsweek calls Obama out on his lies about social security:
In Daytona Beach, Obama said that "if my opponent had his way, the millions of Floridians who rely on it would've had their Social Security tied up in the stock market this week." He referred to "elderly women" at risk of poverty, and said families would be scrambling to support "grandmothers and grandfathers."

That's not true. The plan proposed by President Bush and supported by McCain in 2005 would not have allowed anyone born before 1950 to invest any part of their Social Security taxes in private accounts. All current retirees would be covered by the same benefits they are now.

The Washington Post must have felt that Obama's lies about health care, immigration and racism are too contemptible to ignore:
On immigration, Obama is running a Spanish-language ad that unfairly lumps McCain together with Rush Limbaugh -- and quotes Limbaugh out of context. On health care, Obama misleadingly accuses McCain of wanting to impose a $3.6 trillion tax hike on employer-provided insurance...

To Democrats who worry about whether their nominee is willing to do whatever it takes to win: You can calm down.

New Hampshire's UnionLeader has gone after Obama, too, over his lies about John McCain's economic policies:
On Thursday, Obama said of McCain, "He has consistently opposed the sorts of common-sense regulations that might have lessened the current crisis." That's entirely untrue.

As The Washington Post pointed out in an editorial on Friday, McCain in fact has supported many new regulations of financial institutions, including some that Obama opposed. "In 2006, he pushed for stronger regulation of Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac -- while Mr. Obama was notably silent," The Post wrote.

Obama has gone so far as to accuse those of us who've quoted his record on abortion of lying. Sorry, Barak, but your legislative voting record speaks for itself, as does your history of shockingly radical public statements in defense of your votes.

Paul, the Regular Guy has pointed out that some Daily Kos style leftists defend lying, cheating and stealing in the name of Obama's campaign, saying that "...times are too tough, and Palin/Cheney's view of gov. is too extreme to play by the rules."

It's a genuine comfort to see that there are liberals who don't feel that way.

You know, maybe Obama actually is capable of bringing Americans together.

Nothing unites like a common enemy.

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Sunday, September 21, 2008


So Let It Be Written, So Let It Be Done

I'm still celebrating the release of the first outstanding Metallica album in almost two decades.

I've been exchanging e-mails with a few friends about the new album, and we got on the topic of how to rank each Metallica album from best to least. I decided to post my list here for the heck of it.

But first, a list of qualities that qualify me to make such a list:

And so, in order to satisfy the clamoring* for my official ranking of Metallica's albums, here's the list:

The Official SouthCon Metallica Album Ranking

* ... Note: Author apparently has no idea what the word "clamoring" means.

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MCF is quizzin' us again:

1) What do you think will be the most popular Halloween costumes this year?
I'd imagine that there'll be tons of Joker costumes and Harvey Dent constumes out there this year.

With two new polarizing, high-profile politicians on the national scene, I'd bet that there'll be lots of people dressed as them. The Obama masks I've seen on the net look awful; that one I linked to looks more like OJ than Obama. And even though I didn't see any commercial costumes based on Sarah Palin's distinctive look when I searched the net just now, I'd expect to see a ton of homemade Palin costumes.

The fake Sasquatch news story from this August might cause an increase in the number of bigfoot costumes out there this year.

Personally, though, I don't think that any of these costumes can top the princess/wrestler look.

2) Do you recall the first time you received an e-mail, and what it was?
I don't even recall the first e-mail I read today.

3) What would be your ideal life after retirement?
I don't expect to ever retire. I just hope that my death occurs at home or in a medical environment and not at work.

But if I did retire, I'd like to spend my free days sitting on the porch, sipping a cold one and yelling at the damn kids to keep off my lawn.

4) Who are your three favorite recurring commercial characters?
I'd have a hard time picking three "favorites," I'm largely indifferent to TV advertising. But...

Joe Isuzu is probably the greatest ever.

The Burger King makes me laugh and creeps me out that the same time.

The odd series of 7-Up commercials featuring Orlando Jones was fairly funny.

And the "I'm a mac, I'm a PC" commercials are pretty good, especially the ones that make fun of the nightmarish hell that is Vista:

I've always knocked Macs in the past, like many PC devotees might do. But ever since the beginning of Vista's dark reign I've kinda wished I was a Mac guy.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: Who made Blake black and why?
I'd guess that Blade is black simply because the character's creators envisioned him that way.

You misspelled Blade, by the way, but it looks like a simple typo. Just never let it happen again.

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Friday, September 19, 2008


If Ever I Would Stop Thinking About Music And Politics...

(With apologies to Disposable.)

I don't listen to Rush Limbaugh much because the guy is an asshole. I do agree with a number of his opinions, but he always makes people who believe the things I believe look bad. I can't stand the guy.

Yesterday, though, I decided to turn on Limbaugh's show on the way home from work because, you know, it's close to election day and news stories break every couple of hours.

Anyway, Limbaugh mentioned that the Grateful Dead are going to be doing a reunion show as an Obama benefit and that their guest musicians at the show will include Gregg Allman, Butch Trucks, Jaimoe, Warren Haynes, Derek Trucks, Marc Quinones, Oteil Burbridge and Jeff Chimenti.

Limbaugh couldn't even properly pronounce Oteil's last name. Oteil, by the way, is a great bass player. And you might already know how I feel about Warren Haynes and his band Gov't Mule.

Limbaugh dismissed the concert and called everyone involved a bunch of "has-beens."

I'm not sure how Limbaugh defines "has-been," but musicians in the prime of their creativity don't qualify as "has-beens" in my opinion.

I guess you can get away with dismissing the surviving members of the Grateful Dead as "has-beens" because, well, Garcia was the only member of that band with any real talent, anyway. The rest of the band was only good for grating vocals and seven hour drum solos.

But Warren Haynes, Derek Trucks and Oteil Burbridge are at the absolute TOP of their game. Those guys are amazing. Dismissing them as "has-beens" is just another instance of Limbaugh running his mouth about something he doesn't know anything about. I've noticed that he almost always does that when he talks about music or movies ... or anything other than sports or politics.

Besides, 99.999% of the rock musicians in the world are liberals. That's just how it works for some reason. And how much Ted Nugent can a conservative guy listen to before you just never want to hear Stranglehold again? If I wanted to listen to music by reliably conservative musicians I'd be stuck with modern country radio. I'd rather gouge my eyes out.

Oh, and about that bumper-music clip from the Pretenders that Limbaugh has used for years ... I'd bet you anything that Chrissie Hynde is an Obama gal.

I never really liked My City Was Gone, but now it's worse because every time I hear it, about fifteen seconds in I expect to hear some douchebag start ranting about having half his brain tied behind his back.

So I turned off Limbaugh out of disgust and heard on the news how Michelle Obama is urging people not to vote for a candidate just because "she's cute."

A clear swipe at Sarah Palin. Mrs. O tried to say that she was actually referring to "herself," but that means that she's either a transparent liar OR she actually thinks she's on the ticket.

Either way, Michelle Obama is vacuous and obnoxious. I've disliked her for a year and a half now and every time she opens her mouth publicly she gives me yet another reason to dislike her.

Boy, I just can't friggin' wait to hear four years of news stories about this biddy's shenanigans while she's the First Lady.

So then I get home and log onto the net and find out that R. Kelly has been acquitted of the charges against him. HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN? The guy VIDEO TAPED HIMSELF having sex with underage girls. That video tape WAS EVIDENCE IN THE TRIAL, and he was ACQUITTED? Who was on the jury? Michael Jackson and Jerry Lee Lewis? I guess that would be a jury of his peers, wouldn't it?

Somebody wake me when it's 1986.

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Thursday, September 18, 2008


A Deal With The Devil?

Snopes will neither confirm nor deny, but I get the BIGGEST kick out of this:
On or about October 5th, Biden will excuse himself from the ticket, citing health problems, and he will be replaced by Hillary. This is timed to occur after the VP debate on 10/2.

I love it! I absolutely LOVE it!

If this turns out to be true I'd almost have to consider voting for Obama. If he's really sold his soul to the Clintons He'd DESERVE to spend four years in the White House with them breathing down his neck. Oh, that'd be SOOOO funny.

How hilarious would it be to watch President Obama develop facial ticks and twitches? Wouldn't you love to see him with huge bags under his eyes every day from losing sleep over the prospect of being Vince-Fostered? Imagine him having to explain and excuse Bill Clinton's constant public outbursts? Oh, so funny. So funny.

The potential for comedy is tremendous! As a conservative it'd be awful, but as a blogger who tries to be funny, I feel soooo conflicted.

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My Awesome Music

After more than two weeks of literally listening to nothing but the outstanding new Metallica album I finally got a little tired of it. So today when I sat down to read blogs n' junk, I threw together a quick playlist for the Media Player.

About half way through it I began to realize that it was a REALLY, REALLY GOOD playlist. Not only the best one I've put together in a long while, but one of the best playlists I've ever even heard.

And as I sat there contemplating the talent in this playlist that I'd put together I only had one clear thought in my head: "Damn, I'm awesome."

I finally decided that it would be downright irresponsible not to share this playlist with the world. Here's a quick, sloppy screen-grab. Just in case you're ever trying to assemble the worlds most awesomest playlist, these are the songs you'll need:

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Stealth Cat Action

Did you see those eyes? Man, what an intense cat. I'd be terrified to live with that thing. Every time I glanced down and saw this staring up at me I'd probably have a coronary.

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Wednesday, September 17, 2008


The Big Scramble

I still think that Obama is gonna win the election. 2008 can't give me everything I want, can it? This year has already handed me this and this. There's no way things can go my way in November, too.

Still, I'm enjoying watching the Obama campaign's scramble to get back on top.

"Change isn't about slogans. It's about substance," Obama told a crowd in Grand Junction, Colorado. I wonder if he realizes how funny that is, coming from him, to those of us who realize that his "substance" is slogans. And empty bluster. And faulty thinking.

This, from the most prompter-dependent candidate to ever grab his party's nomination. Geez, those big, impressive speeches aren't really so impressive when you realize that he's just reading. I mean, damn. Even Slick Willie memorized most of his speeches, didn't he?

This from a guy who went to Germany and announced that he was a "citizen of the world." . Apparently this Ivy League lawyer doesn't know what the word "citizen" means:
Cit-i-zen: Noun. a native or naturalized member of a state or nation who owes allegiance to its government and is entitled to its protection.
So, see, right there ... you can't be a citizen of the world. You can only be a citizen of a nation, state, city, etc.

This, from a guy who's most recent campaign ads are vacuous and dishonest.

I have to love being hectored about "substance" by a guy who gave his very symbolic acceptance speech on the anniversary of Dr. Martin Luther King's speech. Especially considering how some of Dr. King's family feels about this less than remarkable politician:
“Senator Obama’s answer to the ills of society, of higher government spending, weaker national defense, continued tax dollars to Planned Parenthood, and support of gay marriage, are diametrically opposed to everything African Americans truly believe and an anathema to the dream of Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr."
So says Dr. Alveda King.

Substance? We're talking here about a guy who promises to bring sweeping change to DC. But when you read the fine print, Obama's promised foreign policy is essentially the same as the policies of George W. Bush.

I think that the panic is setting in because the Senator's campaign realizes that having the Olbermann-watching far left slobbering over their guy isn't going to be enough. Having the MSM ready to cover up your every misdeed isn't enough, either. In the end, it has to "play in Peoria," as they say.

Really, it's pretty funny. The far left has spent the past six months strutting around like roosters, absolutely convinced that their guy was going to win. Now they've hit the panic button. They're already accusing McCain of stealing the election. More than a month early!

And as far as the MSM goes, you'd think that Sarah Palin were running unopposed for PotUS. It's gotta be killing Senator Tila Tequila not to be in the spotlight anymore.

And what's with those polls? A month ago Obama was up by a zillion points. Now McCain is pulling ahead in some places and running in a dead heat elsewhere.

And Barack's campaign barely has time to figure out how to spin one slip when they're hit out of the blue with something they simply can't respond to. And that would be Obama's support for having babies killed if they survive abortion:

HT on that clip to The Ace Of Spades.

Yeah, I still think Obama is going to win in November. People love the guy for some reason. But he's not going to skate into the White House unscathed. And that's enough to put a big grin on my face and a song in my conservative heart.

They're scrambling on the left. I'm diggin' it.

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Tuesday, September 16, 2008


Good News Movie Meme

Scott tagged me:

1. Which actor do you think hasn't gotten the attention he/she deserves?
I'll give you three for the price of one:

David Morse has been very good in everything I've seen him in.

Andre Braugher was so good on Homicide: Life On The Street that I was convinced that he'd be a huge movie star. How'd THAT not happen?

Marianne Jean-Baptiste is an amazing actress.

2. What is your favorite movie line?
Oh, man. So many. Not necessarily lines I agree with, but instances where dialogue stuck out in a major way. Here are a few that pop into my head just now ... and how I remember reacting:

"They're animals anyway, so let them lose their souls." -- That line hit me like a kick in the gut. I'll never forget the coldness with which Louis Guss delevered it.

"Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man." -- I laughed and laughed and laughed. So many great lines in this movie, but this one stays with me.

"That'll do, pig. That'll do." -- Every time I see this movie I tell myself I won't cry when this last line is delivered. I've never pulled it off once.

"Who's the fellow owns this shithole?" -- With that one line the emotional tide of my all time favorite movie changed dramatically. I could write pages and pages and pages about the importance of that line alone, the choice to use profanity, the clinical, even delivery, the resonance .... man, what a line.

"You hear me talking, hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'm gonna get medieval on your ass." -- What can I say. Great line.

"Your mother's in here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it." -- I just got a chill even THINKING about that line.

3. What is the absolute worst movies you've ever seen?
I won't bother linking to them. Why provide them any publicity? The first three that come to mind are:

The Village, with which M. Night Shyamalan first used his considerable powers for evil in an expression of contempt for this fans.

The Contender, which isn't a movie. It's a screed.

Dead Poet's Society, a movie that sends the totally wrong message about what a teacher is supposed to do. Just teach, teachers. You're familiar with the concept of teaching, right? Get down off your desk and teach. Dummy.

4. Is there a movie you hated when you first saw it and then later had to admit you were wrong?
I was actually angry after I saw 28 Days Later because the marketing promised that the movie would scare me into therapy. It didn't scare me at all and I felt ripped off.

Afterwards, upon a second viewing, I came to the conclusion that it's actually a pretty darn good b-movie.

5. What is your biggest guilty pleasure movie - the one you're ashamed you enjoy?
Three come to mind:

Titanic. I saw it in the theater seven times. Sue me.

Wyatt Earp. Hey, I think it's a good movie, but nobody else does, so I keep my mouth shut about it.

Borat. It might be the most vulgar 90 (or so) minutes ever committed to film without the word "Mondo" in the title. But it made me laugh so hard, and for so long.

If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. Scott asked that we specifically tag three people, and Unseen, MCF and Lorna came to mind.

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Monday, September 15, 2008


RIP Richard Wright

Keyboard player and founding member of Pink Floyd loses his battle with cancer. He was 65.

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So Grim, So True, So Real:

A Backward-Looking History Of Metallica


Event: Release of album Death Magnetic.

After some sixteen months of internet hype and speculation, Metallica releases Rick Ruben produced ninth studio album through Warner Brothers Records.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: After years of lackluster experiments with other sounds and song styles, the band returns to their thrash metal roots in an obvious attempt to sell records. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Film Metallica: Some Kind Of Monster documents the recording of Metallica's most current album.

Documentary reveals the inner conflicts of a band in turmoil. Key scenes involve the band's group therapist inviting himself to become a "fifth member" of the band and guitarist Kirk Hammett surfing. Guitarist/singer James Hetfield and drummer Lars Ulrich spend most of the movie shrieking at one another.

Several scenes reveal producer Bob Rock's attempts to get the feuding members of Metallica to quit having slap fights long enough to record a few tracks. Film also documents hiring of veteran bass player and all-around badass guy, Robert Trujillo.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: The movie reveals the band to be a bunch of spoiled, rich cry-babies. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Album St. Anger is released with bonus DVD and coupon to download free audio from four concerts.

The angry, disjointed, noisy sessions during which St. Anger was recorded result in an angry, disjointed, noisy album. Listeners aren't sure why producer Bob Rock decided to create a "Fisher Price" drum sound. Lack of guitar solos and "low-fi" sound quality give the album an ill-timed, ill-conceived "grunge" feel. Rock's tenure as Metallica's producer comes to disappointing, inevitable close.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: The album indicates that at this point, Bob Rock is totally in control of the band. Fans worry that next album will feature Metallica simply as a backing band while Rock croons Aerosmith covers. Or perhaps they'll do a ska record. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Bassist Jason Newstead leaves the band, frustrated that founders Hetfield and Ulrich won't allow him work on side-projects during his free time.

All your bass are belong to us.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Newstead's departure indicates that even the members of Metallica can't stand the members of Metallica. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Napster uproar.

After an incomplete demo of the song I Disappear turns up on the internet, Metallica sues file sharing services for enabling copyright infringement.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Metallica doesn't understand the internet. Now that they're rich and lazy they want to squeeze their fans for every nickel and dime. Rumor spread that Lars has been drumming in an ascot and monocle. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Release of S&M two-disc set.

Metallica records renditions of their songs supported by the San Francisco Symphony and composer/conductor Michael Kamen. During the performance, Hetfield refers to the song Of Wolf And Man as Of Wolfgang And Man, a reference to Mozart. Really. I didn't make that stupid crap up.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: And, oh, how they danced; the little children of Stonehenge. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Double-disc collection Garage, Inc includes a disc of newly recorded covers and some older material that had previously been released as b-sides and on EPs.

Many fans perplexed by some of the material found on the disc of new songs, including covers of originals by Nick Cave, Bob Seger and Thin Lizzy.

The band releases a video for the song Turn The Page featuring porno actress Ginger Lynn. Seriously, that's who that was in the video.

Guest musicians on the Lynyrd Skynyrd cover Tuesday's Gone include Pepper Keenan (Corrosion Of Conformity), Jerry Cantrell and Sean Kinney (Alice In Chains), Jim Martin (Faith No More), John Popper (Blues Traveler), Gary Rossington (Lynyrd Skynyrd), Les Claypool (Primus), Ja-Rule (Murder, Inc), Natasha Bedingfield (Featuring Sean Kingston), Gwen Stefani (No Doubt), Missy ("Misdemeanor") Elliott, Cirque du Soleil, Billy Bob Thornton, The San Francisco Symphony and composer/conductor Michael Kamen.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: The band is trying to re-sell old material that their fans have already bought once. To make the set more "attractive" to potential buyers it includes a disc of hastily recorded covers. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Album Reload released to non-clamoring fans.

Ulrich tells fans that Reload is conceptually the second disc of a double album, along with the previous release, Load.

Fans respond that Reload is conceptually a piece of shit.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: The album features guest vocals by 60's icon Maryanne Faithful, who appears to be singing with her throat slit. Single Fuel adopted by NASCAR for theme song in TV broadcasts. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Five years of recording silence is broken with the release of album Load.

Long absent band returns with new non-metal album, short hair, eye-liner. Promotes album on Lollapalooza tour.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Long absent band returns with new non-metal album, short hair, eye-liner. Promotes album on Lollapalooza tour. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Jump in the fire.

Metallica tours with Guns N' Roses. Axl Rose makes headlines during the tour by exciting riots and engaging fans in fights. Not to be outdone, Hetfield climaxes Metallica's August 8th show by setting himself on fire. Gene Simmons, Alice Cooper and Screamin' Jay Hawkins simultaniously say "Damn."

Band claims that Hetfield's injuries were the result of a pyro effect gone wrong. Hard rock band Great White notes incident, vowing to never misuse pyrotechnics.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Footage of Hetfield's self-immolation is not included in the concert videos that accompany the Live Shit: Binge And Purge box set. Disappointed fans get second mortgages to buy box-set only to sit crestfallen in front of their TVs without ever seeing the singer burst into flame. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Self-titled Black Album released, sells seventy million zillion bajillion copies.

Metallica gets first taste of genuine cross-format commercial success with huge hits Enter Sandman and The Unforgiven.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Most songs on the album are under fifteen minutes long. Some songs are based around two or fewer riffs. Album marks band's first collaboration with Bob Rock, producer noted for working on albums by Motley Crue, David Lee Roth and Bon Jovi. Ballad Nothing Else Matters suitable for playing over a boom box under your girlfriend's window. Metallica produces videos for seventeen of the album's twelve songs. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Album ...And Justice For All released.

Album features new bass player Jason Newstead, who replaced the late, great Cliff Burton. New guy goes on to be Metallica's longest running bass player to date, staying in the band roughly fifteen years.

Album features muted "wow-wow" bass sound that leads fans to wonder if Newstead is actually on the album. Long-time producer Flemming Rasmussen never works with the band again.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Band produces their first MTV-ready video for the song One. Video features such 80's MTV staples as Tawnie Kitaen dancing on top of luxury cars, caged go-go girls in skimpy bikinis, a blind, deaf, mute, limbless man writhing in pain, and actor Jason Robards talking about war. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Major-label debut and undisputed greatest metal album of all time, Master Of Puppets, ships to record stores and malls across America.

Early copies of the album have a sticker on the front that reads ""The only track you probably won't want to play is "Damage, Inc." due to the multiple use of the infamous "F" word. otherwise, there aren't any "Shits," "Fucks," "Pisses," "Sucks," "Cunts," "Motherfuckers," or "Cocksuckers" anywhere on this record".


Fifty million teenage boys hear the album, say all of the curse words listed on the sticker in agog amazement, and run out and form bands. Metallica supports album with tour opening for Ozzy Osbourne.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Band reveals obvious desire to move a lot of units by signing contract to release albums for major label Elektra Records. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Band's second album, Ride The Lightning, creates major buzz.

Album features metal classic Creeping Death, the band's most consistent show-opener.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Metallica's first "power ballad," Fade To Black, closes side one of the album. The song, an angry screed about suicide, features lyrics such as "Deathly lost, this cant be real / Cannot stand this hell I feel." This is an obvious attempt to score with chicks because they dig that sort of junk. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: Metallica releases debut album, Kill 'em All on independent label Megaforce Records.

Band begins cycle of perpetual touring, drinking, fighting and recording long songs full of a zillion riffs.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: In an obvious play for commercial viability, band fires original guitarist Dave Mustaine before recording, simply because he's always too drunk to play his instrument. Replaced by guitarist Kirk Hammett, Mustaine goes on to form his own successful and popular metal band, Winger. Metallica relents on original goal of naming the album Metal Up Your Ass so that record stores will stock it, hoping to sell lots of copies. Long time fans proclaim that the band is "no longer relevant."


Event: James Hetfield and Lars Ulrich form a band, Metallica, and look for friends to flesh out the line-up.

Band members take turns hosting "jam sessions" in each other's parents' basements.

How this is proof that Metallica has sold out: Lars Ulrich has admitted that he stole the name "Metallica" from a fellow high school student who showed him a list of possible "cool band names." Fellow high school student proclaims that Lars is "a Danish asshole."

Note about the above time line:

Some of that crap I made up. But the stuff that I insisted was for real really was for real.

I can't imagine my life without Metallica. God bless ya, guys.

Mustaine is awesome. Winger rules.

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Friday, September 12, 2008


How The Typical "Pro-Choice" White Liberal Male Thinks...

I read this as a comment at another blog a second ago. The idiocy is mindboggling. I'm not going to link to the blog or reference it in specific, the blogger has already suffered a full-blast comment from me and I don't want to add the possibility of drive-by comments. But feel free to leave any comments you want here, agreeing, disagreeing or otherwise.

In fact, I'd LOVE some disagreeing comments. Because taking out the moronic "pro-choice" position is like shooting fish in a barrel.

Anyway, the commenter in question at the other blog wrote the following about abortion on deman, Sarah Palin, etc:
My stance on Pro-Life/Pro-Choice is give women a choice. For example, if a woman was raped and gets pregnant, I would like to afford the woman the choice to make up her mind on what she wants to do. I'd rather have more choices for this unfortunate woman than less choices. Palin is Anti-Choice... in all circumstances.

BTW, it is also easy to be pro-life when you are rich and can take care of a Down's Syndrome baby. Some families would be bankrupt caring for that same baby. Some families would take care of that baby no matter what. I'm just offering all families the choice.

I don't care about the religious aspect of it. Contrary to popular belief, one can make a moral choice without having to refer to an old book, which is probably inconsistent anyway, on the subject.

If you believe it to be a moral imperative to bring children into the world, great. However, don't shine a light on an unwed 17-year old mother to be and call her brave when you know damn well if it was an unwed black girl on the southside of Chicago, she'd be criticized as unfit, unsupervised and unfortunate.

Bill O'Reilly can't come down hard on Jamie Spears and her family for her pregnancy and then give a pass to the Palin's for EXACTLY THE SAME THING. It is hypocritcal, biased and obvious to me he doesn't really care about any of these situations past how he can manipulate them and score points.

I ask this hypothetical question in all seriousness: There is a fire. You can only save a 3 year old or 15 test tubes of fertilized eggs. Which do you choose?

Wow. The stupidity literally took my breath away. I responded as follows, with snipped quotes:
For example, if a woman was raped and gets pregnant, I would like to afford the woman the choice to make up her mind on what she wants to do.

Do you have even the slightest idea what the stats are on that? do you have any clue how few abortions are performed due to rape, incest or threat to the mother's life? Look it up sometime.

The question is abortion on demand ... abortion as birth control. It's a way of taking a mulligan so you won't be accountable for your INITIAL choice, the choice to have sex and take the risk of pregnancy.

And I just love the liberal men who call this a "woman's choice." Great way to absolve ourselves of OUR share of the responsibility, guys.
it is also easy to be pro-life when you are rich and can take care of a Down's Syndrome baby

As far as aborting a child because you can't afford to raise it, that's possibly the stupidest thing I've ever heard anyone say. Really, really remarkably dumb. I'm amazed at how comfortably people express their idiocy on the internet. You ought to have at least a SLIGHT understanding of the issues before you attempt to address them. Look sometime into the people BEGGING to adopt a child, special needs or otherwise. That's a far greater number than any theoretical group of people who might be saying "Uh ... can we afford a baby with special needs? We better kill this one and hold out for a low maintenance model."
you know damn well if it was an unwed black girl on the southside of Chicago, she'd be criticized as unfit

...You really are a remarkable idiot. You know NOTHING about the pro-life movement. What I know damn well about that theoretical black girl in chicago is that if you have your way, she'll be another victim of the racism of abortion.


I didn't bother responding to the hypothetical "three year old or fifteen test tubes" scenario because he's obviously too stupid to realize that he's asking me to tilt at a straw man. If he knew anything at all about the pro-life movement he'd realize that a great many of us (myself included) don't support those scenarios that result in fertilized eggs in test tubes in the first place.

And I didn't bother refuting the lie about Palin's politics on abortion because this guy is one of the deluded dolts who believes what he wants to believe. The truth won't phase him.

I didn't respond to the Bill O'Reilly bit because O'Reilly is a yammering jackass, he doesn't speak for me and I'm not interested in that distraction. Remember liberal argument rule number two, relativism. Don't take the bait.

Now, is it wrong to "beat up" on a guy with such a clearly limited intellect? Maybe. But the thing is, these pitiful imbeciles are out there fighting to keep abortion on demand legal. You gotta blast 'em when you see 'em because they're arguing for murder based on terms they're too simple to understand.

I'm waiting with baited breath for a pro-abortion-on-demand comment at this post. Oh please oh please oh please.



The Nightly Rant

You can expect this to continue until the election. I promise that as soon as it's all over I'll write something innocuous about my dog pooping on the rug or something. But for now:

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Thursday, September 11, 2008


Matt Damon!!

Matt Damon isn't happy about the idea of Sarah Palin in the White House. Oooooh, no. He's not happy one wittle bit. He's been up waaaay past his bedtime worrying his pretty little head about it. Matt says:
"I think that’s a really scary thing because I don’t know anything about her ... You do the actuary tables and there’s a one-out-of-three chance, if not more, that McCain doesn’t survive his first term and it will be President Palin . . . It’s like a bad Disney movie ... ‘I’m just a hockey mom from Alaska.’ And she’s the president ... And it’s like she’s facing down Vladimir Putin and using the folksy stuff she learned at the hockey rink. It’s absurd. It’s totally absurd.”

He went on to say "And what if she got knocked on the head and forgot who she was? I did an Excel spreadsheet and there's a 44% chance of that happening. And what if she had to fight her way out of a room full of Russian spies using only her subconsciously remembered little-league hockey mom skills? Could she, like, use lipstick as a weapon? Or whatnot? Because I just don't know if she could. It's like a bad Paul Greengrass movie."

Damon has stared in a number of hit films during his days off from his regular job as an actuary for Nationwide. "I just don't know about Palin," he reiterated, and then wandered down the hall to stare at the pretty blue water going swirly-swirly in the toilet.

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Wednesday, September 10, 2008


Come On, John

The McCain campaign has taken the bait. Their new ad goes after Obama for the lipstick on a pig remark:

This is a mistake. This reminds me of the ads that George Allen ran here in Virginia, during his last Senate campaign. He attacked Jim Webb over trivial things, like the perceived sexism in some of Webb's novels.

Allen ended up losing that race. Badly. Partly because his own base (and I'm part of it) perceived him as having lost the ability to stick to the real issues.

I didn't actually watch video of Obama's remarks until this morning. Here's the one thing about his remarks that genuinely is offensive:

He was speaking here in Virginia and he feigned this insulting, childish "southern accent" that just makes me want to smack the guy. Since when does a Chicago lawyer pronounce the word "policy" as "Paul-a-seh"??? Come on, Barack. I've heard you use that word a thousand times and you've never done a damn Foghorn Leghorn impression before.

Honestly, I'd like to punch Obama. He just makes me sick with his affected bullshit.

But here's a clip of Barack's remarks ... complete with his faux-southern shuck and jive ... juxtaposed with Dick Cheney using the same "lipstick on a pig" expression. This is going to come back to haunt the McCain campaign:

Not only that, but do you think that Katie Couric is gonna be happy about her guest-starring role in a McCain ad? Come on. Watch for her to custom-craft a soundbite for Obama's response in the next day or two.

Like I said before, McCain is not going to win a bullshitting contest with the world's champion bullshitter. Bad move, John.

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I think I should apologize to the handful of people who do the the honor of checking this blog out fairly frequently. I know that you guys mostly stop by for my "Dave Barry Wannabe" stuff, like when I write about my dogs or tell old drinking stories or embed good stuff from YouTube.

But you had to know from the very name of the blog that I'm a politics addict. Politics is to me what sports is to normal guys. And an election year, especially the last couple of months of an election year, is Superbowl time. Right now I'm having a blast.

Some of the folks who stop by here are in the same boat as me. Like Cube and Unseen and Paul. They're conservative political junkies, too, and I know they can relate.

But most of the folks who're kind enough to read some of my junk and leave comments are looking forward to me getting back to adolescent jokes. I promise, mid November is coming. The anti-Obama bumpersticker (and link) in my header will be gone shortly after the election and I'll get back to writing about Metallica and movies and such. You know, doing what I do best: the blog equivalent of funny armpit noises.

I think that part of the reason I'm having so much fun with politics this year is that I don't have a dog in this fight. I'm a conservative and there isn't a conservative running this year. (Hell, the last time there was a conservative running was in '96 ... but that's a whole nuther.) No matter who wins, I'll be stuck trying to make the best of a crappy (or crappier) choice ... so it's nothing personal.

I have developed some affection for Sarah Palin ... and that could translate into political loyalty if she walks the line. But right now I'm just not that vested, personally.

Anyway, once this thing is wrapped up and either the unsatisfactory candidate or the utterly inept candidate get in there, I'll get back to my usual mundane irresponsibility. I promise.


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Tuesday, September 09, 2008


Streisand / Heart

Remember Heart? They had a bunch of hits in the 70's and 80's. Then they put on weight and faded into obscurity. As an obscure, fat guy, I guess I can relate. But I'm surprised at their determination to cling to their obscurity:
For Ann and Nancy Wilson of the rock band Heart, there's nothing fitting about the Republican National Convention's use of their 1977 hit "Barracuda."

That much became clear after the sisters issued a cease-and-desist order to Sen. John McCain's presidential campaign. The order seeks to bar the McCain campaign from using the song as an anthem to underscore images and appearances of vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin.

HT: Bob Parks.

I hadn't heard Heart on TV or the radio in ages when that song was used at the GOP Convention. And I guess that, as of now, I won't be hearing them again.

Then there's this, from Michelle Malkin, regarding Barbra Streisand's upcoming gig at an Obama fund-raiser:
(Streisand) will sing for her savior. And we should cheer. Because it has done wonders for all the other political candidates she has supported. When Barbra croons for you, you can kiss your chances of winning goodbye.

Good point. Streisand has performed for Hillary Clinton, Al Gore and John Kerry, all relegated to the "where are they now" file. Maybe the most patriotic thing she could do at this point is dedicate a song to Osama bin Ladin?

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Endless Parade

There are a great many reasons, of course, not to elect Barack Obama president. One of them is that the guy hasn't spent much time actually governing. The same left-wingers who love to point out Sarah Palin's inexperience conveniently ignore the amount of time that Obama has spent not doing the job(s) he was elected to do. He'd rather be writing books about himself. Or voting "present" in the legislature in order to avoid making a commitment that might haunt him later. Or simply not voting at all.

To be honest, I hadn't thought about the amount of time Obama has spent on the stump until the National Review pointed it out. The emphasis below is mine:
By Election Day, Obama will have spent 59 of the preceding 112 months campaigning for higher office. That total excludes any perfunctory campaigning to retain his seat in the Illinois legislature, but includes seven months of a failed bid for Bobby Rush’s House seat, an astounding 29 months running for the U.S. Senate, and his current marathon for the presidency. Put another way, Obama spent more of the past decade asking voters to promote him than did any other American—even more than John Edwards, who has invested 48 months in a Senate race and two presidential bids since 1997.

That 59 months of campaigning doesn’t include any hours spent stumping in 2005 or 2006, even though some of his biggest time commitments those years could easily be mistaken for a presidential campaign. He completed a two-week, 20-city book tour, made dozens of appearances for House and Senate candidates, raised $6 million for the party, spoke to New Hampshire Democrats, and appeared at Sen. Tom Harkin’s steak fry in Iowa.

We do not have a deep sense of how a President Obama would govern—because he hasn’t governed much at all. One thing is certain, however. If elected, he would begin his 2012 re-election campaign very, very early.
Wow. I knew Obama was driven entirely by personal ambition, but I'd have never guessed that he was worse about it than John Friggin' Edwards.

John McCain's recent bounce in the polls not withstanding, I still think that Senator McCheese is probably going to be elected PotUS in November. But, hey ... the previous generation needed Jimmy Carter in order to learn it's lesson. Maybe my generation needs this guy.

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Monday, September 08, 2008


Lies About Palin

There are some vicious lies circulating through viral e-mail about Sarah Palin. Snopes does a great job of refuting two of them:

There's also an old clip of Sarah Palin doing sports stories on a small-town local news show. I have no idea why that clip is considered scandalous or detrimental to Palin's political career. All I see when I watch it is a fairly hot newscaster. I do note from the clip that her abilities as an orator have improved greatly. Still, I don't think that clip of Palin is anywhere near as embarrassing as this:

So Senator McCheese dances like a nerdy white guy and allowed his three year old daughter listen to Snoop Dog. Weird, man. But, hey, that's just me.

There are, of course, a number of vicious lies circulating the net about every public figure out there, including Barack Obama. Obama, for instance, isn't really a Muslim ... he doesn't really hate all white people ... etc. I could get specific and site articles at Snopes, but I'll leave that to his supporters. I'd imagine that there's a blog or two out there dedicated to defending Obama's record.

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McCain Dies Hard

I wrote something Friday to the effect that I might look forward to voting for Sarah Palin for PotUS in 2012. Well, whattaya know, I might have to wait for 2016 to cast that vote. McCain ain't dead yet:
McCain leads Democrat Barack Obama by 50%-46% among registered voters, the Republican's biggest advantage since January and a turnaround from the USA TODAY poll taken just before the convention opened in St. Paul. Then, he lagged by 7 percentage points.
A post-convention bounce is to be expected. This is the exciting part:
McCain has narrowed Obama's wide advantage on handling the economy, by far the electorate's top issue. Before the GOP convention, Obama was favored by 19 points; now he's favored by 3.
Maybe people are starting to see through the Obama BS. He really hasn't got any ideas. Well, other than bad ones.

A year ago I suggested that the McCain campaign should adopt Black Flag's "Gimme Gimme Gimme", or maybe Darth Vader's "Imperial March" from Star Wars, as it's official theme song.

But I gotta admit, the old dude has impressed me. His campaign has been stronger, smarter, and more politically courageous than I'd ever have predicted. Maybe a better theme song for the McCain campaign would be Metallica's awesome new song Broken, Beat and Scarred:
"You rise, you fall, you're down, then you rise again.
What don't kill ya will make ya more strong.
Through black days, through black nights,
Through pitch-black insights.

Until the last, broken beat and scarred,
We die hard."
Oh, and hey, check this out ... I don't watch MSNBC (and you don't either, nobody does) ... but there's been some buzz among the blogs and on YouTube about what a circus their political coverage has been:

That's so funny.

Apparently MSNBC is getting tired of being a laughing stock:

NEW YORK — MSNBC said Sunday it is replacing Keith Olbermann and Chris Matthews as co-anchors of political night coverage with David Gregory, and will use the two newsmen as commentators...

Throughout the primaries and summer, MSNBC argued that Olbermann and Matthews could serve as dispassionate anchors on political news nights and that viewers would accept them in that role, but things fell apart during the conventions...

All the drama made MSNBC a punch line when top NBC anchor Brian Williams appeared on Comedy Central's The Daily Show last week. "Is there no control?" Stewart asked him. "'Is it Lord of the Flies? "

A sheepish Williams said that every family has a dynamic of its own.

"But does MSNBC have to be the Lohans?" Stewart said.

It's not often that I agree with Jon Stewart, but he nailed it. MSNBC = Lord of the Flies.

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Sunday, September 07, 2008


The View From Within The Bubble

Classic. He thinks he's already President:

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Opie & Anthony & Olbermann

I wouldn't call myself a big Opie & Anthony fan, mostly because I've only heard them a few times. Some of what I've heard from O&A has made me laugh hysterically. Other stuff has left me thinking "Geez, come on..."

One thing I do apparently have in common with them, though, is that I absolutely hate that steaming pile of affected hypocrisy known as Keith Olbermann...

No idea what the graphics in this video are all about. The clip is from the O&A radio show. After a minute I just minimized the window and listened. They really nailed Olbermann here.

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Body Parts

Come on, everybody! Sing along!
"You put your fake leg in,
You take your penis out,
You put your right arm in,
And you stab it all about..."

Just a little song inspired by recent news events:

You know, you can mix, match and swap out the body parts in all three of those stories without aesthetically changing them at all.

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Saturday, September 06, 2008


Weekend Roundup

Stuff I read, stuff I thought:

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Friday, September 05, 2008



Sarah Palin, where have you been all my life?

Or, at least, where have you been for the past two years? And why haven't you been running for PotUS?

I get it now, Obama supporters. I understand. All this time I've been talking about how creepy it is that you've been swooning over your guy. But then I finally found time to sit down with the Tivo ... and I saw this:

... and now I totally get it.

When you find a politician who seems to represent your values and your priorities, and when that politician is attractive, charming, smart, funny ... when that politician delivers a speech and you feel like you've just seen a rock concert ... man, that's friggin' awesome.

Not a week ago I was wondering who the hell Sarah Palin is ... and now I'm ready to sign up to join her fan club. Obama supporters think they've found the new JFK ... and here I sit wondering if Sarah Palin might be the next Reagan.

I'm trying to remain objective, skeptical, etc. But, man, what a speech.

Some of the reaction:

At this point I feel good about November no matter what happens. I'm starting to think about Palin 2012 or Palin 2016.

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Thursday, September 04, 2008


A Redneck Walks Into A Bar...

I like beer. And as alcoholic beverages go, that's pretty much where I begin and end. I do prefer good beer, Guinness or Bass or sometimes both. I do not enjoy the watered-down, mass produced garbage they sell at convenience stores. But, still, I'm just a beer guy. Wine and liquor are beyond me. And liquor should remain beyond me.

I haven't had good experiences with liquors and mixed drinks. Not that I've been involved in any kind of alcohol related tragedies or anything. It's just that I'm a beer guy, not a liquor guy, and I'm a redneck, besides. I possess all the urbane sophistication of a roadkill squirrel.

Here's the thing:

There's nothing I enjoy more than unwinding at the end of the day with a cold beer before bedtime. Just one cold beer, mind you. I don't overindulge. All I need is one cold beer to "take the edge off." I enjoy it and I feel like it helps me sleep. Or, at least, it used to help me sleep.

But since I've had bladder problems, if I drink a beer before bedtime I can plan to visit the bathroom six or eight times before sunrise.

So, being an idiot with no memory, I got it into my head that I ought to find a mixed drink that I'd enjoy. That way, I thought, I could drink far less actual liquid, but still have the sense of taking the edge off before bedtime and still enjoy the sleep-related benefits of consuming a small, moderate amount of alcohol.

For some damn fool reason I specifically got it into my head that I would enjoy a White Russian before bed. I bet you they taste like milkshakes, I told myself.

That should be a good indication of how much I know about vodka.

But, nonetheless, I went on the internet and found a recipe for White Russians, and I picked up a bottle of vodka and a bottle of Kahlua on the way home from work the other day. Wendy got me some cream when she went grocery shopping.

So last night I decided to fix myself a drink, as they say, and I went on the internet again to get the "parts" right. You know, one part this, two parts that, etc, etc. But on the net there were a number of different recipes for White Russians, and there was a lot of variance between one recipe and the next.

So I ended up in the kitchen with a number of different recipes, and with my assorted bottles and cartons, and a tumbler, and a measuring cup, and there I was, trying to make this damn drink.

So I'm pouring some of this and some of that, then throwing in an ice cube, then mixing in a little of that, then some more of this, etc, etc. And when I finished I had a glass full of something that looked like a White Russian. And then I took a sip and it felt like someone had punched me in the face. So I mixed in more of this and more of that and took another sip and another punch to the face, and then I gave up.

This failure is consistent with my other mixed drink experiences.

One time many years ago I went to a restaurant with an old girlfriend and we ended up at the bar while we waited for our table. She ordered a drink, a Strawberry Daiquiri, and then the bartender looked at me with that "And you, sir?" look on his face. So I said "Uh, oh, uh, ok, I'll have what she's having."

I hadn't paid attention to what she'd ordered and I didn't really know what a Daiquiri was, anyway.

And then the bartender brought each of us these big, bright pink, frozen things. They each looked to be about a gallon of pink slushy stuff, and they each had a mound of whipped cream on top of them. And they each had little umbrellas and swizzle sticks in them, and I think each of them might have had a Barbi Doll stuck in there, too, and all I could do was look at the smirking bartender with that "What have you done to me?!?" expression on my face, because clearly I hadn't known what I was getting myself into when I'd ordered "what she's having."

Man, I could not have felt more embarrassed or uncomfortable if the bartender had handed me a trucker's hat with the word "SISSY" on it in giant red letters and said "Here, wear this for twenty minutes or so."

And, of course, it was right then that the maitre de announced that our tables were ready and I had to parade through the bar and out into the restaurant carrying this gigantic glass drum full of frozen, pink slush ... this whipped cream topped threat to my 21 year old masculinity ... and I was convinced that everyone in the place was looking at me thinking "Look out, Nancy-boy there might spill some of his slushy sweetness on you."

Another time I ended up in this noisy country bar with a buddy of mine and this girl we worked with and a friend of hers, and I had this vague feeling that I was the "wing man," and i really just wanted to leave and go ... somewhere, anywhere ... where there wasn't a terrible band playing off-key George Strait songs.

But instead I went to the bar with the rest of them and when the bartender looked at me I was again overcome by my stupidity, my insecurity, and my desperate need to have occasional mixed-drink related bad experiences. So the bartender asked me what I wanted and I was, in that instant, convinced that it was imperative that I order a mixed drink (but NOT a Daiquiri). By ordering a mixed drink, I told myself, I'd impress everyone with my adroit savoir-faire.

So I asked for a Rob Roy.

In a country bar.

And the bartender looked at me as though I'd asked her for a magical pony. And it was then that I looked around and realized that I would now be the only person in the bar not drinking out of a bottle. And the bartender disappeared and came back and handed me something in a glass, and I don't know what it was because, truth be told, I didn't know what a Rob Roy was then and I don't know now. But, whatever it was, it smelled like paint. And I drank it one painful, grimacing sip at a time ... and to this day I have to wonder if the bartender gave me that glass of something (maybe paint?) just to see if I'd actually drink it.

I don't remember what happened next, but I'm certain that it was miserable. The night may have ended with me sitting outside on the curb, quietly crying to myself and singing along as the band played "All My Exes Live In Texas."

So that's my history with mixed drinks. And that's why I currently have a small bottle of vodka and a small bottle of Kahlua in my freezer, and why I have no interest in ever opening either one again.

And if you're a beer drinker, drink one for me, won't you?

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Wednesday, September 03, 2008


Jaw Hung Open

If I hadn't heard it with my own ears I'd not believe it.

I just heard Sally Friggin' Quinn, one of the matriarch battleaxes of the liberal elite media, tell Bill O'Reilly that there is a difference between mothers and fathers and that children need both parents.

Of course, she said it as an argument against Sarah Palin's hypothetical vice presidency ... but she still said it. Man, I hope somebody uploads that clip to YouTube. What was she thinking?? When she sobers up from her emotionally overwhelming Sarah Palin hatred Quinn is going to feel like a fool.

I mean, after all, it is the truth.

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Album Review: Metallica's Death Magnetic

You may have heard that the new Metallica album leaked to the net last night, and that the band is basically fine with that. Lars says
"Listen, we're ten days from release ... If this thing leaks all over the world today or tomorrow, happy days. Happy days. Trust me ... Everybody's happy. It's 2008 and it's part of how it is these days, so it's fine. We're happy."
Spoken like a guy who gets it. It wasn't too long ago that Metallica's attitude about music on the internet was ... uh ... "You can do it your own way, if it's done just how I say."

I don't mind admitting that I've been been desperately searching for a leaked copy of this album for more than a month now. So I was in the right place at the right time when a blogger who shall remain nameless posted a link last night at about 10:00 PM Eastern.

For the record, I have every intention of buying the new album on CD when it hits the stores on September 12th. But I've been a rabid Metallica fan since the '80's and I just could not wait to hear it.

I've listened to Death Magnetic about four times now. I'm so happy with it that I'm surprised that I can do anything other than roll around in the floor, kick my feet in the air, and giggle.

As of now, the self-indulgent, meandering, artsy-fartsy Metallica that made Load, Reload and St. Anger seems to be gone.

I'm glad to be able to report that, instead, the self-indulgent, meandering, artsy-fartsy Metallica that made the band's ground-breaking first four albums is back. In a big, loud way. And it's music to my ears.

2003's St. Anger was supposed to be a return to the band's thrash metal roots after several years spent experimenting with everything from alt-prog rock to faux celtic dirges to haughty, orchestral crap. But St. Anger was produced by a band in crisis, as the 2004 documentary Some Kind Of Monster revealed. Instead of re-embracing their origins, St. Anger seemed to be the sound of a band grasping aimlessly.

The combination of sobriety, group therapy, and the chops of outstanding new bass player Robert Trujillo seems to have seriously re-energized this band. In spite of it's morose title, Death Magnetic is the product of a band experiencing rebirth.

Death is a topic that pervades the album's lyrics; but there's nothing macabre here. These aren't songs that glorify death, the way a band made up of late-teens might if they were trying to come off like bad asses. If the members of Metallica are showing their (pushing 50) age at all, it's in the lyrical maturity and introspection offered here. These songs reflect on death not as a subject of fascination but as an ultimatum ... an inspiration to squeeze every damn drop of life out of every day you spend breathing. Death is magnetic ... it draws us all. But get the polarity right and you can push like hell back against it. That's the dynamic in these songs.

And, musically, this is the Metallica that those of us who've followed the band for 20 plus years know and love. The songs are long, heavy as anything, and full of freight-train riffs and jack-knife time changes. There's even a full-on metal instrumental in the tradition of Orion and To Live Is To Die. Only one song, the unfortunately titled Unforgiven III, slows the tempo significantly. That's probably my least favorite song on the album. But I gotta admit, Kirk Hammett's guitar solo in that song is one of the best on the album. I don't see me skipping this song when I listen to this disc. It'll grow on me, I'm sure.

Rejoice, Metallica fans. This is the album we've wanted for years. It belongs on the top shelf, with Master Of Puppets (their best album ever) and 91's watershed Black Album.

2008 is the year of Death Magnetic. No others need apply.

PS - a note to the 20 year old snotnose punks who'll find this review through Google and stop by to leave poorly worded, misspelled, idiotic, belligerent comments: Shut up, boy. I was listening to this band in specific and METAL in general before you were even born. I really don't care what you have to say and I'll just delete your comments as soon as I see them. Move along, Junior. I'm sure your friends are waiting for you in World Of Warcraft.

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Tuesday, September 02, 2008


Fred "Meat" Thompson

Just watched Thompson's speech. Loved it. But now I can't concentrate on Lieberman, and I love Joe Lieberman. It's just that Thompson handed me a totally full, totally delicious plate!

We were promised a heapin' helpin' of red meat, and Fred came through. In spades.

If he'd had that kind of spirit some months ago maybe we'd have heard McCain throwing the read meat before the GOP nominates Thompson.

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Language warning: The closer I follow the news, the crankier I get.

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RIP Jerry Reed

Casual fans knew him through his novelty songs and corny movies. Hardcore fans knew him as one hell of a good guitar player. Jerry Reed has died at the age of 71.

Here's Jerry and Chet Atkins in a clip from the mid '70's. (The mid '70's is the only way to explain what they're both wearing.) Jerry is on the left.

Monday, September 01, 2008



Cause and effect: Living your life without any sense of moral imperative whatsoever leads to severe character erosion. That's the best explanation I can produce for the vicious, debasing attacks from the secular leftists against Sarah Palin and her family.

If a leftist can't find any solid grounds to impugn a person's political positions, they eventually move along to personal attacks. You've experienced that if you ever argued with a liberal. You prove them wrong on the issues so they attack you on a personal level. It's always a leftist's last resort. (And, I must admit, I've been guilty of jumping right down in the mud with them lately. It's been a tough year, my patience is at an all time low.)

Here's the standard liberal tack. Just follow this plan and you can avoid actually admitting the weakness of your position on any number of subjects:

I gotta admit, I'm surprised by the way the leftists have immediately gone for the dumb-bomb with regard to Sarah Palin. They must really be worried about the effect she'll have on the general election if they're resorting to their ultimate modus operandi already.

I don't watch Hannity and Colmes very often because I think that Sean Hannity is an asshole and I don't like it when people I agree with make everyone who believes what I believe look bad. I've always kinda liked Alan Colmes, though. He's the liberal on the show, the Yin to Sean Hannity's Yang, and I'd often thought him to be disarming and charmingly self-deprecating. So I was sickened and disgusted to see that he'd implied at his blog that Sarah Palin is at fault for her youngest child having Down Syndrome:

Colmes has since tucked his tail and retreated. He's trying as hard as he can to dig out from the avalanche of criticism that he invited with such a shameful, repulsive implication. He's already deleted the post, in fact. But you can click my graphic above to see a slightly larger screen-grab of the post in question ... and you can click here to read Alan's original post in the Google cache. I was glad to see that so many of Alan's readers called him out on his terrible taste.

You probably saw the news stories today about the pregnancy of Sarah Palin's teenage daughter. And you may have gotten the sense, as I did, that turning that situation into political cannon fodder would be beneath just about anyone. Not so.

Now, I have to give Obama credit. Even a guy who thinks that newborns should be killed to protect Roe V. Wade says that his media supporters should leave the Palins alone. But come on. Does Obama really expect simple human decency from the kind of people who make up his base?

After all, we're talking about the kind of conspiracy-crazy nutroots who can't decide of Sarah Palin neglected her child in the womb or if her youngest child isn't really even hers.

We're talking about people who post ads on Craig's List hoping to track down photos of a scantily clad Sarah Palin to use as political weapons.

These are people who post a video on YouTube and allege that it depicts Todd Palin trashing his wife behind her back when he found out that she'd been elected Mayor of Wasilla, Alaska.

That video, by the way, is offered with a straight face. It's not supposed to be a parody, it's supposed to be real.

Meanwhile, conservatives continue to go after Barack Obama because of his legislative voting record and his public statements. Hell, I don't know. Maybe we're just totally out of the loop.

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