Saturday, March 28, 2009

 

The Shovel List: Addendum 5



I have no idea how to respond to this. Other than with a shovel.

The list of people that I'd like to
hit in the face with a shovel* includes:


Cecile Richards

Cecile Richards is the President of Planned Parenthood. One of her closest back-pocket politicians is The Great Satan, Hillary Clinton.

The current Secretary of State has championed abortion on demand for years. Cecile Richards is about to show her appreciation to Hillary by presenting her with the Margaret Sanger award.

You read that right. It's an award named for Margaret Sanger.

What, would it have been a bit too obvious to present Hillary with an award named for Pol Pot or Hitler?

On the off chance that you don't know, Margaret Sanger championed abortion in the name of "eugenics," her word for ethnic cleansing. Sanger wanted to wipe out what she thought of as the lesser races with the hopes of creating a pure, white master race.

This is the most outrageous thing I've ever heard of. So here's Dan, taking one to the face, as he usually does, for Cecile Richards:



*Disclaimer: The usual disclaimer doesn't apply here. I'm just too disgusted.

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Friday, March 13, 2009

 

The Shovel List: Addendum 04



It's always sad when formerly brilliant people become bitter and hateful and petty in their old age.

(No, I'm not talking about myself, smartass. I've never been brilliant. I get by on my looks.)

The list of people that I'd like to
hit in the face with a shovel* includes:


David Letterman

Here's Letterman just trashing Rush Limbaugh in the ugliest, most unpleasant way:

Ya know, I don't enjoy Limbaugh because he's often hateful and sometimes seems incapable of empathy. It's a little ironic that Letterman has has become just as bad, maybe worse.

So today Dan takes one to the face for a a nasty old windbag who I used to enjoy a whole lot:



*Disclaimer: The author doesn't actually wish physical harm upon anyone on this list, and probably won't feel as pissed off at Letterman as I am right now in ten minutes or so. The author doesn't intend to encourage anyone to actually, physically hit anyone on this list with a shovel. In the event that someone does actually hit anyone on this list with a shovel, the author respectfully insists that the shovel-swinger must not pull some kind of John Hinckley/Jodie Foster deal and say that it was done to impress the author. The author reserves the right, though, to snicker quietly if someone actually does hit someone on this list in the face with a shovel.

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Friday, February 27, 2009

 

The Shovel List: Addendum 03



I'm gonna have fun with this one.

The list of people that I'd like to
hit in the face with a shovel* includes:


Janeane Garofalo

Remember Janeane Garofalo? She was one of those "rising stars to watch" back in the '90's. And if you did watch this rising star, you saw her fizzle out in a rather nondescript fashion. The highlight of her career was probably a Ben Stiller vehicle called Mystery Men, a movie that few people saw and far fewer people could stomach.


Well, Janeane Garofalo appeared on the Keith Olbermann Trainwreck the other night and made the following pronouncements:


Olbermann agreed that Steele suffers from "self-loathing."

Now, "self-loathing" seems to be an obsessive topic with Garofalo, judging from her imdb biography.I mean, damn... we're talking about a woman who named her production company I Hate Myself Productions.

And this is a woman who had breast reduction surgery "to get people to pay attention to me without mocking me," so self-image problems seem to be a constant in her life. It's not at all surprising to find out that she has fifteen tattoos. And, hey, nothing wrong with tattoos. I have a couple of 'em myself. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar, sometimes a tattoo is just a tattoo. And sometimes a self-hating narcissist who's obsessed with her physical appearance becomes addicted to body modification in a transparent attempt to turn herself into someone she can stand to look at.

But, hey, Garofalo's turnip-like countenance is hardly the worst thing she has going for her. We're not talking here about someone who's blessed herself with a lifetime of smart decisions. Continuing at her imdb biography, with the text I've pulled directly from that source in green:

Now, a patient, empathetic blogger ought to be able to look at Garofalo's history of failures, flops, missed opportunities and disasters and feel some pity for her. A kindhearted blogger ought to view Janeane's recent crappy remarks as nothing more than an indication of the pitiful bitterness and perpetual regret that must haunt her life. Yeah, a blogger with any compassion at all ought to be able to give her the benefit of the doubt.

But I ain't that guy.

Instead, I hereby offer Janeane Garofalo a shovel to the face.

Today, Dan has the honor of standing in for a miserable, washed-up, pretentious, leathery old has-been named Janeane Garofalo:




*Disclaimer: The author doesn't actually wish physical harm upon anyone on this list, although he really doesn't care that he'll be branded a misogynist for placing Garofalo on this list. The author doesn't intend to encourage anyone to actually, physically hit anyone on this list with a shovel. In the event that someone does actually hit anyone on this list with a shovel, the author respectfully insists that the shovel-swinger must not pull some kind of John Hinckley/Jodie Foster deal and say that it was done to impress the author. The author reserves the right, though, to snicker quietly if someone actually does hit someone on this list in the face with a shovel. But I don't want anyone to physically hit Janeane Garofalo. She's been through enough, really, and there's no reason to expect anything more than continuing failures, disappointments and second-bests in her future. She's just done.

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Thursday, February 12, 2009

 

The Shovel List - Addendum 02



I don't watch "reality TV." I'm only peripherally aware of the "stars" of those shows due to the internet, friends, etc.

Congratulations, Wife Swap, you've actually turned up a jerk who's even more vacuous, more hateful and a great deal more disgusting than the cast of The Hills.

The list of people that I'd like to
hit in the face with a shovel* includes:


Stephen Fowler

If you have the stomach for it, you can click here and watch this affected scumball mock a friendly, innocent woman in specific ... and America in general.

And you can read more here.

Here's Dan, taking one to the face as a stand-in for a piece of shit known as Stephen Fowler.:




*Disclaimer: The author doesn't actually wish physical harm upon anyone on this list, although I really, honestly would like to physically strike this Stephen Fowler asshole. The author doesn't intend to encourage anyone to actually, physically hit anyone on this list with a shovel. In the event that someone does actually hit anyone on this list with a shovel, the author respectfully insists that the shovel-swinger must not pull some kind of John Hinckley/Jodie Foster deal and say that it was done to impress the author. The author reserves the right, though, to snicker quietly if someone actually does hit someone on this list in the face with a shovel. And to laugh out loud with wild abandon if someone does it to Stephen Fowler.

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Sunday, February 08, 2009

 

The Shovel List - Addendum 01



Yeah, I'll stick with this concept. And it sure didn't take long for me to come up with another name for the list:

The list of people that I'd like to
hit in the face with a shovel* includes:


Keith Olbermann

I might actually go around Al gore to get a swat at this guy. He's added to the Shovel List in light of his insistence that Dick Cheney should be "made to desist" from making remarks critical of President Obama.

But, wait ... didn't we hear for eight years how dissent is the highest form of patriotism? And isn't it still censorship when the left advocates for it?

Today Dan stands in for MSNBC's lead asshole:




*Disclaimer: The author doesn't actually wish physical harm upon anyone on this list. The author doesn't intend to encourage anyone to actually, physically hit anyone on this list with a shovel. In the event that someone does actually hit anyone on this list with a shovel, the author respectfully insists that the shovel-swinger must not pull some kind of John Hinckley/Jodie Foster deal and say that it was done to impress the author. The author reserves the right, though, to snicker quietly if someone actually does hit someone on this list in the face with a shovel. Especially Al Gore.

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The Shovel List



This is the start of a new SouthCon feature, something simple, dumb and memorable enough that I might actually keep at it.

I don't have a Bucket List, but I do have a Shovel List. That is, a list of people I'd like to hit in the face with a shovel.

Here's the first installment.

The list of people that I'd like to
hit in the face with a shovel* includes:




This list, I'm sure, will grow. It will grow as surely as my venomous, childish spite toward a world I can't control grows every day. Stay tuned for more fun!

In closing, "Dan" stands in for everyone on the list. Especially Al gore.




*Disclaimer: The author doesn't actually wish physical harm upon anyone on this list. The author doesn't intend to encourage anyone to actually, physically hit anyone on this list with a shovel. In the event that someone does actually hit anyone on this list with a shovel, the author respectfully insists that the shovel-swinger must not pull some kind of John Hinckley/Jodie Foster deal and say that it was done to impress the author. The author reserves the right, though, to snicker quietly if someone actually does hit someone on this list in the face with a shovel. Especially Al Gore.

Labels:


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