Monday, January 29, 2007


Can't Blog Now. Gaming.

Be back in a few days.

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Saturday, January 27, 2007


All We Are Saaaaaaaying .... Is "Just Poop."

The moonbats are marching in DC:

Scrappleface has the scoop. (The poop scoop?)

Tens of thousands of protesters will rally today on the mall in Washington D.C. to call on President George Bush to bring U.S. troops home from Iraq, and to demand better celebrity spokesmen for their cause.

Celebrities slated to speak at the rally include Jane Fonda, Susan Sarandon, Danny Glover and the Rev. Jesse Jackson. Three of them have made careers out of pretending to be someone they’re not, while Ms. Fonda is best known as the daughter of actor Henry Fonda.

Organizers said the biggest challenge facing the anti-war movement today is how to hold together a loose coalition of groups with divergent agendas using celebrities who peaked in popularity 10 to 30 years ago.

Hey, if you can't rally the troops 'round Danny Glover, there's just no hope.

Ooops, sorry. I forgot. These people hate the word "troops."

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Tuesday, January 23, 2007


Five Times Perilous!

MCF's most recent edition of Perilous! is up. Once again, he provides the answers and we have to figure out the questions.

1. A one-inch vertical scar.
What is the aftermath of a one-inch vertical cut?

2. Fat Albert.

Hey hey hey, it's who?

3. Initially, I was convinced there were two different actresses.
How many actress did you think there were, initially?

4. “Can you dig it?”
What's the best song on PWEI's '89 album?

5. 0100100001101111 (etc)
What binary code is so long it messed up MCF's blog, causing it to increase exponentially in horizontal size?

6. Donald Sutherland.
What actor did Darrell originally hope to see cast as Magneto in the X-Men movie before Sir Ian McKellen got the role and performed amazingly?

7. A rap battle.
How do MCF and Jerry typically settle their parking-space disputes before work each morning?

8. Because he's just that white.
And why does MCF always lose those battles?

9. “Ice Ice Baby, to go, to go...”
And what's MCF's best rap freestyle line so far?

10. You would explode on contact.
And what would happen if I got too close to MCF while he was "beat-boxing?"

11. Mash up leaves in a plastic bucket full of water.
What's MCF's recipe for "Hate Casserole?"

12. His black costume.
What iconic element of his history will Spidey finally get in the third Spider-Man movie?

13. A room full of college girls in their underwear.
What's better than a room full of NASCAR drivers wearing teddies?

14. No, I'm 98% sure that she already knows that story...
Have you ever told your mother about the day you were born?

15. They would be stone by day.
Why weren't the Gargoyles warriors during the daytime?

16. Terminator 3.
In which movie featuring a starring performance by Kristanna Loken does the actress deliver all of her dialogue in the first 25 minutes?

17. He was there to show kids people like him could be handicapable, and to explain alien technology to aliens.
What did MCF think his job entailed on his first day at work?

18. The dimwitted son of a garbage man.
What blogger recently posted a very funny clip from Saturday Night Live?

19. It was impossible to land.

Why didn't you land?

20. To get an “Innie”.
What is MCF's secret lifelong dream?

Note to self: Never go to MCF's for dinner on casserole night.

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Monday, January 22, 2007


March For Life

It's a big day in DC.

Those are a few pictures from previous marches ... and these videos are a few of the reasons why:

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Sunday, January 21, 2007


From The Gut On The Candidates

The Great Satan has made it official. She wants our souls. Of course, it was only a matter of time. Unlike many of my conservative friends, I don't think Hillary is a real threat. I don't think she has a chance of winning the presidency. Just do the math. Even in a worst case scenario, even if she wins the Democratic nomination and wins every state that Kerry won in '08, I can't imagine that there's a single red state that would swing her way. No red states means not enough electoral votes, which means no President Satan.

The Democratic party knows this. Even they don't want to contend with all the junk in Hil's trunk. She'll never get the nod.

Which leaves who? Between the two parties, who's the safe bet?

Here are my thoughts on the subject … but keep in mind that only a few months ago I was sure that George Allen would be the next president. My two cents worth is currently worth maybe a quarter of that asking price.

Barack Obama

Hey, what's not to like? I'm not asking that rhetorically. I'm seriously asking, what's not to like about this guy? What's to like about him? Who the hell knows? Barack Obama is a self-proclaimed snot-nosed rookie, and nobody really knows anything about him yet. Still, the guy does have a buttload of charm. Just look at him, would ya? Ever seen a friendlier smile? Heck, I'd probably buy a car from the guy. Apparently, the worst thing anyone has had to say about him so far is that he smokes cigarettes. From my perspective, that's almost an endearing flaw. And Obama is a marketing dream, what with his melting pot family and his dulcet speaking voice. He's the "sexy" candidate. He's bringing sexy back. With the right handlers this guy could find himself in the Oval Office before America wakes up and realizes that … know what? We still don't know anything about him yet.

Mitt Romney

Mitt might be the closest thing that the Republicans have to the marketability of a Barack Obama. This governor of Massachusetts is largely unknown nationally, although he's been spending a lot of time in key primary states lately. Like Obama, Mitt Romney is smooth and charming, but pro-lifers like myself have some concerns about his back-and-forth on abortion. In state elections in the past, Romney has campaigned as a pro-choice candidate, although he's always claimed that he was personally opposed to abortion as birth control. Recently, Romney seems to have undergone a political rebirth on the subject. He identifies himself as politically pro-life now, and seems to mean it: He's vetoed important legislation in Massachusetts that would have been seriously threatening to the unborn. And here's the thing; even if Romney's recent pro-life awakening is a calculated political move, pro-lifers should be comforted by the fact that Romney knows he can't win without us. Besides, I don't think he's ever switch back to the other position on abortion. To do so would be to lose credibility on both sides of the issue, and he's smart enough to know that.

John Edwards

Just typing the name makes me feel ill. The more I hear from John Edwards, the more I like Ted Kennedy … and I don't like Ted Kennedy at all. But at least Kennedy knows that he's full of crap. John Edwards is the smarmiest snake-oil salesman in American politics right now. He reminds me of Greg Stillson, the corrupt and evil political opportunist in Stephen King's novel The Dead Zone. Maybe it's the way he positions himself as a smiling, preening populist. Maybe it's his creepy smile, or his history of making reprehensibly irresponsible remarks. And it's not just that he's a trial lawyer, he's a creepy trial lawyer, having even claimed to evoke the spirit of a dead girl during a trial. Honestly, I can't think of a single good thing to say about this reptile. To paraphrase the Dixie Chicks, I'm ashamed that John Edwards is from the south.

John McCain

I was a big John McCain fan in 2000, but I'm no longer sure why. Even back then he was pretty power mad. Nowadays he seems to have gone completely over to the dark side. McCain has carefully cultivated an image as the Senate's "Maverick." Of course, a "Maverick" is a wild horse that doesn't care where it poops and sometimes starts stampedes. McCain has picked fights with the President and with Barack Obama and just about everybody in between. He has a reputation for being hotheaded and difficult. He's always the guy who jumps left when everyone else jumps right … who says up when everyone else says down. So it amazes me that the media is so clearly in love with the guy. I mean, this is the same media who despise George W. Bush for being a "cowboy" with a "go-it-alone attitude." What the hell do they expect Darth McCain to be? Caspar Milquetoast?

John Kerry

Oh, PLEASE, Senator Kerry, PLEASE run for President again. Please, please, please, please, PLEASE. I'm begging you to run for President again. I'm typically not a fan of performance art, but your material from the '04 campaign was BRILLIANT. Sacha Baron Cohen never came up with a funnier character than you. And your wife, as portrayed by Zsa Zsa Gabor? Faghedaboudit! HILARIOUS! There was so much good material from you in '04. Remember that comic salute when you accepted your party's nomination for the Presidency? Remember those wonderful football pictures? OOOOOH, man. GOOD times! I'm BEGGING you to run again. We all know you still have lots of good material in you. "Now I would like to do impression of President of United State. Hello, I am John Kerry. I am President of United State." WHOOO!

Newt Gingrich

Apparently, Newt Gingrich really has considered a run for the Presidency. I have no idea why. It's not that Newt is a dumb guy. He's not. A lot of his ideas as architect of the Contract for America were good ideas. It's just that he was a ham-fisted legislator and he made a lot of enemies in Washington. Many people still think of him as a "get Clinton at any cost" kind of guy, and see him as a big reason for the impeachment debacle. Plus, the main thing that Newt really managed to do during his time in power was draw Slick Willie back to the center, politically. Well, at least he managed to get Slick Willie to pretend to be in the political center … long enough to BS his way through the '96 election. That's Newt's real legacy: the second term of the Bill Clinton Presidency. I guess you could say that I still hold a grudge.

Al Gore

Al Gore is certifiable. He's just whacked out of his mind. He says he's not going to run again, but I wouldn't put anything past him. In a way, Al Gore is the Oliver Stone of American politics: He's a movie maker for whom truth is a relative concept. Of course, Al is VERY popular with conspiracy theorists and ecology nuts. If you believe that the US Government finished their attempt to frame OJ just in time to rig the 2000 Presidential election, then he's your guy. Or, if you believe that polar bears are bursting into flames all over the frozen north, then Al represents what you believe. Meanwhile, those of us who don't drop acid spend a lot of time scratching our heads and wondering what the hell Al Gore is talking about.

Sam Brownback

I like Senator Brownback from Kansas. Still, I wish he weren't running for President. As a pro-lifer, I was a huge fan of Rick Santorum, the Pennsylvania wonder boy. I call him that because it's a wonder that he was ever elected in the state of Pittsburgh, Philly and Allentown. Santorum was a Stellar conservative and a reliable pro-lifer. And he wasn't just reliable to vote the right way; Santorum could be counted on to introduce important legislation, too. Now that he's gone, there are few in the Senate who can replace him. One of the closest is Sam Brownback. If there's going to be another pro-life go-to guy along the lines of Santorum in the Senate, it's gotta be Brownback. And that's exactly where I want him, too. If America's pro-lifers are going to win the fight to outlaw abortion as birth-control, it's going to be won in the legislature, where judges are appointed and laws are made. As a pro-lifer, I think we need Sam Brownback right where he is now.

There are, of course, other candidates I could mention. Condi Rice might be the smartest, savviest natural-born-leader in Washington right now, but she doesn't want to run. Santorum would be great, but that's not gonna happen. Jeb Bush would have to have stones the size of grapefruit to consider running after all his family has been through this decade. Of course, the SouthCon dream candidate is Michael Steele, but that ain't gonna happen, either.

Anyway, as long as the Great Satan doesn't perch in the White House again, I'm sure we'll be fine.

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Saturday, January 20, 2007


Phallic Flour Fiasco

In the words of Maggie Simpson, "This is indeed a disturbing universe." Here's proof.

A woman who was arrested and jailed for three weeks on drug charges for what turned out to be flour-filled condoms has settled a lawsuit against the city (of Philadelphia) for $180,000.

"Under the circumstances, something went terribly wrong," Janet H. Lee's attorney, Jeffrey Ibrahim, said Wednesday. "We're trying to ensure that nothing like that ever happens again."

Lee was a freshman at Bryn Mawr College in 2003 when she tried to take three condoms filled with flour in her carry-on bag on a flight to Los Angeles. They were discovered by airport screeners, and authorities said initial tests showed they contained drugs. Lee was held for 21 days on drug trafficking charges until later tests showed she was telling the truth.

Turns out, she was using the condoms as ... uh ... stress relievers.

No, really. Stress relievers:

Lee said the flour-filled condoms were a phallic toy students would squeeze to deal with exam stress, and she thought they were funny and packed them to show friends at home. Lee, now a 21-year-old senior, said she did not know that drug dealers often carry drugs in condoms.

It's not often that I'm lost for words. I'll just leave it at that.

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Friday, January 19, 2007


Chester: Action Star

I got the idea from the Unseen Blogger:

If this goes over well, the sequel, promised at the end, will go into production soon.

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Thursday, January 18, 2007



I hadn't intended to mention this here for a while, but I screwed up the other day and posted a comment at another blog while I was logged on with the wrong profile … and then made a bumbling attempt at an explanation … so, anyway …

I've started another blog, where I'll post stuff about one of my life-long interests and hobbies, heavy metal music. I'll be posting there with at least one other blogger and maybe a few others. It's just kind of a loose, fun thing, as is befitting the topic.

I've started this second blog because I abso-friggin-lutely love heavy metal music and I feel drawn to write about it, from one angle or another, from time to time. I love metal. I grew up on it. I was a teenager in the '80's, during the height of metal's popularity, and I've never stopped enjoying it. I don't think I ever will. I'm sure I'll spend the rest of my life reading comic books, playing video games, and crankin' up the metal. I've written about metal here in the past, but I've always felt that those SouthCon entries have stuck out like a sore thumb.

For one thing, this blog is mainly devoted to family life and my religious and political opinions … so posts about Metallica and the like tend to seem out of place here.

For another thing, metal just doesn't seem to interest the few folks who've been kind enough to make a habit of checking this blog. It makes sense for me to try to keep that particular interest segregated and try to build something separate with it.

Beyond that, there's the issue of vulgarity.

As you may or may not know, vulgar language is fairly common place in the world of heavy metal. Metal bands and metal fans tend toward a course manner of speech that wouldn't be appropriate at the same blog where I post about my family and my religious faith. Now, this is not to say that I'll be using vulgar language at my other blog, I won't consciously write differently there than I do here. But if I quote song lyrics or quote from an interview, I'll not be compelled to censor the language the way I would at SouthCon.

And, if you're interested, here's where I stand on the matter of vulgarity: It really doesn't bother me. I'm more interested in context and intent than I am in words themselves, and I'm more offended by a bad idea expressed well than I am by an innocuous expression roughly phrased.

As far as the "satanic" element of metal goes, here's the thing: Bands like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Marilyn Manson, etc., have to a large extent built their careers around the ability to freak people out. That's part of the attraction for some of their fans. However, when you examine the actual lyrical content of their music, you'll find that it's harmless. It's typically just b-grade horror movies stuff, and I'd be far more comfortable with my kids listening to that than I would if they were listening to music that actually encouraged alcohol abuse (like lots of country music) violence (like most hip hop) and sexual promiscuity (just turn on the radio).

Now, there are a few bands out there who really do despise Christianity. Some of them write lyrics that I just can't take seriously, and while I wouldn't play them around my kids, I still enjoy their music for the sake of their well played songs (for instance, Slayer.) Then there are bands who write anti-Christian lyrics that really bug me … I guess because they argue their case better, or because they attack Christianity on philosophical grounds. Some of those bands have a sound that I really enjoy, but I don't listen to them because the lyrics bug me too much. A great example would be the very talented but horribly negative band called Lamb of God.

Most of the metal that I listen to, however, features positive, honest, smart lyrical content. I'm thinking about the last two Tool albums, and about Killswitch Engage, and like POD, and like Anthrax and Metallica and, yes, Iron Maiden. I'd be happy to discuss those bands' lyrics with my priest, my kids, my mom or anyone. I might need to censor an f-word here or an s-word there, but the content, the context is what matters, and those bands express ideas that I support and/or agree with.

So, anyway, there it is. I'll write my metal stuff there, and I'll write my other stuff here.

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Tuesday, January 16, 2007


Who's What?

The other day, I received the following exciting offer in the mail:

Dear Darrell,
It is my pleasure to inform you that you are being considered for inclusion into the 2006/2007 Metropolitan Who's Who Among Executives And Professionals "Honors Edition" of the Registry.

The 2006/2007 edition of the Registry will include biographics of our country's most accomplished professionals. Recognition of this kind is an honor shared by thousands of executives and professionals throughout America each year. Inclusion is considered by many as the single highest mark of achievement…

On behalf of the Managing Director, we wish you continued success.

This exciting offer wasn't surprising to me. In fact, the only thing that surprises me is that it took so long for me to receive this thrilling and dynamic offer. Just ask anyone who knows me and they'll tell you, if there are two words that describe me (and there are more than two), they are "Metropolitan" and "Executive."

If there are two more words, they're "Thrilling" and "Dynamic."

In fact, just last night at work, this was reaffirmed as I met the demanding demands of my job as a menial paper-mill production worker: During a break between production sets as I stood wiping sweat from my forehead with a paper towel and eating a Pop Tart, my boss came up to me and told me that at that moment I looked particularly metropolitan.

I investigated the opportunity at the Metropolitan Who's Who website, where I learned that "Metropolitan Who's Who publishes an electronic biographical directory, listing thousands of successful individuals..." Of course, a biographical directory is far better than a biographic directory (or one of those dreaded biographistic directories).

I checked out a sample entry for a woman in Australia who has fifty years of experience as an engineer. I'm assuming she is the kind of engineer that means "I have a random college degree" and not "I chugga chugga on a choo choo train." I'm guessing that, with fifty years of experience, she'd be in her mid-seventies by now. So I was very happy for her when I saw that her hobbies include "rowing." She must be very dynamic.

In the FAQ, I clicked on the question "How did you get my name?" and I learned that the Metropolitan Who's Who selected me as a candidate "from executive and professional lists based on certain demographics." That's reassuring as well. I'd feel odd about being selected based on uncertain demographics.

The letter is dated "December 22," but I only received it a couple of days ago. I can only assume that the post was delayed due to the death of Gerald Ford. I checked to see if President Ford was listed in the Metropolitan Who's Who and I didn't see him listed. Oh, well. I suppose the big to-do made about his death was justifiable anyway.

Of course, I'll jump on this opportunity immediately. Just as soon as I finish this second Pop Tart.

(But wait, it gets better! Read Who's What? Part II.)

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Hubba Hubba!

Check out Girls Gone Wild, the Baghdad edition:

I don't know about you, but I need a cold shower now. Man, what a nice pair of wrists that one chick had!


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Hugh Laurie

Congratulations to Hugh Laurie, who won the Golden Globe for his performance on House. His acceptance speech was funny and enjoyable. The audio in this clip is really, really low, so you'll need to crank the volume to hear it.

I've been a big Hugh Laurie fan since the days of Fry and Laurie and Black Adder. Those of us who've known him as a comic Brit might have taken a while to get used to him as the star of an American TV drama ... nonetheless, I really enjoy House. I know that some of the bloggers I read are TV hating elitists, but I can't help but enjoy the show.

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Saturday, January 13, 2007


FDR's Favorite Joke

As remembered by Bob Hope in Don't Shoot, It's Only Me.

(And, as paraphrased by yours truly.)

During WWII, a US Marine in the Pacific complained to his commanding officer that he hadn't had a chance to engage a Japanese soldier in combat.

"You want to fight a Japanese soldier?" his superior asked. "Here's what to do. Go to the top of that hill and yell 'To hell with Hirohito!' That oughta smoke one out."

So the marine does as he's been instructed and, sure enough, a Japanese soldier runs out from the jungle below. "To hell with Roosevelt!" yells the Japanese soldier.

With great disappointment, the Marine lowers his rifle and returns to his commanding officer.

"Why didn't you shoot him?" the officer asks.

The Marine replies "I couldn't shoot that guy. He's a fellow Republican."


Here's to FDR ... a Democrat who not only had a backbone, but a sense of humor, too.

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Friday, January 12, 2007


Tears And Vomit

Liam has had a terrible week. We all have.

There's some kind of virus going around and I think everyone I know has had it over the past week or so. I've been on vacation this week, and I've spent a great deal of my vacation in the bathroom, thanks to this virus. Liam has it right now, and the virus seems to be capping his week off in style.

Wednesday there was a snow day in this county (no actual snow that I saw, but it was in the forecast, so there was a snow day) and the kids missed school. So I watched the kids because Wendy had class and college classes aren't canceled just because the word snow has been used on the radio.

So Wednesday morning I managed to make it to the couch just as Wendy was leaving for school, and I promptly fell back asleep as soon as I sat down. I woke up some time later, and this is what I saw: Liam was face down in the hallway and Chester, our basset hound, was standing on top of him. Chester was looking at me as if to say "Hey, look! I conquered the boy!" Liam, face down and highly agitated, was yelling at Chester that this was "his last chance" to get off of him. I don't think that Chester was too concerned.

I called Chester to the couch, which he promptly conquered as enthusiastically as he'd conquered the boy, and Liam went to his room to play Gamecube.

Yesterday evening the virus hit Liam like a freight train, and he became something of a human fire hydrant. (How's that for an image?) This, of course, involved a great deal of crisis management and clean-up on the part of the adults in the area. Liam did manage to make it to the bathroom, but he hadn't managed to make it to the toilet, so the bathroom wasn't in ideal shape. Because I have a violent aversion to vomit, Wendy got stuck doing the cleaning while I just fetched stuff (mop, bucket, Pine-Sol, etc.)

Wendy hates the smell of Pine-Sol. She says that her clearest childhood memories of the scent of Pine-Sol are associated with someone having just thrown up, so the very smell of Pine-Sol makes her feel sick. To me, Pine-Sol conjures up the image of a fresh, clean pine forest. For Wendy, Pine-Sol conjures up the image of a fresh, clean pine forest … that someone has thrown up in.

I felt bad for Liam last night because … well, he was throwing up. And he was crying about it because … well, everyone hates to throw up. Especially little kids. It could have been worse, though. At least Chester didn't take advantage of Liam's state to launch a new attack.

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Thursday, January 11, 2007


Crime Doesn't Pay

Three stories of crime and consequences, presented with the hopes that young'uns might learn somethin':

Story #1: "Drop the gun, drop your trousers."

DUBLIN, N.H. - A would-be thief found himself foiled, under gunfire - and without pants.

Police said a homeowner discovered an intruder one night two weeks ago. The homeowner pulled a gun, fired what police described as warning shots, and told the intruder to shed his pants and shoes…

"I believe his thinking was that by taking away the suspect's pants, it would slow him down or prevent him from trying to get away, or make it easier for us to find him if he did get away," New Hampshire State Police Sgt. Christopher Aucoin said.

Story #2: "Pigs and possums aren't for throwing"

West Point, Miss., has been seeing a rash of animal-tossing episodes, the Associated Press reports.

The most recent episode was the toss of a 60-pound pig over the counter of the Holiday Inn Express by Kevin Pugh, 20. No one was hurt, including the pig.

Pugh was fined $279, and given some very strange looks by police, who find the trend very bizarre.

"This was the silliest thing I've ever seen," McCaskill said. "Almost every officer we had was involved because the incidents kept happening at different hours."

McCaskill said there have been four late-night incidents involving animal-tossing at West Point businesses. Twice a pig was tossed; two of the incidents involved possums.

Story #2: "The wonderful thing about Tigger / Is Tigger ain't takin' your s#!t"

Home video of a costumed Tigger character apparently punching a boy in the face and knocking him back at a Walt Disney World theme park has prompted an Orange County Sheriff's investigation into the incident and led to the suspension of the cast member, according to a Local 6 News report.

The Monaco family of New Hampshire said they were visiting a Disney theme park and posing for a photo with Tigger when the character landed a hard punch.

"You don't come here for this," father Jerry Monaco said…

"At first I was upset at my son," Monaco Sr. said. "I thought he did something to Tigger. But then I review it and it is pretty clear, for no reason he just clocked him in the face."

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Tuesday, January 09, 2007


Perilous Four

MCF is Perilous again.

1. From toxic waste.
From what did the Toxic Avenger draw his powers?

2. Toes.
What makes this webpage so creepy?

3. I kept flashing the biggest, cheesiest teeth-displaying smile I could after each reading.
Why did you keep going back to that old lady who reads palms?

4. Future Ted tells his kids to practice abstinence before marriage, while present Ted was sleeping with a girlfriend who had yet to tell him she loved him.
What made time travel so ironic and unpredictable for Senator Kennedy?

5. George Takei.
What's more disturbing, George Takei or this picture, which came up when I entered the word "disturbing" into Google image search?

6. 24.
At what age do most people begin to realize their potential?

7. 30.
And at what age is that potential gone forever if they haven't maximized it, leaving them downtrodden and prone to write weepy, self-pitying blog entries on their birthday?

8. Accidentally turning and whacking a mentally-challenged girl in the head with a metal pipe.
What's the surest way to ruin a date with a mentally-challenged girl?

9. A tank full of hot girls.
What's better than a barrel of monkeys?

10. A tank full of unspeakable insects.
What's better than a tank full of unspeakable insects AND venomous snakes?

11. Greg Lee.
Who married the hottest girl from Darrell's high school graduation class?

12. I was afraid of getting water on my face.
What always made getting a swirlie particularly terrifying?

13. ...23 38 61...
What are the measurements of your ideal woman?

14. Smaller than a nickel, but larger than a dime, and brown.
How might you describe your iris?

15. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start.
What is almost the title of the sixth track on the most recent Deftones album?

16. Grant filing the meat.
What band has a stranger name than Grant Lee Buffalo?

17. James; Sean; Charles.
What three names can't Darrell find a connection between?

18. Her nipple.
What do you demand that any woman show you before getting into your car?

19. Tamers.
Who tames?

20. A pickle suit.
What makes the girl in the middle of the picture to the right (from a Burger King commercial) so special?


Monday, January 08, 2007



I had a lot going on last week and little time for blogging … but hopefully, there'll be more time this week.

Here are a few random things I've come across recently:

Granddaddy Long Legs posted this political inclination quiz. Where does it rank you? I'm a bit to the right of Bob Dole and just behind Dutch. I count that as a good place to be.

Speaking of politics, here's some homegrown advice for the Democratic party: When you lay down with the dogs, you get up with the fleas.

Oh, and what's the biggest threat to a super-multi-ethno-cultural government in America? Abortion. Just ask Nancy Pelosi:

“It took a long time to get a woman Speaker,” said Rep. Pelosi, “because we killed off 30-to-40 million potential Democrat voters in the last 35 years. Otherwise, by now we could have had a black lesbian Speaker, universal tax-funded healthcare, and a ban on ownership of guns, personal automobiles and private investment accounts.”

Then again, that's an item from Scrappleface, and probably too accurate to be true.

I found out from Stop The ACLU that the Heavy Metal band Stuck Mojo is under attack from those who support Islamofascist terrorists. I'm not a fan of the band's music, I find it repetitive and adolescent. Still, this video remix of their latest single held my attention, and as you might imagine, I am kinda sympathetic to their message:

Those Which Superhero Are You tests are usually pretty silly, and although I often take them, I rarely post the results. This one, however, mentioned by Spiritual Tramp, might be the best one I've seen … because it correctly identified me as the wall-crawler.

I can't possibly hat tip everyone who's posted this meme … it's everywhere. Now, it's at SouthCon, too:

[A is for age]: 38 years old.

[B is for beer of choice]: Bass Ale.

[C is for career]: As Otis would say, I'm a dumb laborer.

[D is for favorite Drink]: Non-alcoholic, I presume. Good, strong, black, hot coffee. Papua New Guinea is my favorite import.

[E is for Essential item you use everyday]: I can't believe how addicted I've become to my cell phone.

[F is for Favorite song at the moment]: All year I've played Tool's latest album, 10,000 Days, like crazy. I am currently in love with the title track.

[G is for favorite Game]: I'm a Splinter Cell junkie. No, I don't have the new one yet, can't justify the expense … but as soon as it's cheap and/or I can afford it, I can't wait to go double agent.

[H is for Home town]: No, H is for "Hey, I'm not totally comfortable disclosing that for some reason."

[I is for Instruments you play]: I can play the radio. Does that count?

[J is for favorite Juice]: Favorite juice? Come on … of all the words that start with the letter J, all you can come up with is favorite friggin' juice? How lame. I'm not even going to answer that. As far as I'm concerned, J is for favorite Joker action figure, and I'm going with the one to the right.

[K is for Kids]: Three. Last I checked.

[L is for last kiss]: Dear Lord, I hope not.

[M is for marriage]: Yes.

[N is for full Name]: Darrell. My last name is all over this blog, too. I don't know why I'm so reluctant to divulge stuff like that right now. Geez, this meme gets pretty personal, doesn't it? Now I know why Eddie Vedder treats reporters like something stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

[O is for Overnight hospital stays]: Oh, man, let's see: Bladder biopsy in '96. Another for a third degree burn in '04. Both of my back surgeries were out-patient. I think that's it.

[P is for phobias]: House centipedes. If I see one of these monsters I run screaming like an 8 year old girl. And so do you. Don't lie.

[Q is for quotes]: "There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'" - C.S. Lewis, in The Great Divorce

[R is for biggest Regret]: Oh, man. Do we have to go there? Geez, I thought blogging was supposed to be fun. I guess I'll say my biggest regret was that first cigarette, 24 or so years ago.

[S is for sports]: EA Sports. It's in the game.

[T is for Time you wake up]: I'm a shift worker. Is there a specific time when most people wake up?

[U is for color underwear]: Tighty and, yes, Whitey

[V is for Vegetable you love]: Tomatoes are technically a vine fruit, but fresh ones in the summer time are a slice of heaven. As far as green veggies, I guess I will pick fresh green beans.

[W is for Worst Habit]: Self-indulgences of all stripes.

[X is for X-rays you've had]: What? That's dumb. A bunch. Like most people.

[Y is for Yummy food you make]: I haven't in a while, but I can make a homemade chili that will make you want to sucker punch your mamma.

[Z is for zodiac sign]: I really don't know or care. Can't Z be for something cool? How about Z is for zoo animals that scare you. I'll take a stand on this and say that ostriches are godawful things. They're awful, their evil, and they should be destroyed for the good of humanity. I mean, just look at them. Just look at the one in the picture to the left. It clearly hates us all, right? It hates us all, and given the chance, it would kill each of us and everyone we love. And burn our damned houses down. Trust me on this. Ostriches are the spawn of some great, angry, odd-looking demon of hell. If you've never been chased through a zoo by an escaped ostrich, you might not agree ... but I have been, and that's a story for another day.

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