Not sure what to think about this ... Sam Raimi has revealed that the villain in 2011's Spider-Man 4 will be a new villain made by combining Venom and Sandman, the bad guys from the last film.

Concept art has been revealed on YouTube:

Labels: Blogs, Movies, You Tube

MCF's latest.

1) When you see Kurtwood Smith, do you think ”Red Forman” or ”Clarence Boddicker”?

I'd actually forgotten that Red Forman was even in Robocop. I only ever saw That 70's Show three or four times. It never really grabbed me.

2) Do our social roles during our school years lock us in to who we will be for the rest of our lives?

Gut reaction: We're not locked into anything. But most of us carry over a lot of crap from high school, most of it negative and/or useless. That iconic image from Pink Floyd The Wall really gets it right. School is a meatgrinder.

3) Do you typically come to a full stop at a Stop Sign?

I think I actually do. I got a ticket once for not doing so and I never forgot it.

4) Which is prettier: a sunrise or a sunset?

Sunset. No idea why I feel that way, but I feel strongly about it.

5) On a recent episode of Reaper, one of the characters uses Les Nessman as a fake name. On a recent 30 Rock, a character was referred to as a ”Radar O'Reilly”. I love such pop culture nods, but as I'm getting older, I wonder: does anyone under the age of 30 get these references?

WOT R U TALKINBOUT? TXT ME L8R.

6) Does your imagination ever cause you to wince?

All the time. Ever been cheated on? 'Nuff said.

7) Is there a place in science fiction for more fantastic elements such as intervention from a higher power, celestial beings, or shared visions?

Sure, I guess. Never thought about it. Why wouldn't there be?

8) Baked or original Doritos?

Original Nacho Cheese flavor. Mmmmm.

10) Does anyone still use rotary phones?

I'm sure that somewhere, somebody's grandma has a rotary phone AND a party line.

11) Should the Poll go up to 11?

We really gotta come up with a new Spinal Tap reference. How about "You can't really dust for vomit."

Labels: Blogs, Links

...based on a very frustrating recent conversation. I'd link to it but there's no point. The owner of that blog stops by here from time to time. He can provide a link in the comments if he wants to.

Anyway ...

I don't believe that abortion on demand is legal in this country because the majority of Americans believe that it's morally acceptable. I believe that abortion on demand remains legal for an uglier reason. I have to hang at least some of the blame on those Americans who know that abortion on demand is a moral abomination ... but they continue to champion the availability of "choice" so they can avoid taking a stand.

There's nothing more disappointing than people who flat-out know better, but lack the courage of their convictions.

And I get SO. DAMN. TIRED. of that gutless little argument that "Abortion is wrong for me, but who am I to impose my morality on others?"

Is armed robbery wrong for you? Is kidnapping wrong for you? Is rape wrong for you? Is it OK for you to impose THAT morality on others?

If the "progressive" left suddenly came out in favor of armed robbery, would you support that with your vote as well?

All rhetorical, of course.

We'd be much closer to real freedom for ALL Americans if the slipperly ones among us would grow a pair, stop caring about the opinions of elitist liberals who don't respect them anyway, and actually stand up for something.

A quote often credited to Edmund Burke sums it up: "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing."

Labels: Blogs, Politics

Ya know, you really gotta be careful about where you slap those price-tags.

See more of this kind of thing at FailBlog.

Labels: Blogs, Humor

After four and a half years of blogging I'm approaching five hundred thousand hits. That's pretty cool. So thanks to those of you who visit this site, especially those of you who are kind enough to check my blog on a regular basis and leave comments.

I rarely think to check my StatCounter account; that's the free service I use to log information about my visitors and the myriad of paths they follow to get to this blog.

When I do think to check with that service I'm always particularly interested in the keywords that have led one search engine or another to point people in my direction.

Here are a few from the most recent entries in my StatCounter log:

• Hot Naked Men
  
  No kidding, that's a search term that somehow lead someone here for a visit. To be precise, they ended up at the page linked here, which is a post about the TV show Cops and an episode I referred to as "The Naked Screaming Drunk Fat Old Man Show."
  
  I'm almost certain that my post did not provide the kind of content that my visitor was looking for.
  
  But now that I've used the phrase Hot Naked Men as a the title of this post (and repeated it throughout the post itself ... Hot Naked Men! Hot Naked Men!) I suppose I can expect more visits from certain kinds of people looking for love in all the wrong places.



• Signs Of The Coming Zombie Apocalypse
  
  Some Googler searched for that phrase and ended up here at SouthCon reading a post with almost that exact phrase for a title.
  
  I can only hope that I was able to somehow adequately help someone prepare for wave after wave of the walking dead.
  
  Because, you know, it's just a matter of time.



• Christine Chubbuck
  
  I get these hits every day. My post about the death of Christine Chubbuck is easily the most popular thing I've ever written.
  
  For a while my post was one of relatively few internet sources of information about Christine Chubbuck. Then the E! cable channel did a feature and now there are a number of sites about her.
  
  E! actually contacted me when they were working on their piece to see if I could provide them with any more information. I couldn't, I'd drawn the facts in my own piece from public sources. But I did point the producer at E! toward the same sources I'd used, and it was apparent to me that they'd been useful in the feature that the cable channel turned out.



• Maddog 20/20
  
  SouthCon is also a source for info on cheap wine.

Those are just a few of the search terms that really stuck out. I can't help but wonder what might be on the rest of the list; the older data that StatCounter doesn't provide.

Labels: Blogs

Does Jimbo at BlackFive speak for all of us? Maybe not. But he damn sure speaks for me:

Language warning: Jimbo uses the appropriate terms to discuss President Daffy Duck's shit sandwich.

You know, I've avoided debt all my life. I've never lived beyond my means. If I can't afford it, I don't need it. A life dangling from a credit card is no life at all.

My mama taught me that. I've tried to teach it to my kids.

Thank you, you titanic f---heads in congress, for trying your best to undo all those lessons. We've got a word for you Rent-A-Center low-lifes down around these parts: White Trash. I don't give a damn what your race, color or creed is. Every one of you who voted for this bill is plain ol' White Trash, pure and simple. May each and every one of you rot in hell.

Labels: Blogs, Links, News, Politics

Can this really be the twenty-fifth round? I guess so. Wow.

1) Where were you when America's new president was sworn into office? I know not everyone voted for the guy(I didn't), but it's hard not to notice the historical significance, and as much as I was dealing with in my personal life this past week, I definitely saw the effects of the inauguration on those around me, and I'm sure we all have interesting stories to share.

I was at work. I made a half-hearted attempt to watch some streaming video of the event over the net but couldn't get anything to load. Apparently, for the first time (to my knowledge), the company's servers were overloaded. I guess everyone at work tried to watch the inauguration over the internet.

Sorry, that's not much of an interesting story, is it? Maybe I should embellish it just a bit:

I was scrounging for money to buy heroin with writer/actor/producer Mike Meyers when Obama was sworn in. We're behind those two dumpsters in that lot across from Freddie's place. Mike, he's trying to listen to the inauguration on an old transistor radio he found someplace, but the antenna is missing and we keep picking up the PA system and the walkie-talkies down at the railroad. "Checking 5," some railroad dick keeps yelling, "checking 5," like we know what the hell that means. Mike keeps banging the radio against the side of the dumpster and cursing between fits of scratching himself like crazy and wiping his nose. Me, I'm not so bad off as Mike, I'd got fixed up the day before. Mike's been jonesing for three days. Freddie had cut him off, something about how Mike owes him money from lost options on a Love Guru sequel that's clearly not going to happen now. Not with everything shook up at Paramount. Every few minutes Mike tells me how Freddie is a "no-count shitf++k" and he tells me how he's gonna kill him. "Shhh," I say, "the new president is talking." But it's just that guy from the railroad again. "Checking 5," he says, "checking 5."

2) Who is your favorite legacy hero and why?

I really don't have one. I guess I'll say the second Night Owl, but really only because Watchmen is so great and it's currently in the forefront of my mind ... and everyone else's.

3) What was your best concert experience?

I've written everything I can think of about my concert experiences previously at this blog. If I had to pick one specific concert, I suppose it would be U2 on the Zoo TV Tour at Three Rivers Statium in Pittsburgh. That was the spring of '92, I think. Three Rivers doesn't exist anymore, of course, so that's part of what makes that show so memorable.

Other stand-out concerts would include Slayer at Betsy's Boathouse in Norfolk (early 90's, I think), AC/DC at the Roanoke Civic Center (probably late 80's), Tori Amos, solo, with just a piano at a tiny hall at UVA (early 90's again) and Metallica, who have always been really outstanding every time I've seen them.

4) You're piloting a plane when geese fly into your engine; what do you do?

Well, I'd try to do exactly what that heroic pilot did. I'd try to sit down ever-so-gently in the Hudson River. That might be especially difficult if I'd taken off from, say, an airport in Sicily ... but I'd point the nose in the general direction of the Hudson and I'd try everything I could to get there.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: Can you name all the GoBots in the following questionable clip?

Holy crap, dude. Why don't they have names already? Why didn't the creator of the Go-Bots name them? Damn. OK, if it's up to me to name them, I'm gonna call them Carrie, Marlon, Mo, Steve, LaRue, Jerry Lee, Eggplant, Rufus, Dummy, Star, The Glob, and Leeroy Jenkins.

Labels: Blogs, Links

For the next four days or so I'm gonna be busier than a one-armed cat in a room full of paper hangers. Or words to that effect. I don't expect to have much time to blog, but we'll see. I've got some overtime I'll probably have to work, etc. So that's all for now, talk to you later.

Labels: Blogs, Personal

A look back at the year as it closes ... each of the thumbnail pictures below is clickable. Click one and it'll take you to the relevant post.

This is 2008 as I followed it at the blog. The political, the cultural, the personal and the trivial. Mostly the trivial.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, Links, Movies, Music, Personal, Politics

I used to write about faith at this blog fairly frequently. I haven't in a long time. A year or so, I suppose.

My religious beliefs have been in flux for a long time. For as long as I can remember, really. I was raised Southern Baptist, and my religious upbringing wasn't a positive experience for me. During my mid 20's I was a militant agnostic: "I don't know and you don't, either." By my early 30's I became nominally pro-religion; I began to think that religion did more good than bad for most people, and although I maintained that it wasn't for me, I generally saw it as a force for good.

Then I got divorced and 9/11 happened and I panicked. For whatever reason I decided that it was important that I nail down exactly where I stood on religion. I started reading the Bible and C.S. Lewis and something clicked. I've gone from content agnostic to enthusiastic Catholic convert in the last few years, and at every stage along the way I've always been very happy to force my beliefs on the people around me.

Never in a positive way, though. My approach, my foundation, has always been "You're wrong! Here's why!"

I think that maybe the only thing I've ever really believed in is the blunt force of my own opinion.

I began to realize over the past year that my religious convictions were a house of cards. 2008 has been an awful year. It began with the culmination of some serious marital problems. Just as it began to look like my marriage might survive, a good friend of mine died out of the blue. Well, what happened was, first my friend's daughter committed suicide, and then about a month later he had a heart attack and died. I was still trying to sort that out when I was diagnosed with cancer in June. I've had three tumor resections since then and I'm going to have another next month.

And, yes, I might be endulging myself with more self-pity than these circumstances really warrant.

The worst of all of this was what happened with my friend. I haven't written about it here for two reasons. One reason is that I didn't want to trivialize the loss of my friend's daughter and his subsequent death by writing about it at a blog that's primarily dedicated to YouTube videos and fart jokes. The main reason that I haven't written about it, though, is that thinking about it hurts so godamn much that I just try to avoid thinking about it at all.

My friend's daughter died and there was absolutely nothing inside of me that enabled me to offer him any comfort. Don't misread what I wrote: I didn't complain that I couldn't comfort him. I was totally incapable of even trying to comfort him. This was a guy I loved and I was totally incapable of making a gesture beyond "I'm sorry for your loss." It ate at me, it kept me up at night, but I only came up empty handed. The truth of the matter was that, deep down, I simply believed that my friend's daughter was gone. Just gone.

And then one morning he was gone, too. And I think the main thing I feel about that is anger.

All of this stuff happened and I realized that there was nothing (absolutely NOTHING) built into the foundation of my faith that prepared me to handle it. I began to think that the reason I'd been drawn to the Catholic Church was really just that I line up very well with the Church's politics. I already believe what the Church teaches with regard to abortion, the death penalty, charity, etc. It was a good match.

But as far as the "spiritual core" of my beliefs, I'm as uncertain and as lost as I've ever been. I do know, though, that I've never had a transcendent experience. Not once. And I don't even want one. I don't want cause to doubt my own sanity any more than I already do. I still have this deep need to figure out where I'm coming from, to figure out what I believe and why, but I just have no idea where to go from here.

Here's the truth of my beliefs. These are the things that I believe deep down, and I don't know how to change them, or if I should change them, or what to do about them. I believe in God. I don't know why he'd feel anything but contempt or maybe pity for humanity, but I do believe in a God of some sort. I believe in altruism and love and kindness, I believe, in fact, that those are the only things that make life worth living. I don't believe in any sort of afterlife. I think that death is the end, that death is final, and that it's always a hair's breath away. I think life is fragile and mostly futile, and that it's still a wonderful, wonderful thing. The most important thing in the entire world to me is my son ... and I believe that all of the immortality that there is going to be for me will be in whatever good I'm able to pass along to him. If I'm able to be a good enough father for him to be able to look back in fifty years and say "I guess the old man wasn't a total shithead," then I think I'll have done well. I'll have been a better father than I ever had, anyway.

Those are the things I believe deep down and I don't know why I believe them, other than those seem like natural conclusions to me. I don't know what to do with those beliefs or how to reconcile them with the Church, with Christianity, with faith or with the world in general. Oh, and get this: I still believe that the Roman Catholic church is the best thing out there. Talk about being conflicted.

I know that one or two of my Christian friends are going to read this and be tempted to send me e-mails to try to reason with me. I appreciate it, but it won't really help. Trust me, I've been trying like hell to reason with myself for the past year.

If you want something poetic or philosophical, this is the best I can offer: I can't explain why or exactly what it is about it, but there's something essential about the things I believe in the lyrics to the Black Crowes song A Thorn In My Pride. That's the best I can offer, and it's typical of me. When in doubt, I come back to rock and roll.

I'm writing all of this because Scott at Spiritual Tramp posted this video that I saw today and it moved me to tears:

Generally, I've come to realize in the past year that the best thing I can do is keep all of this to myself. I made a couple of attempts to discuss these feelings with friends at one point earlier this year and I only managed to offend them. That is the one thing I'm good at. Even when I'm not trying (and I usually am trying), I can offend people like nobody's business. It comes naturally to me, I guess.

But the things Penn Jillette had to say hit me like a wrecking ball. I felt like I had to write something. If you've read this, thank you for indulging me.

Man, I really hope 2009 is a fairly innocuous year.

Labels: Bladder Cancer, Blogs, Faith, Politics, You Tube

Gonna be busy for the next few days. I'll talk to you after Christmas. Meanwhile:

• I will never, ever, ever, ever, EVER blog again after taking prescription drugs that impair my judgment.
  
  I'm not taking anything that I'm not supposed to take ... but some of the drugs I have to take occasionally do make me goofy. Really goofy. They makes me say silly things and laugh at silly things ... and type silly things. And the next morning I look at what I barely remember posting the night before and I spend about ten seconds trying to figure out what I was talking about and then I hit the delete post button as quickly as possible.
  
  Some writers have been lucid, creative and interesting while under the influence of controlled substances. Good for them. Chuck Palahniuk I am not.



• The Weather Channel is biased:

  
  

  I do take issue with the assertion that the Weather Channel uses "smooth jazz" to distract their viewers. I've heard Phish on the Weather Channel and they're a jam band.
  
  But, come to think of it, it did distract me.




• Some people are all to hell about Obama's choice of Rick Warren to give the invocation at his inauguration. The political gays (homosexual and heterosexual alike) are writhing in conniption fits about it. The moonbats at The Daily Kos (in this instance, the chief moonbat) compare Warren to Fred Phelps and David Duke.
  
  Remember, disagreeing with political gays regarding the definition of "marriage" is the same thing as hate. If you don't see things their way, you are a HATEMONGER!
  
  Look, I'm no Rick Warren fan. I think the guy is a hack and a snake-oil salesman. but compared to some of the "ministers" that Obama has associated with in the past, this guy is a huge step in the right direction. Warren is, at least, capable of a modicum of self-control.
  
  (Sidebar rant begins here)
  
  And before any Warrenites take issue with my assessment of their "purpose driven" clergyman ... yes, I have read Rick Warren. I bought The Purpose Driven Life after a protestant minister told me that I should read it, that it would change my life. He was right, it did change my life. It made me fifteen bucks poorer.
  
  So I'm entitled to my opinion that Rick Warren is a profit driven schmuck who peddles feel-good Wal-Mart "theology" to people who don't really want to think all that hard about religion.
  
  You really want to read about Christianity? Read a Bible. The actual words of Christ are in there. And this Paul guy had some interesting ideas, too. (Heard of Paul? He wrote this letter to some Christians in Rome that's just dynamite stuff; really, really good. He wrote some other stuff, too. He was a big Jesus-booster back in the day. Check the New Testament, I think some of his stuff is in there.)
  
  (And, by the way, you don't have to buy Rick Warren's Purpose Driven New Testament, only $18.95 this week at Target. You can pick up a King James Bible for just a buck at the Dollar Tree, and nearly all* of the whole Bible is actually in there! For a buck! Can you believe it! I know, crazy, right?!)
  
  Other than the Bible, read St. Thomas Aquinas, C.S. Lewis, G.K. Chesterton and the indispensable Deitrich Bonhoffer. (Bonhoffer. Wow. Now there is a real purpose driven life. His book The Cost Of Discipleship might not "change your life," but it will humble you.)
  
  But, look, if you just want something with the substance of a Hallmark card, then the Rick Warren / Max Lucado / Five People You Meet In Heaven crap is just fine. Read it. Mist up. Feel good.
  
  (Sidebar rant officially over)



• Bob Parks has a great picture of the ravages of global warming: Snow falling in Las Vegas.



• Speaking of the wackos at the Daily Kos, some of 'em are pleased as punch with the idea of Caroline Kennedy as a Senator. Nothing against the woman, but Caroline Kennedy's primary qualification for political office is that she is currently breathing.
  
  
  Which is not to knock those Kennedys who are no longer breathing ... or any of them who might be fish-breathing at the moment.
  
  Caroline Kennedy is a peachy choice for the US Senate. Right. Barely a month ago these same morons were telling us that Sarah Palin wasn't qualified to be VP.



• Scott liked In Bruges. Good. In Bruges was my pick for the second best film of 2007.



• Roanoke R N'R knows exactly what she doesn't want for Christmas.
  
  Oh, I dunno. I think Christy Lane ROCKS!

  Every single time I hear her singing Shake Me I Rattle I just want to grab her by the shoulders and shake the s**t out of her.
  
  But that's just me.

Labels: Blogs, Links, News, Politics, You Tube

MCF kinda tagged me:

1. Wrapping paper or gift bags?

I'm no good at wrapping gifts, Wendy handles that here. If I try to wrap something I usually end up with tape in my hair, on the ceiling, etc. I don't like gift bags, though. I think they're kinda chinsy.

2. Real tree or Artificial?

I prefer real trees, I like the smell. But we've used an artificial out of convenience for several years.

3. When do you put up the tree?

We put ours up last weekend. We usually put it up in the first week of December of so. My mom and stepdad are nuts, theirs goes up before Thanksgiving.

4. When do you take the tree down?

I always want it down right away after New Year's Day. Sometimes it's later than that coming down due to busy schedules, etc. But I can't stand to still be looking at the tree more than a day or two after New Years.

5. Do you like eggnog?

Love it. I love eggnog and fruitcake.

6. Favorite gift received as a child?

I posted this picture of myself on Christmas Day when I was eight once before:

By the way, in spite of the appearance in that picture, I do have and have always had a left eye.

7. Hardest person to buy for?

My stepson, Liam. He's just not a materialistic person. He rarely wants much of anything and we have to try to come up with stuff off the top of our heads. I remember one year when he was four or so, we asked him what he wanted most of all for Christmas and he said "Soup."

8. Easiest person to buy for?

My stepdaughter, Willow. She wants everything.

9. Do you have a nativity scene?

We do, it's behind me this very second. It's a small one, you could sit the whole thing up on a chair, but it's a Nativity nonetheless.

10. Mail or e-mail Christmas cards?

We haven't done either over the last couple of years. We've been busy. I can remember one Christmas three or four years ago when we spent twenty bucks on postage for Christmas cards. I thought that was excessive.

11. Worst Christmas gift you ever received?

Someone I was once married to always got me something last-minute, half-assed and uninteresting. One year I told her I'd like to have the movie Wag The dog and she instead gave me Primary Colors. Her explanation: "Same thing."

12. Favorite Christmas movie?

Every year I have to watch at least one production of A Christmas Carol (the George C. Scott version is my favorite, I'm a big fan of his). I also always have to see the original, animated 1966 television production of Dr. Seuss' How The Grinch Stole Christmas.

You know, it never occurred to me until just now that they are essentially the same story. They're both stories about miserable old men who find redemption at Christmas time. Hmmmm. What's that say about me?

I love Boris Karloff's narration in ...Grinch. To me, that's one of the distinct sounds of Christmas.

13. When do you start shopping?

Wendy and I try to pick things up year round. We keep our eyes open, look for clearance sales, etc. Wendy is especially good at this.

14. Have you ever recycled a Christmas present?

Yeah. Once or twice.

15. Favorite thing to eat at Christmas?

Homemade Chex mix, eggnogg, fruitcake.

16. Lights on the tree?

Yes. Are there people who don't put lights on their tree?

17. Favorite Christmas song?

I love Christmas but I've never liked Christmas music. Purely for nostalgic reasons, I don't mind hearing this:

18. Travel at Christmas or stay home?

I've never traveled at Christmas and I don't think I ever would. I can see me holing up in my house, REFUSING to travel, and ultimately pissing off members of my family. Christmas traffic? Bah. Humbug.

19. Can you name all of Santa's reindeer?

I thought they already had names. Why do I always get stuck doing someone else's work? Let Santa name his own reindeer.

20. Angel on the tree top or a star?

We haven't used a tree topper in years. We never could find one we liked and at some point someone said "Do we really have to use a tree topper?" The consensus, apparently, was that we don't.

21. Open the presents Christmas Eve or morning?

When I was a small child we always did it on Christmas morning. Then, once my sister and I were both young adults, my family switched to Christmas Eve for a long time. I don't think there was ever a decision to make that switch, it just kinda happened. Now that I have a family and kids of my own we're back to Christmas morning.

22. Most annoying thing about this time of the year?

Like I said before, I don't dig Christmas music. And cloying, manipulative songs like this one especially get under my skin.

23. Favorite ornament theme or color?

We have Marvel Comics, Simpsons and Spongebob ornaments on our tree. I really enjoy those. My favorite ornament that we have, though, is either our Charlie In The Box misfit toy ornament or our Bumble ornament or our smiling Grinch ornament.

The Island of Misfit Toys was always my favorite thing about the Rudolph Christmas special. And I'm sure that says something about me, too. It always bugged me, though, that they all wanted off the island. They all complain about having to live on the island, feeling unloved, unwanted. I always thought "Why don't you guys love each other?" You wouldn't think misfits would feel rejected by other misfits, would you? And then, at the end, Santa gathers them all up and delivers them to children. But they'd all been complaining just before that no kid could love them because they were all misfits. So what kind of cruel joke is that? Stanta takes them off their island, where at least they had each other, and delivers them to kids who can't possibly love them.

Was he trying to teach them a lesson about how they could have been happier on their island if at least they hadn't taken each other for granted?

What's up with that? Is it, like, Santa's vicious attempt at ironic punishment? Is Santa like a Christmas version of John Doe from Se7en? Sick freak.

I mean, think about it. Santa clearly hated misfits. He even wanted Rudolph banished until his nose proved to be useful to Santa's own purposes. Santa just hated anyone who didn't conform to his rigid standards. His name should have been Saddam Claus. Vicious bastard.

No wonder his wife was trying to kill him with fatty foods. "Eat, Papa, eat!"

You know, this quandary probably made an early contribution to my lifelong mistrust of authority.

24. Favorite Christmas memory?

I can't put it into words. There are sounds, smells, etc, that will cause me to remember something that is impossible to voice, but something real. It's just a remembered feeling of the childhood magic of Christmastime.

25. What do you want for Christmas this year?

This.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Personal

You had it coming, America:

It's neat to see that this guy has a good sense of humor about himself and the RickRolling phenomenon.

By the way, I have never been RickRolled. Not as of yet, anyway. But Wendy got RickRolled just the other day and I thought it was hilarious.

Labels: Blogs, Humor, Links, Trivial Matters, You Tube

Hat tip to Jerry at From On High for pointing out that Planned Parenthood now offers gift certificates.

I. Do. Not. Get. It.

Maybe if everyone at the office goes in on a gift certificate, we can surprise Shelia with that abortion she's been wanting?

Does it come with fries?

Labels: Blogs, Links, Trivial Matters

No time to blog today, but I'll remind you that the really good stuff is in my Google Reader. You can pick a headline from the blue box to the left or click here for the latest and greatest.

I will post this, though, really quickly. I always think it's a riot when one of the talking heads at Fox puts some leftist moron on blast. Like this, a few days ago, from Shepherd Smith:

Labels: Blogs, Links, Media, News, Politics, You Tube

MCF's latest round of probing, exhaustive inquiries.

1) Is it good or bad when sitcoms feature celebrity guest stars?

I don't like sitcoms. I tend to feel that the writing, acting and directing in sitcoms is generally bad to awful. So when a movie star makes an appearance on a sitcom, my gut reaction is to wonder that he or she apparently needed a paycheck badly. Or maybe that he or she owed someone a favor.

That's different, though, when celebs show up as guest voices on the Simpsons. The Simpsons is the best thing American TV has ever produced, and well worth the time of anyone with actual talent.

Of course, all of this is just my opinion, and I insist that you brush it off and disregard it. I clearly don't know what I'm talking about and should never be taken seriously.

2) What is the most shocking thing you've seen on the internet?

Some of what comes to mind would include the following:

• Most recently, a blogger who shall remain nameless (except to assert that his name is and has always been Michael Wayvid Whorenelli), posted a link to what turned out to be a series of upsetting photographs of dogs who had been mutilated "in the name of science" by insane Europeans.
  
  As a dog-lover, I had a terrible time looking at those pictures and I'm still suppressing the urge to get revenge by gathering up some scientists, chaining them to a tree and forcing them to "do their business" in the yard.
  
  In the future, I'd like to suggest a new web-speak acronym for these kinds of posts. You know the kinds of acronym's I'm talking about. Stuff like NSFW (Not safe for work) or OMG (Oh, my God!) or ZMOG (Zebra meat on grill!) Posts involving links to mutilated dog pictures should include something like
  
  

  
  WBC
  TLYMU
  SPOAAMD
  AMFTUTTE
  TYHTSTROTER
  AITFWYODUYFBA
  WYUSBOTCASIOMWW
  STBKATHHOLFOMBSDPP*.
  
  *TWLEOTFAHAIPFLOT"A"

  
  
  Obviously, that would stand for "Warning, by clicking this link you might unintentionally see pictures of abused and mutilated dogs and might find that unbearable to the extent that you have to spend the rest of the evening rolling around in the floor with your own dogs until you feel better about what you've unwittingly seen because of the crass and shocking indifference of Michael Wayved Whorenelli, soon to be known as the Hugh Heffner or Larry Flint of mutilated-by-scientists dog-pictures pornography.*
  
  *Though with less emphasis on the first amendment. He's apparently involved purely for love of the 'art.'"




• One of the first "dark side of the internet" sites I ever heard about was the infamous Rotten.com. I remember spending half an hour or so looking at that site for the first time. You have to be very careful about what you click there. Maybe you'll see something relatively harmless or silly ... or maybe you'll see something altogether different that will make you want to jump up, run outside and scream for the neighbor to come close your browser window for you so that you'll never risk seeing it again.


• The hanging of Saddam Hussein was a bit of a net sensation. It bothered me and I wrote about it.



• I understand that there is also a video out there called "two girls one cup." I haven't seen it, but I have had the video's action described for me by an enthusiastic young man who seemed to have (barely) more teeth than braincells. About fifteen seconds into his vivid description I had to request that oxygen and an epidural be administered if I were going to have to hear any more. Since nothing of the sort could be provided, I opted to walk away, even though doing so meant going back to the work I was supposed to be doing at the time.

3) Is it possible to have too much free time?

If you've read anything ... ANYTHING ... at this blog, you know that the answer is yes.

4) Inspired by a recent Dwight Shrute monologue, I ask you: what's your perfect crime?

Inspired by Guns N' Roses, I'll answer you thus:

"You wanna f--- with me? Don't f--- with me.
I'm what you'll be, so don't f--- with me."

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What (animated) fictional town offers a whirlwind existence, race cars, lasers, airplanes, mystery-solving, time travel, and more?

Well, it's not fictional, but it is "animated." You've just offered a perfect description of Iron Gate, Virginia.

Labels: Blogs, Humor, Links, Trivial Matters, You Tube

• Just a reminder that I really do believe that, nowadays, the best reason to visit this blog is to see the awesome stuff I share from my Google Reader. The box o' links is at the top of the column to the left.



• Keith Roy Weatherley was sitting in his car when the police tried to arrest him.
  
  He was pleasuring himself with a jar of spaghetti sauce.
  
  It took four officers to remove him from his car. While wrestling with those officers, Weatherley continued trying to pleasure himself.
  
  Afterwards, when the police searched his car, they found pornography, a home-made sex aid, women's stockings and a Jack Russell terrier.
  
  I DID NOT make any of that up.
  
  You know, I think that the best thing about having a physical relationship with spaghetti sauce is that you can't get it PREGO! HA!
  
  I also want to say that it's high time these simple, small-minded Republican bigots stop preventing marriages between people and pasta toppings.



• Yep, that's about it:

  

  HT: The Ol' Broad.




• It's turkey! It's food! Darn near all of you will be eating turkey next week, and that turkey will have been slaughtered in the exact same way! Get over it, geeeez, ya friggin' crybabies!



• The movie I now officially want to see more than any other movie is Darren Aronofsky's Mickey Rourke vehicle, The Wrestler:




• Hey, whattaya know! George Dubya ChimpHitler somehow managed during his administration to end global warming! Now, I know that it would just be FAAAAR too much to ask for you leftists to give him credit for his amazing feat, but can you at least quell the alarmist crap for now?
  
  HT: Instapundit.



• My non-blogging friend The Governor brought my attention to the following:
  

  Rep. Ellen Tauscher (D-Calif,), who chairs the House Armed Services Committee strategic forces subcommittee, with oversight of missile defense programs, said missile defense programs will receive hard and long scrutiny next year.
  
  No rogue nations have been dissuaded by formation of the U.S. missile defense shield from continuing to develop long-range missiles and nuclear weapons, she commented.
  
  "The truth is, is that it hasn't caused anybody to stop doing what they're doing," she said. "And if it hasn't done that, then holy moly, what's the point" of developing missile defenses?"

  
  Rogue nations are still developing long range missiles and nuclear weapons ... therefore, US missile defense programs are useless. Yep, makes PERFECT F&%$%NG SENSE to me.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Media, Movies, News, Obama Watch, Politics

Gotta wonder if this guy's license plate number is D-FENS:

Go to Geekologie for additional cell-phone video.

Labels: Blogs, Links, You Tube

You might notice that I've made a few format changes to my blog. I hope it's cleaner and simpler now.

Most of what I'm doing simply involves integrating Google Reader, which is an awesome resource. The fonts in the main posts are a little larger and the line spacing is a bit more dramatic, too. Overall, I hope the blog looks more streamlined, less cluttered, and easier to read.

My sidebar is now on the left, and you'll notice that I've added a widget that lists my recent reads. When I read something at another blog that I particularly want to point out, it'll pop up in that list.

My blogroll is now much smaller, too. I've trimmed a few blogs that don't publish regularly anymore. I've also gotten rid of some of the links to blogs that seemed superfluous. (Does Little Green Footballs, for instance, or Hot Air really rely on me to generate traffic? I don't imagine so.) It's possible, though, that I forgot to apply the proper Google Reader tag to your blog. So if you know I've always linked to you and for some reason you're not in my blogroll now, please let me know in the comments.

If the changes aren't showing up, try refreshing your browser. And please leave me a comment to tell me what you think.

Labels: Blogs, Links

• A month or so ago (I think?) Rhodester suggested I check out Google Reader, a very handy tool for coordinating, organizing and reading blogs. I filed the advice away in the back of my mind, but I never bothered to really set it up for myself until last night. (I'm never the first to check out something new.)
  
  Well, I've ended up really grateful that Dave suggested Google Reader. I have 40 or 50 blogs that I try to check once a day, and Google Reader makes checking them much easier, much quicker and maybe more fun. So take Dave's advice, I'm glad I finally did. Google Reader is awesome.
  
  If you want to see how Google Reader looks, you can check this out: One option once you set up your reader account is to share things that catch your eye with ... well, with whomever. My shared page is right here.



• A couple of people have told me that they're surprised that I'm in relatively good spirits, considering how things went Tuesday. And here's the truth of it: Tuesday night wasn't a loss for me.
  
  Tuesday night was not a loss for conservatives.
  
  Tuesday night was a loss for liberal Republicans. Why should I give two s#!ts about liberal Republicans? Why should I care that they lost elections? They don't represent my views. Screw 'em.
  
  Richard Viguerie sums it up to my satisfaction:
  

  "Conservatism did not lose – big government Republicanism lost..."

  
  Let's hope that the GOP is paying attention now and that Tuesday's drubbing will yank their asses back into gear. Give us conservative choices and conservatives will put them in office.



• I can't get over this silly crap:

  

  The OFFICE of the PRESIDENT-ELECT??
  
  Have you ever heard any elected candidate refer to himself as the "President Elect?" It's just killing him to have to wait until mid-January to be sworn in, isn't it?
  
  This goes beyond affectation or pretension. This is just silly. This is just childish.
  
  Oh, and what did he do while standing there at his snazzy, all-official-looking new "President-Elect" podium? He mocked a sickly, 87 year old widow.
  
  You stay classy, now, Mr. Big Shot.




• DJ Drummond at WizBang shoots holes in the talk about Obama's election being historic:
  

  "...let's start with the notion that a black man winning election makes that election 'historic'. Really now, by that logic we have had a lot of 'historic' elections. George Washington was the first president, John Adams the first president not named Washington, various presidents were the first to be elected of their party, Thomas Jefferson was the first president to be elected in a contest decided by the House of Representatives, Martin Van Buren was the first natural-born American to be elected president, John Quincy Adams was the first president elected in an election where citizens voted for their states' electors, James Buchanan was the first and so far only bachelor to be elected president, John Kennedy was the first Catholic president, and so on and so on...
  
  What is strange about Obama's focus on being the first black president, is that he started his campaign claiming to be beyond that."

  
  I see where he's going with that. I won't say that I agree with him, not completely, but I concede the point that simply being an "historic" President isn't good enough.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Media, News, Obama Watch, Politics

By the way, according to at least one source, I was worthy to cast my vote today:

---

---

You're darn tootin', Skippy.

Labels: Blogs, Links, News, Politics

MCF's latest round of questions:

1) Do you like Halloween? Why or why not?

Yeah, I love it. I just always have. I do enjoy horror movies, ghost stories, etc ... but probably no more than many other people do. So I like Halloween because the Discovery Channel, the Travel Channel, et al, do all those specials with names like The Fifty Scariest Places In South-West Detroit. I eat that stuff up. That's what Tivo was made for.

2) What is your favorite sound effect?

The Wilhelm Scream is a fun one, if only for trivia purposes. But I have to admit that I'm not that good at spotting it when it comes up in movies.

On a more personal note ... every year, about this time of year, I edit our year's worth of home movies down to one half-hour or so of highlights. Then I put it on DVD with all the amenities: Opening credits, sound effects, background music, etc. We send the finished product out with our Christmas cards.

I've learned from all this editing and producing that you can't go wrong by adding Yakety Sax to the soundtrack of just about anything. Here's a demonstration, a video that prominently features one of our dogs. I uploaded this to YouTube almost two years ago:

Yakety Sax is my go-to music for just about any video footage. If you speed up a bit of video and add that song to the mix, you usually end up with comedy gold.

I thought about this for a while a little earlier, and I asked myself, is there any video footage that isn't improved by adding Yakety Sax to the background? I decided to do a little experiment:

The jury is still out on the results. Nonetheless, for my money, Yakety Sax almost always brings the funny.

3) How do you feel when studios recast roles to different actors in sequels to popular films?

It depends on the reason. If an actor holds out for more money and the studio says "Screw you, pal," I usually side with the studio. No actor is irreplaceable.

Having said that, there are instances where a given studio has gone with a more "bankable" star, and with disastrous results. I'm thinking about the first Batman movie franchise.

And as a Batman fanboy, I'm so happy with Christian Bale in the current films that I'd hate to see him replaced.

But no actor should own any given role purely as a matter of principle.

4) Fire or Ice?

Neither.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: Who is Zsaji?

Uh ... ZsaZsa after a few too many?

Labels: Blogs, Links, Personal, Trivial Matters, You Tube

I wrote the other day that I wasn't gonna take time to blog for a while. But today I saw that Zo Rachel has a new video posted. And I watched it, and as usual, it's brilliant, insightful and funny. Zo kicks all the ass, man. So I wanted to log on and post it, and here it is:

Zo is hugely quotable: "Obama and the Democrat party are the ones who stand above you holding up the heads of the rich, as you work yourselves into a frenzy, so they can toss it to you. Now, I'm just wondering, how does this make your life better as you destroy the ones who could give you jobs?"

Zo also does a great job in this one of blasting the whole argument about how "Obama is a community organizer, just like Jesus!"

And he talks a little bit here about the attacks he gets for being a black man and a conservative. And his observations are so good and so smart, and he presents them so well, that he left me wanting to pump my fist and yell "Yeah!" ... and I'm not even a black guy.

The point is, Zo is an awesome communicator. Not just a "good speaker," but a communicator. There's a difference. A "good speaker" can talk for a long time and sound really cool, but never really say anything. (As in "Hope, change, hope, change.")

A great communicator can say incredibly important things in very few words ... and say them clearly, directly, concisely and creatively ... and say them in a way you instantly understand and relate to and will remember. (As in "Mr. Gorbachev, tear down this wall.")

Obama is a "speaker." Zo is a communicator.

You guys enjoy him on YouTube while he's there, because he's headed for a much bigger future than this.

But, anyway, I got to thinking about the race issue as Zo addressed it. One of the good things about the Obama candidacy is that it's interjected the subject of race into the national conversation ... as it relates to ideology and politics.

It seems to me that number of people who "aren't supposed to be conservative" have been speaking out lately, "outing" themselves as conservatives. A great many people who are minorities and/or women are refusing to pack themselves onto the bus with Obama and Hillary (remember Hillary?), where the Democrats seem to think they belong.

The Democratic party has claimed to hold the monopoly on "diversity" for a long time. But it's always been obvious that Democratic "diversity" is a very stifling kind of "diversity." After all, liberals and Democrats don't believe in ideological diversity. You must agree with them on every topic ... abortion, taxes, the environment, civil rights, the war, etc ... or you're out in the cold.

Meanwhile, among conservatives, there's plenty of room for both ideological AND cultural diversity. Plenty of conservatives disagree on any of the topics listed above, and on other topics. My opposition to the death penalty, for instance, doesn't make me a "fake conservative." And my fellow conservatives never tell me that I don't really understand that issue, or that I'm a "sell-out," or that I'm deluded.

Differ from the Democratic party on any issue and you'll find out quickly how little tolerance they have for ideological diversity:

• Have doubts about the specifics of climate change? Then you're a "global warming denier," kinda like a "holocaust denier."


• Have concerns that abortion on demand might be irresponsible at best, or maybe murder at worst? Then you're some kind of monster who wants to oppress women.


• Oppose the Obama campaign? You RACIST!


• Support the troop surge and the successful result's it's generated? WARMONGER! NEOCON!


• Insist that immigration be a legal process? You're a racist and you're ignorant.

And as Zo has pointed out, if you're a black man and you hold any of these opinions, you can expect to be labeled an "uncle tom," too.

So if you're going to be a liberal Democrat, good luck. You better get a copy of the approved liberal positions and adopt each and every one of them. There's no room for individual thought. Thinking for yourself, after all, is divisive. Shut up. Be happy. Vote Obama.

Meanwhile, the real diversity can be found under the great conservative umbrella. The ideological diversity has always been here. And more and more, the real cultural and constructive diversity is obviously here, too.

Conservatism: It's what America looks like, it's what America thinks like. It's the foundation that keeps America great. Great enough to withstand anything, even the coming four years of Obama socialism.

Here's a snapshot of what Conservatism looks like in America in 2008. Click the pictures below and get to know some of our very best (especially that dude on the bottom, pimpin' out with the fuzzy pink hat.):

Labels: Blogs, Links, Media, News, Politics, You Tube, Zo

The latest edition of The Carnival of Cinema is up at Good News Film Reviews. Plenty of good reading, as always.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Movies

A certain lovely and talented (and long-suffering, ha ha!) wife of one of my favorite bloggers (and a darn fine blogger in her own right) is celebrating one of the big birthdays today. Be sure and visit Coffee Sister and wish her the best.

Labels: Blogs

I posted some videos yesterday by Alfonzo Rachel, a fairly new voice in the conservative blog/vlogosphere.

Man, this guys is friggin' awesome. He really is. His arguments are so strong and his perspective is so fresh that I kept hitting the pause button while watching his vids, thinking "I need to be writing this down. I need to remember this. These are SOLID arguments."

I added Zo's YouTube channel and his blog at Bob Parks: Black & Right to my blogroll. This guy's stuff is gonna be a regular check for me.

And I'll probably keep embedding his videos as soon as he turns them out ... because his vids kick all the ass. This one is a little older, and it's pretty long, and it's well worth watching:

Black & White on the Grey Matters 2 (War)

His comments about the whole "no war for oil" moonbattery vis a vis invading Mexico or Canada are just. completely. awesome.

This is Zo's first video:

Black & White On the Grey Matters

Labels: Blogs, Politics, You Tube, Zo

It turns out that MCF was right. Every song really is better with more cowbell:

(MoreCowbell.dj is easily the greatest invention of the past five thousand years.)

And B13 is right, too. Virtually vandalizing walls is fun:

And if you thought I'd figure out a way to work Metallica references into both of those items ... well, damned if you weren't right, too.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Metallica, Trivial Matters

First of all, no, I'm not one of those guilt-ridden, pasty white liberals who stares into his navel, contemplating racism.

So there's that.

Having said that, I want to say that Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste is crappy, racist toothpaste.

I learned about this product from one of the blogs I read, The Impulsive Buy. You'll find it in my blogroll.

The pictures to the right are actual pictures of Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste, and I think that the very appearance of the product is probably enough to get most people to agree with me that it's crappy toothpaste. Crappy looking, anyway.

I don't think I'd have the courage to put this product in my mouth.

But it's the product's marketing campaign that reveals it to be racist.

Watch this insensitive, ugly television commercial for Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste:

What, exactly, is the message of that commercial? All I can get out of it is "Black men scare children and their mothers. Black men will take your balloon. When black men roll over and go to sleep they look like giant turds on top of toothbrushes. Buy our product!"

On the upside, I guess, the commercial does seem to imply that black men are super awesome climbers.

I'm offended by that commercial on behalf of the black men I know, none of whom have ever taken my balloon or scared my children. And they look like angels when they sleep, not like giant toothbrush turds at all.

Not that I sneak around peeking into windows watching black men sleep, and not that I plan to do it again next Tuesday night.

So I think we have to boycott Twin Lotus Herbal Toothpaste. As of now I pledge to only use white toothpaste.

Wait a minute ... let me think this through.

Labels: Blogs, Humor, Links

(Note: I promise, the brief political bit here is played entirely for laughs. I'm laying off politics for a while in a desperate, flagrant, obvious attempt to get my four-or-so readers back.)

David Blaine is probably the world's greatest magician. Well, maybe he's really more an alchemist than a magician. He's figured out a way to turn nothing interesting at all into money, power and fame. And that's real magic.

In 2005, Forbes called Blaine the the 98th most powerful celebrity in the world. That's not quite as powerful as that Malcolm in the Middle kid, but clearly more powerful than Amanda Bynes.

David's most recent spectacle involved hanging upside down for a long time and then pretending to drop. Apparently, most people who saw the trick responded with boos/yawns. Something must have went wrong, and David Blaine says that it's all Dubya's fault. The emphasis below is mine.

Magician David Blaine pulled a string of excuses out of his sleeve to explain why his latest high-profile stunt went wrong - even blaming President Bush's Wednesday night prime-time speech.

A day after finishing his latest "trick" - hanging upside down over Central Park for 60 hours before taking a "Dive of Death" from a 44-foot-high platform, a TMZ.com cameraman asked Blaine why the stunt went awry...

"...because of the president's speech, my show was delayed 15 minutes and all of the wind picked up," he said.

The (hanging like a) bat thing lost some luster when Blaine started taking breaks every hour to stand on his own two feet.

Shortly after 11 p.m., Blaine nodded and smiled to hundreds of fans watching the stunt as they screamed, "Jump! Jump!" and, "Do it!"

The screams for Blaine to "Jump! Do it!" might not have been related to the trick.

I've really got to say, this is the last straw with Dubya, as far as I'm concerned.

First he stole the 2000 election, probably by dropping in on a wire like Tom Cruise in Mission Impossible ...

... then he started a fictitionous war in the desert paradise of Iraq by telling a bunch of vicious lies ...

... then he borrowed the Sorcerer's hat and conjured up Hurricane Katrina ...

... and I've always suspected that Dubya kidnapped the Lindburgh baby.

But now he's gone too far. Ordering his cabal of fascist Neocon cronies to sabotage David Blaine is just beyond the pale. Dubya MUST be impeached. Impeached, severely scolded, hosed down with cold water and beaten with a rake.

Of course, Dubya is far too stupid to have pulled it off by himself. This smells like Dick. Dick Cheney, of course, must be responsible.

Blaine's magic is amazing. I'm not even sure how to describe some of his acomplishments. But I'll try.

David Blaine has:

• Laid in a box for a long time.


• Stood on top of a pole for a long time.


• Sat inside of a box without eating. As Chris Rock said, "That's not magic. That's life in the projects."


• Stood inside of a container of water and breathed through a tube for a long time.

Future stunts he's considering include

• Not changing his underwear for six days.


• Sitting on a couch and watching all 48 Hours of Nick-At-Night's Car 54 Where Are You? Marathon, sustained by nothing but root beer and Fritos. (I've tried this and it's very hard to do. Without dozing off.)


• Sitting in his car, in his driveway, and listening to all 100 songs of WXLZ 104 FM'S "100 Greatest Rock Songs Of The 70's". And get this ... he's considering singing along with Stairway To Heaven. So don't miss the final ten minutes.


• Playing Halo 2 nonstop for six hours without a bathroom break.


• Watching all 172 minutes of Beloved* without once rolling his eyes. Not even during the scene where Oprah pees in the backyard.

Personally, I can't wait. If anyone is capable of actually doing all of this nothing and getting paid for it, it's gotta be Blaine.

---

*Totally unrelated, extremely obscure sidenote about Beloved... next time you go to the fridge and find nothing to pour on your cereal, the best way to react is to put on a huge frowny-face and say, in your mopiest voice, "They took my milk. Them boys, they took my milk."

HT to Rey, although he might prefer to be unacknowledged, for getting me thinking about the ridiculousness of Beloved. I hope I've tied the topic into this post in a spurious and confusing way, as is befitting that particular movie.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, Humor, Links, Movies, News

MCF is quizzin' us again:

1) What do you think will be the most popular Halloween costumes this year?

I'd imagine that there'll be tons of Joker costumes and Harvey Dent constumes out there this year.

With two new polarizing, high-profile politicians on the national scene, I'd bet that there'll be lots of people dressed as them. The Obama masks I've seen on the net look awful; that one I linked to looks more like OJ than Obama. And even though I didn't see any commercial costumes based on Sarah Palin's distinctive look when I searched the net just now, I'd expect to see a ton of homemade Palin costumes.

The fake Sasquatch news story from this August might cause an increase in the number of bigfoot costumes out there this year.

Personally, though, I don't think that any of these costumes can top the princess/wrestler look.

2) Do you recall the first time you received an e-mail, and what it was?

I don't even recall the first e-mail I read today.

3) What would be your ideal life after retirement?

I don't expect to ever retire. I just hope that my death occurs at home or in a medical environment and not at work.

But if I did retire, I'd like to spend my free days sitting on the porch, sipping a cold one and yelling at the damn kids to keep off my lawn.

4) Who are your three favorite recurring commercial characters?

I'd have a hard time picking three "favorites," I'm largely indifferent to TV advertising. But...

Joe Isuzu is probably the greatest ever.

The Burger King makes me laugh and creeps me out that the same time.

The odd series of 7-Up commercials featuring Orlando Jones was fairly funny.

And the "I'm a mac, I'm a PC" commercials are pretty good, especially the ones that make fun of the nightmarish hell that is Vista:

I've always knocked Macs in the past, like many PC devotees might do. But ever since the beginning of Vista's dark reign I've kinda wished I was a Mac guy.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: Who made Blake black and why?

I'd guess that Blade is black simply because the character's creators envisioned him that way.

You misspelled Blade, by the way, but it looks like a simple typo. Just never let it happen again.

Labels: Blogs, Links, You Tube

Scott tagged me:

1. Which actor do you think hasn't gotten the attention he/she deserves?

I'll give you three for the price of one:

David Morse has been very good in everything I've seen him in.

Andre Braugher was so good on Homicide: Life On The Street that I was convinced that he'd be a huge movie star. How'd THAT not happen?

Marianne Jean-Baptiste is an amazing actress.

2. What is your favorite movie line?

Oh, man. So many. Not necessarily lines I agree with, but instances where dialogue stuck out in a major way. Here are a few that pop into my head just now ... and how I remember reacting:

"They're animals anyway, so let them lose their souls." -- That line hit me like a kick in the gut. I'll never forget the coldness with which Louis Guss delevered it.

"Mr. Treehorn treats objects like women, man." -- I laughed and laughed and laughed. So many great lines in this movie, but this one stays with me.

"That'll do, pig. That'll do." -- Every time I see this movie I tell myself I won't cry when this last line is delivered. I've never pulled it off once.

"Who's the fellow owns this shithole?" -- With that one line the emotional tide of my all time favorite movie changed dramatically. I could write pages and pages and pages about the importance of that line alone, the choice to use profanity, the clinical, even delivery, the resonance .... man, what a line.

"You hear me talking, hillbilly boy? I ain't through with you by a damn sight. I'm gonna get medieval on your ass." -- What can I say. Great line.

"Your mother's in here, Karras. Would you like to leave a message? I'll see that she gets it." -- I just got a chill even THINKING about that line.

3. What is the absolute worst movies you've ever seen?

I won't bother linking to them. Why provide them any publicity? The first three that come to mind are:

The Village, with which M. Night Shyamalan first used his considerable powers for evil in an expression of contempt for this fans.

The Contender, which isn't a movie. It's a screed.

Dead Poet's Society, a movie that sends the totally wrong message about what a teacher is supposed to do. Just teach, teachers. You're familiar with the concept of teaching, right? Get down off your desk and teach. Dummy.

4. Is there a movie you hated when you first saw it and then later had to admit you were wrong?

I was actually angry after I saw 28 Days Later because the marketing promised that the movie would scare me into therapy. It didn't scare me at all and I felt ripped off.

Afterwards, upon a second viewing, I came to the conclusion that it's actually a pretty darn good b-movie.

5. What is your biggest guilty pleasure movie - the one you're ashamed you enjoy?

Three come to mind:

Titanic. I saw it in the theater seven times. Sue me.

Wyatt Earp. Hey, I think it's a good movie, but nobody else does, so I keep my mouth shut about it.

Borat. It might be the most vulgar 90 (or so) minutes ever committed to film without the word "Mondo" in the title. But it made me laugh so hard, and for so long.

If you're reading this, consider yourself tagged. Scott asked that we specifically tag three people, and Unseen, MCF and Lorna came to mind.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Movies

I think I should apologize to the handful of people who do the the honor of checking this blog out fairly frequently. I know that you guys mostly stop by for my "Dave Barry Wannabe" stuff, like when I write about my dogs or tell old drinking stories or embed good stuff from YouTube.

But you had to know from the very name of the blog that I'm a politics addict. Politics is to me what sports is to normal guys. And an election year, especially the last couple of months of an election year, is Superbowl time. Right now I'm having a blast.

Some of the folks who stop by here are in the same boat as me. Like Cube and Unseen and Paul. They're conservative political junkies, too, and I know they can relate.

But most of the folks who're kind enough to read some of my junk and leave comments are looking forward to me getting back to adolescent jokes. I promise, mid November is coming. The anti-Obama bumpersticker (and link) in my header will be gone shortly after the election and I'll get back to writing about Metallica and movies and such. You know, doing what I do best: the blog equivalent of funny armpit noises.

I think that part of the reason I'm having so much fun with politics this year is that I don't have a dog in this fight. I'm a conservative and there isn't a conservative running this year. (Hell, the last time there was a conservative running was in '96 ... but that's a whole nuther.) No matter who wins, I'll be stuck trying to make the best of a crappy (or crappier) choice ... so it's nothing personal.

I have developed some affection for Sarah Palin ... and that could translate into political loyalty if she walks the line. But right now I'm just not that vested, personally.

Anyway, once this thing is wrapped up and either the unsatisfactory candidate or the utterly inept candidate get in there, I'll get back to my usual mundane irresponsibility. I promise.

Meanwhile:

• I've been trying to get up to date about the situation in the Caucasus. The more I read, the more I wish I hadn't read anything. This is some scary shit, man. And Georgia is just the tip of the iceberg. This is from the current issue of the only news source I trust, the National Review. The emphasis is mine:
  

  As with Georgia, Putin did everything he could to derail Ukraine’s democratic revolution: Ukrainian president Viktor Yushchenko Suffered dioxin poisoning, possibly at the hands of Russian agents. The agreement that the Russian fleet may use the Black Sea port of Sevastopol runs out in 2017, and senior Russian officers have already declared that this is an interest they will never give up.
  
  In a dramatic display of solidarity—and alarm—Yushchenko, President Lech Kaczynski of Poland, and the three Baltic presidents flew to Tbilisi for a joint press conference. Determined to defend their independence, Ukraine seeks NATO membership while Poland has hastily concluded an agreement to have an American missile-defense system on its soil. Russian spokesmen threaten both countries with nuclear strikes. Marxist ideology may be missing, but the intimidation hews to the familiar Soviet style.




• I spent some time thinking about all of that tonight and pondering the next few years. Given Iraq, Afghanistan, the Caucasus, etc ... I asked myself if there was really anyone I trusted to lead the US over the next few years. Only one name came to mind: Thomas Sowell. You may be aware that my opinion of Thomas Sowell is damn near worshipful.
  
  So I reminded myself to google the phrase "draft Thomas Sowell" when I got home and see if there were many other like minded people out there. I was a little surprised to see that there isn't that much of a "draft Sowell" movement on the net. I did discover one like-minded blogger (I see another addition to the blogroll coming up) and I found some "draft Sowell" comments here and there, but there really isn't much noise being made about the idea of a Sowell presidency. Pity. The guy is a genius. And he's not a politician.
  
  Of course he'd never run, but it would be cool if there were a draft Sowell source out there for his fans to use for social networking. Or whatever.



• Oh, yeah, speaking of Russia and Georgia, this bit from an item in the National Review put a smile on my face:

  Vesti FM, an outlet of Russian state radio, has been broadcasting that Vice President Cheney set these events (in Georgia) in motion in order to prevent the election of Senator Obama.

  I had to chuckle. Pity the poor neocons, I thought. They're so crippled by democracy that they have to arrange an international crisis in order to influence an election. It's bound to be simpler to do it the Putin way and simply rig the thing from the get-go.



• A great many of the blogs I read are upset about Obama's pig in lipstick remark. My take: we're wasting our time with this. If anyone ever asks Obama about it he'll simply say that he was being colloquial and that he'd never stoop to calling Governor Palin a pig. It's beneath him, he'll assert, and the right-wing blogs who called him on it are just being paranoid. He'll come out smelling like a rose and make the right-wingers look childish.
  
  He didn't make the phrase up, after all. Google it.
  
  We've got to pick our fights better than this, people. You can't win a bullshit contest against the world's champion bullshitter.
  
  Besides, he probably really didn't intend it as a veiled reference to Governor Palin. Could this the kind of hysterical over-reaction that we've come to expect from the left-wingers? We're better than that. Right?



• I tried to leave a comment to that effect at Newsbusters, a conservative blog dedicated to following the leftist media. But first I had to register and then I had to log in and change my password, and the log-in page wouldn't load and yadda yadda yadda.
  
  It reminds me of Little Green Footballs, a conservative blog that I absolutely love ... but that requires a vetting process for potential commenters that's probably tougher than the screening process to join The Avengers. It just ain't worth it.
  
  Come on, people! It's just the internet! When did we start taking ourselves so damn seriously? 90% of the people using this particular medium are just looking for porn and MP3s. None of us are crafting Plato's Republic, here.



• One of the reasons I love LGF, by the way, is that Charles occasionally turns up tidbits I might have missed from some of my favorite writers. Like this one from P.J. O'Rourke:

  Ann Coulter to me is someone who says things that I say all the time, but I say them at three in the morning when I’m drunk as a monkey. She says them at three in the afternoon stone sober in bright daylight.

  That's just awesome. P.J. Rules.
  
  By the way, Fox News doesn't do itself any favors by allowing Coulter on in prime time. That woman is the right-wing version of Keith Olbermann. Can't we all do a little better than that?

Labels: Blogs, Media, News, Obama Watch, Politics

Stuff I read, stuff I thought:

• "Fact" checking...
  
  You've no doubt seen the Chuck Norris Facts website and it's Chuckarific pronouncements such as
  
  
  • Chuck Norris doesn't sleep. He waits.
  
  
  • Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.
  
  
  • Chuck Norris does not love Raymond.
  
  
  • The principle export of Chuck Norris is pain.
  
  
  Well, two similar websites have sprung up just in time for this November's election.
  
  From Sarah Palin Facts:
  
  
  • Sarah Palin is the reason compasses point North.
  
  
  • In 2003, the US considered deploying Sarah Palin to Iraq as a 1-woman commando squad, but wanted to make it a fair fight.
  
  
  • As head of Alaska’s Nat’l Guard, Sarah Palin taught troops in a training exercise to scare a grenade into not exploding.
  
  
  And the following is from Best Obama Facts:
  
  
  • When Obama rids the world of nuclear weapons, the red button in his office will control the thermostats in American homes.
  
  
  • Every now and then, Obama opens his eyes and the world springs into existence.
  
  
  • "Obama" is the very first word in the English language to be a verb, adjective, noun, pronoun, adverb, interjection, superlative and pronad. (Pronad is a new category made specifically for the word "Obama" so its power can be fully realized).
  
  
  
• From the baby seat...
  

  

  HT: Ol' Broad





• The left: "Sarah Palin is a bad, bad, mean, bad person!!!!"
  
  
  So do you think that the leftists (on the net and in the Lamestream Media) know just how silly they look with the pitiful, comical list of complaints they have against Sarah Palin?
  
  Let's see ... so far we've been told that Palin is unfit to be VP because
  
  
  • "This one time, back in Wassila, she tried to fire a librarian!
  
  
  
  • "She's a member of a church with some odd beliefs! And everyone knows that nobody who ever attended a church with odd beliefs is fit to be Vice President. That person can be President, sure ... but not VICE President!"
  
  
  
  • "Her hairstyle isn't trendy enough! Anyone who doesn't sport a $400 haircut is clearly out of touch!! I mean, her whole family knows nothing about hair care!"
  
  
  
  • "She's racist, sexist, vindictive ... she's just a big meanie and people in Alaska are afraid of her!"
  
  
  
  • "She killed Bambi's big brother!!"
  
  
  The left has made up lies, they've demeaned her as a mother, they've attacked her family ... and it's all backfired.
  
  If they weren't repugnant, I'd kinda feel sorry for the leftist scum.



• Barack HUSsein Obama
  
  I don't mind that Us Weekly is an Obama fanzine. I just wish they'd admit it and cop to their bias so there won't be any reason for anyone to expect objectivity:

  

  HT: The American Papist.




• The John McCain Deathwatch...
  
  No link here, but you've seen or heard the hand-wringing, I'm sure. "What if McCain dies? He's OOOOLLLD! What if he dies in office? Then this inexperienced woman will be president! She has NO FOREIGN POLICY EXPERIENCE! She's a heartbeat away from the Oval Office!"
  
  This from the people who want us to put an inexperienced man directly into the Oval Office.
  
  Just a couple of observations:
  
  One: in '96 everyone told us that Bob Dole was too old to be President, that he could drop dead at any moment. In a perfect world, right now Bob Dole would be enjoying his fourth year of retirement after finishing his second term as PotUS.
  
  Two: Sarah Palin is the Governor of Alaska. Of course she has no foreign policy experience. No Governor has foreign policy experience. George W. Bush, who was the governor of Texas, had no foreign policy experience when he became PotUS. Bill Clinton, who was the governor of Arkansas, had no foreign policy experience when he became PotUS. Ronald Reagan, who was the governor of California, had no foreign policy experience when he became PotUS. Jimmy Carter, who was the governor of Georgia, had no foreign policy experience when he became PotUS.
  
  Governors don't have foreign policy experience. And we've put scads of them in the White House.
  
  So, note to the Palin haters: You're stupid. Shut up.



• Woodward: Bush failed to lead.
  
  Bob Woodward's new book accuses Dubya of failing to lead in his second term:

  At 487 pages, "The War Within" is the fourth installment in Woodward’s series of books on the president. Its release is embargoed until Monday...
  
  "President Bush has rarely leveled with the public to explain what he was doing and what should be expected," wrote Woodward, an assistant managing editor at the Washington Post, in "War Within." "He did not seek sacrifice from most of the country when he had the chance. He did not even mobilize his own party...

  After the GOP convention in 2004 I was excited about the prospect of a second Dubya term. I thought that he'd explained the rationale for not leaving Iraq very well. I bought into the "ownership society" stuff, I loved the idea of having some privatization of Social Security, I was totally on board.
  
  The surge in Iraq worked, no doubt ... but it just illustrates how badly the Bush administration mismanaged the war initially. The ownership society stuff? Total bluster. I feel like a fool for having bought it. And Bush just dropped the ball on Social Security accounts. He encountered a little resistance and folded up like an accordion.
  
  Woodward is right. Bush failed to lead. I've been disgusted with him for a while, and I've lately said so. I'm grateful to Dubya for Justices Roberts and Alito, and I'm glad we live in a Saddam-free world now... but, overall, Dubya's second term was an abysmal disappointment.
  
  But that doesn't mean I'm ready to turn the reigns over to a total zero.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Media, News, Politics

It's time for MCFAT XX:

1) Are you offended when a film or television show lampoons something close to you, be it nationality, faith, gender, etc.? If so, how do you respond?

I don't like it when southerners are portrayed as universally inbred, stupid, closed-minded, racist, etc. Bet you didn't see that coming.

I'm reminded, though, of Chris Rock's explanation of why it's OK for black people to use the N-word but it isn't cool for whites to use that word. He explained it this way: It's OK for me to get frustrated with my kids and call them "dumb kids," but it's not OK for you to call my kids dumb. I can say it and know that there's a love there that conditions and qualifies what I've said. But when someone else says it, that love isn't a given.

So with that in mind, I don't mind it when the awesome Richmond, Virginia metal band Lamb of God puts rednecks on notice with a song called ... well, Redneck (language warning). But when movies, TV shows, etc, present a biased, uneven and heavy-handed view of southerners, it tends to get on my war nerve.

And, for the record, I call myself a redneck all the time in self-deferential jest. And I don't mind when my friends call me a redneck. I know they're doing it in fun and without malice.

And, besides, I am a redneck.

(See? It's a real inner-conflict kind of thing.)

2) If you were granted with superhuman intelligence and or abilities that had the unfortunate side effect of ending your life in a few days, how would you spend your final hours?

Geez, I don't know. I guess I'd try to find Osama? Or see how many tacos I could eat. Or both. (See? Redneck to the bone.)

3) If someone you knew repeatedly demonstrated poor hygiene, would you ever broach the subject and tell the person?

What are you trying to say? What do you mean "poor hygiene?" What do you mean "you southern people?" Huh? Hold on while I go get my pool queue.

4) Who are some of your favorite television characters that originated one one series before being spun off into another?

Has The Simpsons spawned a spin-off? No, I guess not. Futurama has a connection to The Simpsons through Matt Groening, and King of the Hill has a connection through Greg Daniels, but neither of those are spin-offs.

South Park hasn't spawned a spin-off, either.

I think House and The Office (US) are both decent shows, but they're both fairly new and neither has produced a spin-off. Does The Office (US) qualify as a spin-off from The Office (UK)? Does Fawlty Towers count as a spin-off from Monty Python's Flying Circus?

Ah, crap. I'm saying Joanie Loves Chachi. And my favorite character is the bitter, misogynistic 45 year old guy.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What was the name of my first pet, and what was it?

MCF's first pet was a woodlouse named Pillbug.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Trivial Matters

Well, if they're gonna knight Mick Jagger and Elton John, they might as well knight penguins, too:

As far as I'm concerned, that penguin won't really be a knight until I see it slay a dragon.

HT: MCF

Labels: Blogs, Humor, News, You Tube

MCF posted a link to a manga avatar maker, and we had fun putting together manga versions of our family:

Labels: Blogs, Links, Personal, Trivial Matters

McFat XIX, MCF's questionnaire for his loyal readers:

1) Should film critics be genre-specific? Why or why not?

Nah, I don't think so. Movie fans aren't genre-specific, so why should critics be? Well, most movie fans aren't genre specific ... but, now that I think about it, one of my best friends steadfastly refuses to watch anything other than comedies and horror movies.

Besides, just being a film critic kinda is genre-specific. It's not like film critics regularly cross over and review CDs, restaurants, etc.

2) What are some of your favorite movies and/or episodes of television shows depicting time travel?

My favorite is The Simpsons' Time And Punishment from Treehouse Of Horror V. Featuring Homer's immortal line: "Oh, I wish, I wish I hadn't killed that fish."

I also really enjoyed the indie sci-fi film Primer.

Back in the early 90's I thought that Quantum Leap was a pretty good show.

Of course the 1968 Planet of the Apes (as opposed to the crap Tim Burton remake) is a classic, and you find out at the end that time travel is a key to the story. (Ooops! Spoiler in the previous sentence!) The novel is better than either movie, though.

My favorite episode of The Twilight Zone, called Spur of the Moment, kinda dances around the concept of time travel.

I saw and enjoyed the first two Terminator movies, by the way. Never saw the third one and I don't care to see it, but the fourth one looks interesting.

Donnie Darko is a decent time travel movie.

Idiocracy is often hilarious. Mike Judge knows funny.

Slaughterhouse Five is an OK movie, but the novel is much better. It's Vonnegut, after all, and Vonnegut could do things with the printed word that transcended the limits of visual mediums.

I love A Christmas Carol, though I'm hard pressed to decide which production I've enjoyed most. Every one I've seen has had it's charms and it's flaws.

I liked the time travel sequence in the fourth Harry Potter movie.

Does Groundhog Day qualify as a time travel movie? I liked Groundhog Day a lot.

Oh, yeah, and I can't forget 12 Monkeys and Jacob's Ladder, I love both of those movies, and both of them have loose time travel themes.

3) At this exact second, how did you get where you are in life?

Well, my health isn't great, and that's my fault since I smoked for twenty-six years. But I stopped once for three years back in the '90's, so I know I can quit smoking. And as of this minute I haven't had a cigarette in nineteen days.

That's kinda the major preoccupation of my life right now, so I'll leave it at that.

4) Will there be sex in heaven?

You want a serious answer? I'd say that my faith teaches me that the question is answered in the last part of the 22nd chapter of the book of Matthew.

My gut-reaction answer, though, would be something like this: Sex is our earthly way of making a connection that we will make in an even more fulfilling way in the world to come. The idea of heaven without sex kinda sorta sucks ... but that's because we're thinking with earthly minds and we only have earthly experiences to form our context. There's not only more to our existence than we imagine ... there's more to our existence than we can imagine.

I'll throw some song lyrics out there, while I'm at it. I've always thought that the Tool song Parabola is a song about the spiritual elements of monogamous sex. If I'm interpreting the lyrics correctly, then I have to say that I like what the song has to say.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What is “that” one thing Meat Loaf wouldn't do for love? I'll accept both humorous and serious responses.

That question is answered in the lyrics to the song. The female vocalist sings "Sooner or later you'll be screwing around" and Meat Loaf sings "I won't do that."

By the way, according to IMDB, Meat Loaf's real name is Marvin Lee Aday. But to me, His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson. His name is Robert Paulson.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Personal, Trivial Matters

I feel like blogging, but I don't feel like writing anything about bladder cancer. I'm friggin' SICK of writing about bladder cancer. So I'm going to borrow a page from MCF and answer the questions from the famous Proust Questionnaire:

• 1) What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
  
  If I were to answer this question seriously, I'd say the most miserable thing in the world is the loss of a child. But if I were to answer the question sarcastically, I'd say ... oh, screw it. After bringing up the loss of a child, who can be sarcastic?



• 2) Where would you like to live?
  
  Where I live now. Well, in this state and in this county ... but maybe somewhere more rural.



• 3) What is your idea of earthly happiness?
  
  Spending the day at Busch Gardens Williamsburg with my family.



• 4) To which faults do you feel most indulgent?
  
  Ah, damn. I indulge in a LOT of faults. I'll say I'm most guilty of indulging in compulsive behavior. Anything that can be done compulsively ... smoking, eating, drinking ... I've either done it in the past or still do it today.



• 5) Who is/are your favorite hero/heroes of fiction?
  
  OK, let's see, there's Sam Fisher, Spider-Man, Batman, etc, etc, etc.
  
  
• 6) Who are your favorite characters in history?
  
  You know, that really is an odd way to phrase it: "Characters in history." Nonetheless, my list of mortal heroes from real life would have to include St. Peter, Ronald Reagan, Thomas Sowell, Johnny Cash and Ray Charles.
  
  
• 7) Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
  
  OK, uh ... My mom, St. Dymphna, Loretta Lynn, and of course Mary, Mother of God.




• 8) Who is/are your favorite heroines of fiction?
  
  Holy crap! I never think about some of these things. If I gotta come up with something, I'm saying Flo from the Progressive Insurance commercials. "Surprise! Let's bag these up."



• 9) Your favorite painters?
  
  Damn. I don't have any favorite painters. I'll say The Red House Painters are my favorite painters.



• 10) Your favorite composers or musicians?
  
  Well, Gov't Mule, Pink Floyd, Tool, Tony Rice, Marvin Gaye, Metallica, Frank Zappa, Merle Haggard, Phish, and the artists I listed above.



• 11) What qualities do you most value in a man?
  
  Holy crap, I never even THOUGHT about this. I'll say that what I want in a man is someone who's tall, dark and handsome who'll hold me when I cry.



• 12) What qualities do you most value in a woman?
  
  Honesty, accountability, reliability, virtue, reason, reverence, and big, big boobies.



• 13) Your favorite virtue?
  
  Kindness.
  
  
• 14) Your favorite occupation?
  
  I worked in radio for eight years and had a great time. I didn't make any money, but I had a lot of fun.



• 15) Who would you like to be?
  
  Me, but cancer-free. DOH! I was gonna go without mentioning cancer in this post.



• 16) Your most marked characteristic?
  
  I'm inclined to say sarcasm.



• 17) What do you most value in your friends?
  
  Like MCF, I'd say that I value friends who have shared interests and a similar sense of humor. And who're capable of having actual conversations. And who have big, big boobies.



• 18) What is your principle defect?
  
  Selfishness. It's at the root of everything I do wrong.



• 19) What is your favorite color?
  
  Black. I guess. I never think about it.



• 20) What is your favorite flower?
  
  For real? Geez. Uh ... the ones I don't have to mow around.




• 21) What is your favorite bird?
  
  My favorite bird would be the one Johnny Cash flipped in that famous picture taken during his concert at San Quentin.



• 22) Who are your favorite prose writers?
  
  C.S. Lewis. Thomas Sowell. Elmore Leonard. Chuck Palahniuk. And a number of other writers, all of whom I'm too lazy to code links for.



• 23) Who are your favorite poets?
  
  Dammit, maybe I shouldn't have done this questionnaire. I don't have any favorite poets. I do have favorite lyricists, though ... so I'll say Bono, Merle Haggard, Frank Zappa, John Mellencamp, and Glen Phillips.
  
  
• 24) What are your favorite names?
  
  Does this mean names of mine? I have two informal nicknames, Flounder and Derail. I'll answer to either of them as readily as to the name my mother gave me.



• 25) What is it you most dislike?
  
  People who don't take the time to learn about the issues but still voice their opinion loudly. Childishness. People who won't act their age.



• 26) What historical figures do you most despise?
  
  Well, the obvious ones; Osama bin Ladin, Hitler, etc. But also the Clintons, Margaret Sanger, Richard Dawkins.
  
  
• 27) What event in military history do you most admire?
  
  Operation Overlord.
  
  
• 28) What reform do you most admire?
  
  Well, I was glad when Vernon Reed reformed Living Colour.



• 29) What natural gift would you most like to possess?
  
  I'd like to have the strength of a thousand men. And be able to fly. And shoot lasers out of my butt. Do those qualify as natural gifts?



• 30) How would you like to die?
  
  Well, I came into this world naked, bloody and screaming ... and as long as I don't go out that way, I'll be happy.



• 31) What is your present state of mind?
  
  Distracted and kinda bored



• 32) What is your motto?
  
  "Death to Smoochie."

Labels: Blogs, Gov't Mule, Johnny Cash, Metallica, Personal, Trivial Matters

I had two topics I was going to blog about this evening. Well, I was going to blog about one of two possible topics.

If I had a serious frame of mind when I sat down I was going to write something about having to deal with chronic pain. The cancer/surgery process I'm going through now involves a great deal of constant physical pain ... and I don't do well with pain. My preference is to deal with physical pain by way of a constant stream of narcotics. But doctors don't like to give you a constant stream of narcotics these days. Marcus Welby, where are you when I need you?

These days, you're supposed to deal with chronic pain through any number of processes known collectively as "pain management." Like "anger management" and "self esteem," "pain management" is one of those new-age psycho-babble concepts. It makes health-care administrative types feel good about themselves because they're creating fewer Vicoden addicts, but doesn't really do anything for the guy with the hot coals burning in his lower abdomen. It's difficult to concentrate on closing my eyes and "going to my peaceful place" while running to the bathroom every ten minutes to bleed into the toilet.

So I'm dealing with my pain by taking twice as much actual Vicoden as I'm supposed to. Eventually my prescription will run out and I'll have to figure out something else. Boy, THEN I'll be screwed! But I'll worry about that then. Whoo hoooo!

Anyway, the other possible blog topic for tonight was going to be something about comic-book inspired movies. I've actually written some of that post and saved it as a draft and I thought I might sit down and finish it this evening.

But before I did any blog writing I decided to do some blog reading. And after a few minutes of surfing I noticed that for some reason I couldn't get streaming video to work this evening.

It turns out that it was apparently a Firefox problem, because when I loaded Rhodester's blog into Internet Explorer I was able to finally watch his "Vlog" video.

And when I loaded The Cubical Reverend's blog in Internet Explorer, I was able to watch the three YouTube videos that he posted on the 18th. The three videos were of a shared theme; something to do with irreverent reverends.

I was so effected by those three videos I decided to post them myself. First, there was this old chestnut, the farting preacher:

OK, clearly somebody monkeyed with the audio in that clip. But then there's this guy. The audio on this video is pretty low, you'll have to turn it up to hear it. And if you do so, about a minute and ten seconds into the praise chorus you'll here the preacher just flat out LOSE. HIS. EVER. LOVIN'. MIND.

And then ... there's this guy. Let me make it clear that this video comes with a HUGE LANGUAGE WARNING. I don't know what this guy's denomination is, but I'm guessing it's something like The First Church Of The Divine Gangsta.

Wow. Wow. Just ... wow. Kinda makes Jeremiah Wright come off like Jerry Falwell, huh? I just, I ... uh ... man. What was THAT?

I mean, I was half way through my second viewing of that before I even noticed the haircut.

I'd write more but I just flat out don't know what to say. And besides, it's time to crawl to the bathroom again.

Labels: Bladder Cancer, Blogs, Faith, Humor, Personal, You Tube

Just a brief note for the two or three "blog buddies" I have who check this blog from time to time... and for The Governor, Jamie and other real life-friends who surf by.

Last week sucked. Absolutely S-U-C-K-E-D. The last while, in fact, has been very stressful ... and the stress seemed to culminate last weekend with the sudden, unexpected death of a good friend. It hit me like a train.

As of my last post, I'd decided to stop blogging for a while for a number of reasons. I can't really put it in words, though. Something to do with the desperation and sadness of trying to have relationships on the internet while the real relationships in your life remain neglected. I have known people ... and I ain't naming names ... who honesty care more about the people they "know" on the net than they do about spouses, friends, family, etc. It's sad to see the effect that has on families. I know someone who's going through something like that now and it's just sad.

And then, just as that feeling was coming into sharp relief, my friend died. His death has had a lot to do with my current train of thought ... This guy was someone I'm truly fortunate to have known. I loved him like family and I never told him that. I felt some disgust with myself and I guess that staying away from the blog this week has been kind of an act of penance.

But I do feel a bit of a compulsion to blog. And I think that ultimately that's because this blog is little more than my personal diary. This is my sounding board and I do think it does me more good than ill. It's not as though I've disappeared into some sort of "second life."

So, anyway, I'm blogging again. My thoughts aren't just going to sort themselves out, I suppose.

Labels: Blogs, Personal

Time for another break from blogging. Things aren't going well right now. Be back sometime, whenever. I'll wrap up for now with a song.

Labels: Blogs

I saw this tonight, posted at a forum and ... uh, well ... yeah, that's pretty much me.

Labels: Blogs, Humor, Trivial Matters

The other day I posted a link to the NewsMax website, referencing Ronald Kessler's claim that Obama was, in fact, in the pews at Trinity United when Jeremiah Wright gave one of his hate speeches about America. Apparently the Obama campaign has been able to prove that Obama was not there on the date in question. The NewsMax story now contains a clarification to the effect that Kessler got the date wrong, but that he is certain he remembers seeing Obama at the church during one of Wright's hateful "sermons." Nonetheless, Kessler's credibility on the issue is severely damaged.

It appears that Kessler printed his account of the sermon without sufficient research and without being sure of his own memory. What we're left with now is a writer claiming "I'm sure I saw Obama there on SOME occasion," which is something else altogether. Kessler has made himself, NewsMax, and each of us who linked to his story look bad. I'm glad I tried to qualify my link slightly by writing that evidence had come to light to indicate that Obama was lying, rather than dogmatically proclaiming Obama to certainly be a big liar.

In a fairly funny sidenote, Scott at Spitball Politics chose to link to my post, only to have Patrick (apparently the guy in charge of the blog) strike out the entry and post details about Kessler's gaffe. Patrick went on to write:

...and yes, Scott used a CONSERVATIVE BLOG as his ht on this. Something akin to placing an anti-environment lobby-monger like Dirk Kempthorne to head the Dept of Interior.

So apparently all conservative blogs are unreliable, simply based on the conservative perspective of the author. I'm glad I hadn't gotten around to blogrolling Spitball, I'd intended to as a courtesy to Scott. I do, however, encourage you to read Patrick's stuff if you're in the market for unequivocal generalities about conservative blogs. Meanwhile, this is my second and last reference to that particular blog (although the comments section at SouthCon remains fair game for anyone).

More opinion on the issue: it's rare that I agree with Pat Buchanan, his brand of conservatism always strikes me as rather unconservative. He usually seems like an extremist to me. But I do agree with much of his take on the Obama/Wright flap:

What is exceptional is that Wright is the spiritual father of Barack Obama, the pastor, teacher and mentor who brought Barack into the church, married him and Michelle, baptized their children and has been a confidant to the man who would be America's president.

For 20 years, Barack has attended Wright's church, listened to his weekly sermons, entertained him in his home. Yet, says Barack, he never heard any racist rants at church, nor was he aware that Wright held so poisoned a view of his country.

Sorry, that is not credible. Wright is a famous preacher in black America, and Barack's denial he was aware of his views marks him down either as a dissembler or a man so obtuse he ought not be a security guard at Wal-Mart, let alone president of the United States.

It is easy now to understand why Michelle Obama, before Barack began to win, had never once been proud of her country. Who could be proud of the America that lives in the malignant imagination of the Rev. Wright?

Exactly. And speaking of Michelle Obama, it occurred to me when I heard the recording of her own clarification of her remarks about America ... one of the things that she said was that opportunities were available to her when she was a child that aren't available to kids today, and she was now proud to see America working to get those opportunities back.

Hmmm. Michelle Obama and I are about the same age. Which means that she, like me, grew up in Ronald Reagan's America. So I agree with her, we really did have more opportunities when she was a child. You know, I do have to admit that I like it when the Obamas directly or indirectly praise Reagan.

Labels: Blogs, Media, News, Obama Watch, Politics

I wonder if any of the other bloggers who read my site have ever had any trouble with content theft.

I've had trouble for some time now with bandwidth theft, hotlinking, and sometimes I check my server details and try to change code so that my hosted images aren't easily stolen.

But imagine my surprise when I followed this URL and saw that someone was not only hotlinking to my images, but actually stealing whole posts.

(I wrote that kitten-stomping bit as a farcical commentary about my tendency to be offensive two and a half years ago. This post and this one have been hijacked, too.)

Man. Man, oh man.

I gotta invest in some code that prevents hotlinking ... and maybe I should think about copyrighting, too.

By the way, with '08 a PotUS election year, it's probably not surprising that, as of now, my most commonly hotlinked image is this one:

I happen to think that's a pretty funny graphic, so I left it up with the original file name ... albeit with the URL tag you see above. If people are going to be sharing the "Hillary Clinton Is Batboy's Mom" image, I guess I deserve credit for it.

Labels: Blogs

For the three or four people who'll care ...

I've found myself writing again lately. Randomly jotting down movie reviews, political observations, general rants, etc. I'll probably be blogging again pretty soon, the urge seems to have returned.

And a brief word about the banner: MCF created a really awesome banner for me a while back, incorporating my blog name and the gun-toting monkey that I'd been using for a while. Well, I got an e-mail yesterday from the creator of the monkey graphic, asking me to stop using it as my blog header. Mea culpa. The monkey, sadly, is gone. I'll stick with a plain text banner for now.

Just a few notes about what's gone on since I've been away from the blogosphere:

• We bit the bullet and got an Xbox 360 for Christmas. The kids love it and so do I. B13 was right all along, the 360 is awesome.



• We also got the kids Guitar Hero III for Christmas. It's awesome. Oh, don't get me wrong, I can't play it worth a damn … but the boys are awesome at it. The game has inspired Hailey to consider learning to play the guitar for real and has also inspired Liam to (finally) take a personal interest in music. His favorite band seems to be Dragonforce (for some reason), but he also seems to really have taken a liking to Killswitch Engage. That's great, since Killswitch rules.



• Hailey has become a serious basketball star! I might post some stories and/or video from his games soon.



• Wendy has become hugely addicted to European prog metal. I am totally at a loss about this.



• I remain an insanely rabid fan of Gov't Mule. I've also been enjoying other "hippy" bands, such as Phish. What the hell is happening to me?



• No Country For Old Men was the best movie I saw in '07. It's a wonderful film. I'll post a review soon.



• Boy, the Fred Thompson campaign has turned out to be a huge disappointment, huh? The guy just doesn't seem to have what it takes to fight for a victory. He's a lame duck and he's not even been elected yet. So, despite my early support, I guess I'll pull the Thompson banner from my blog soon.



• I'm not sure who I'll support next. Maybe Romney. Maybe McCain. I could live with either of them as the GOP candidate. Rudy Giuliani is pro-abortion, so he's out. Ron Paul is a nut. Duncan Hunter panders to labor unions too much to suit me, and Huckabee would be too easy to defeat, campaigning as he is with the same-old, same-old evangelical "compassionate conservatism." So I guess it's Romney, and I hope he kicks it into high gear soon …he needs a real campaign to generate some serious interest.



• I continue to disagree with Barack Obama on just about every issue ... and I continue to like the guy more and more every time I hear him speak. He's certainly not my idea of a good Presidential candidate, but I bet he'd be a lot of fun to hang out with at a Bar-B-Que, maybe drink a beer or two, etc.



• Hillary is scrambling. HAAA! HA HA HAA HAAAA HAAA! (Whew.) I'm loving that.

Labels: Blogs

Still too busy to resume blogging again, but here are a few things I've surfed across in the last few weeks that have cracked me up and/or made me scratch my head:

Good stuff from Snopes. Click here to get the full story.

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Part dog, part monkey. I guess it's a donkey. Or, not.

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This is a good argument for wireless routers.

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Two things I like about this: One, if I were going to eat a burger this big (and you bet your butt I would), I think I'd also want a helmet, just to be safe. Two, look at all the pickles on top of the burger itself! That's like half a jar of pickles!

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I never hear about the really good parties until the next day.

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Obligatory bear picture.

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I think I saw this guy on American Idol, third season.

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We need more municipal signs to warn us about the super-villains in any given neighborhood.

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Neat.

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Yeah, I enjoyed that set of pics, too.

Labels: Blogs, Junk Dump, Links, Trivial Matters

It's time for SouthCon to go on hiatus for a little while. There are a number of reasons.

First of all, I typically spend a while each November devoting my free time to editing the past year's home videos and compiling them in one fairly brief DVD for distribution among the family. This requires taking a break from blogging, which I've done every November since I started blogging.

I also think I ought to take a break because I'm just not inspired to write anything lately. Since I was a kid, writing for my own amusement has been my hobby... and, like every hobby, my interest waxes and wanes. If I'm not interested in writing at the moment, why force it? I mean, honestly, all I can come up with lately is a series of lame one-liners ... like, for instance, are they sure that that's Shia LeBeouf's mugshot and not his junior year class picture?

Also, I've been in a bit of a funk lately. Nothing major; just the same kind of funk that everyone goes through from time to time. I've learned two things about being in a funk: one, funks pass. Two, trying to force myself to blog while I'm feeling kinda blah isn't a good idea. I might end up writing something that I just want to take down later.

Anyway, I'll be back, and probably sooner rather than later. Meanwhile, I encourage you to read any of the fine blogs you'll find blogrolled to the right.

Labels: Blogs, Personal

I haven't had a lot of time to blog for a few days ... more importantly, I haven't had time to read (and comment at) the blogs I enjoy, so my apologies to those I've neglected.

I've been working some trades so that I can have Sunday off so that Wendy and I can go to Richmond to see the amazing Gov't Mule in concert. I'm sure I'll write a concert review after the show, raving about how great they were. Here's just a little sample of what I look forward to enjoying on Sunday:

Labels: Blogs, Gov't Mule, Music, Personal, You Tube

I've been goofing around with the stuff that Google provides for it's users today. Yeah, Google is becoming a monopoly, Google is the AOL of this decade, Google is evil, blah blah blah blah.

But Google also provides its users with a lot of cool stuff, like Picasa, which enables you to do fun photo albums and slideshows and stuff:

(Yeah, no new pictures ... but new web toys, which are always cool.)

And since I switched our domain base over to a Google "partner page," I got lots of fun gadgets and widgets for it, too... like that same slideshow and RSS blogfeeds for both mine and Wendy's blog and yadda yadda yadda.

All of which is fun for a sophomore level codemonkey like me.

Labels: Blogs, Personal

Mega-huge props, and overwhelming gratitude, to MCF for the new banner (refresh if you don't see it). As Rhodester might say, "I'm Verklempt."

Labels: Blogs

Once again, MCF provides the answers and we come up with the questions … and, for some reason, this time I found myself primarily fixated on his dental records.

1. I'm hoping it's just dormant right now.
Is disco dead?

2. I'm no lizard.
Are you a lizard?

3. At least two.
How many days in advance did you anticipate my question for number two?

4. Eat fresh-ish.
What do you do while drunk at Subway?

5. No, I cut all of them.
Is it true that you never got all of your baby teeth?

6. Less than two months' ago.
When did you get the last of them?

7. 333.
And how many teeth do you have in total?

8. Small square, long rectangle, large square, small square, long rectangle, tall rectangle, small square...
Could you describe your teeth for us?

9. A dead crow.
Is there anything your teeth have not been able to chew through?

10. Duncan, Casey, Mohannan, Antonio, The Kisser, Jonas.
What are some pet names that the lovely ladies have given you over the years?

Labels: Blogs

My schedule at work has been up in the air lately, so I've been away from the computer for a while. On top of the schedule problems, I've come down with either a mild case of flu or an extreme late-summer cold, so what free time I've had has largely been spent staring at the ceiling and moaning.

But, anyway, I had time to sit down today and catch up on some of what I've missed in the blogopshere. I thought I'd post links to a bunch of that neat stuff, so since this is Monday and I'm basically posting a list of cool links, I guess it would be fair to accuse me of a phantasmic theft.

• Speaking of things phantasmic, MCF recently created a few blog banners, including a super cool one for me. As soon as I get tired of the monkey-with-a-gun motif, you'll probably see that new banner at the top of this blog.



• A bear wandered out onto a bridge near Lake Tahoe, California, and ended up dangling precariously from the side (photo at right). Animal Control officers weren't sure what to do at first. After the bear spent a long night on the edge, a plan was devised involving helicopters, tranquilizer darts and a big red net. How'd it end up? click here to read the story.



• Some tasty satire from Terry Bisson via Rhodester... "They're made out of meat."



• Either Bishop Donald Pelotte is suffering from some sort of total mental collapse (and that's my bet) or he's being visited by aliens (not bloody well likely). Either way, he's in my prayers. HT to my friend Jamie.



• Jerry at Bent Sense has a story that is, at turns, humorous and horrifying:
  

  A woman recently found herself locked inside a medical facility and called the police, who upon arriving simply had her unlock the door from the inside.

  
  Funny? Sure ... until you read on and find out that the woman was a 67 year old cancer patient who'd been forgotten by technicians, inside a CAT scan machine, under a weighted blanket, for several hours. Read the whole thing and get as pissed off as I am.



• TJ at Dogs Cats Kids Life is tending to her dad during surgery ... but during a break she found time to post this very funny slice-of-life video for Scotland:
  




• Fans of politically conservative editorial cartoons (all five of us) are saddened to learn that Cox and Forkum are calling it quits.



• By way of B13 and MCF, here's a bit of mind blowing animation. I can only guess at the time and dedication involved in producing something like this.



• Am I the only person who thinks that White House corespondent Helen Thomas looks exactly like Yubaba from Spirited Away?

  




• The other day I mentioned that Scott Nehring had suffered a heart attack. Well, I'm glad to read that he's home and on the mend. And judging from the title of his recovery post ("Only Mostly Dead"), Scott's acerbic wit remains fully in tact. Good deal.



• That picture to the right? The one of the crazy looking turtle(s)? That picture has not been photoshopped.



• A two year old girl in Great Brittan fell from a seventh story apartment window (about one hundred feet up) and lived.



• Tough: giving birth to your twelfth child. Tougher: giving birth to your seventeen pound, one ounce twelfth child. In Russia.



• Lorna has posted some pics from a highly anticipated wedding ... one that her readers have anticipated vicariously right along with her.



• Finally! A search engine for our parents!



• You know, there really are worse things that can happen to a dog than being put to sleep. (Warning: story involves terrible abuse of an animal by an animal shelter employee.)



• Hey, if you'd been brainwashed by an Emperor (who turned out to be a member of a cult of evil warrior priests) and if you'd spent the last several years of your life trying to track down and destroy your own children, you'd have the blues during your "death bed scene" too. HT, Unseen:
  

Whew! I'm all caught up now. And you are, too.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, Links, News, Politics, You Tube

Scott Nehring, who posts clever, smart film reviews at Nehring The Edge has had a heart attack. Doctors expect him to come out OK, but stop by his site and wish him well all the same.

Labels: Blogs

Once again, MCF comes up with the answers and we provide the questions:

1. Two beaches and a marina.
If I have five beaches and three marinas and I give you three beaches and two marinas, how many of each do I have left?

2. “This **** just got real.”
If you were a cashier, what phrase would you say to each customer instead of the over-used "Have a nice day?"

3. Drooling.
This picture would be funnier if the guy were doing what?

4. “Those would make a great coat!”.
Hey, what do you think of these two shirts?

5. David Hewlett and Trey Parker.
Can you name an actor on Stargate: Atlantis and a guy who makes really funny movies even though he comes off as an annoying a-hole in interviews?

6. A square bit.
This odd little video is the first one that pops up when you put what phrase into the search engine at YouTube?

7. My knee.
What the heck is that?

8. They would cancel each other out and the show would last forever.
What would happen if there were a TV show called Iceman Vs. The Human Torch?

9. I jumped in a big puddle of mud.
Did you jump in a big puddle of mud?

10. Because, It's Midnite.
Why won't you feed your Mogwai?

Labels: Blogs, You Tube

MCF recently mentioned the B13's bad car accident in '92. I'd seen the pictures before and they always make me cringe.


I'm something of a paranoid passenger, as Wendy can attest, due to my own history of car accidents. I'm one of those guys who sits in the passenger seat maniacally clutching the dashboard, eyes wide, mouth agape, screaming "SLOW DOWN!! And that's before the driver even puts the key in the ignition.

My first car accident occurred shortly after I got my driver's license. I was a junior in high school. As MCF says, "kids are crazy," and I was one of many who had to learn lessons the hard way. One lesson I learned the hard way is that you should pay attention to the road, the road signs and the traffic signals when you're driving ... instead of haphazardly bopping down the road over the speed limit, eating a McDonalds cheeseburger and blasting Metallica's Disposable Heroes, paying no attention to traffic lights. I ran a traffic light at a busy intersection and crashed my mother's Ford Escort into a Chevy Blazer. I totaled the Blazer I hit and did something like $3,000 worth of damage to the Escort; shockingly it wasn't the other way around. Upon impact I flew forward (nope, not wearing a seatbelt) and spider-webbed the windshield of the Escort with my head, then flew to the left and embedded the window crank into the door with my left arm. Pretty scary. And to make matters worse, I knew that it was my fault. Thankfully, nobody was hurt beyond my few bumps and bruises, but I was terrified to tell my mom what had happened. Long story short, I got a year's driving probation and a good scare.


A few years later I was driving home from work one afternoon, once again blasting Metallica but this time paying attention to the road, when an old man ran a stop sign and I hit his station wagon with my car; that same Ford Escort which I'd since bought from my mom. This time the accident wasn't my fault, and I was fortunate in that a police officer witnessed the whole thing and testified on my behalf when the case went to court. Nonetheless, in this second instance there was more damage done to me and the car. This time the Escort was totaled, and I had to be cut from the car with the jaws of life and taken to the hospital in an ambulance. I was strapped to a flat surface of some sort by paramedics and x-rayed and cat-scanned before I was allowed to get up because I'd had a neck injury. Thank God the injury turned out to be just a bad strain/sprain and not something more severe.

When that case went to court the old man who'd ran the stoplight told the judge that it wasn't his fault, but the police officer who'd seen the accident testified differently. The cop suggested that the old man have his license revoked since he had a history, but the judge didn't take that suggestion. Sadly, a few years later, the old guy got on the interstate near here going in the wrong direction and hit a big truck head-on. The truck driver wasn't injured, but the old guy was killed.

Then, a few years after that, I was on my way to visit a girlfriend who was going to college at James Madison University, about 90 minutes away. It was a winter night and an icestorm blew up from out of nowhere. I didn't realize how quickly the weather had gotten bad and I didn't adjust my driving in time… so I hit an ice patch on an interstate bridge going at least sixty. My car spun three times at that speed, and it seemed to take about a half an hour. You know how people say that time slows down during those kinds of things? It really does. I can vividly remember having time to pray that God would just make the car stop spinning. And I can vividly remember the headlights of other cars all around me. They seemed to be coming from all directions. Finally, my car came to a stop on the shoulder of the interstate, facing in the wrong direction. I wasn't hurt and the car itself was unscathed. I sat staring at the cars passing me as I faced them pointed in the wrong direction, wondering how in the world I could possibly be perfectly fine. It was the most uneventful of my car accidents but it was easily the most terrifying.

So, yes, I'm a bad passenger. I always assume that the "other guy" is going to run a stop sign, that there's some unseen hazard on the road, or that safes and pianos are going to just start falling out of the sky.

Unless I'm driving. Then, I find that I often feel secure enough to drive and play air guitar at the same time.

Labels: Blogs, Metallica, Personal

A while back I posted some stuff that had accumulated in our junk folder, and I thought today that I'd kick off the weekend with another random junk post. Some of the stuff below might just be very slightly NSFW.

But first, a bit of news ...

• Wildfire Update

I've mentioned a wildfire that was burning on the mountain behind our home. Well, good news, authorities now say that they have it about 70% contained. We had a downpour last night, and that helped.

• UFO Update

A while back I posted some video that I got from Rhodester that featured a very realistic looking bit of UFO footage. Well, the creator of those clips has outed himself and admitted that the videos are an elaborate, well-made hoax, which is bad news for UFO enthusiasts because those videos looked so good that now every bit of UFO footage will be dubious at best. Anyway, the creator of those fake clips has created another, just to show off, this one featuring a UFO over a Paris street:

And now, on with the junk ...

First, if you click this link, or right click and save it, you'll load an extremely funny WMV video clip featuring highlights of some of Jay Leno's best "interviews."

Here's a funny Bud Light commercial that apparently doesn't violate YouTube's terms of service, since they let me upload it (but not the Leno video linked above):

And now for the images that have been piling up in our Junk folder... I'll apologize in advance for having tagged each of them with my URL. I know that can be annoying. But if people are going to continue hotlinking my files and stealing my bandwidth (and they are) and if I'm going to continue to be unable to figure out a way to stop them (and I am), I may as well try to generate a bit of traffic in the process. Right? Right. So on with the goofy images I've stumbled across over the past couple of months...

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Somebody at Amazon needs to rethink their policy of posting an Order It Used button with every item they sell. And why the heck do they sell this item, anyway? Who makes this purchase over the net?

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Labels: Blogs, Humor, Junk Dump, Links, News, You Tube

I read Janet's Tell It To Me Tuesday regularly, but don't usually contribute because I just don't often feel like I have anything worth adding. Better to keep your mouth shut than to add something pointless, right?

But this week's topic happens to be a subject I know a little about: songs that invoke anger. Or, as I interpret the topic, songs to listen to when you're good and pissed off.

I've mentioned before that music therapy is the only thing that works for me when I get highly aggravated, and what I often do is listen to good anger-music to get it out of my system. Once I've heard a few tunes ... good and loud, mind you ... and maybe let out a couple of primal screams ... I tend to feel better. Here are some of the songs that help me bring the anger to a head, dissipate it, and get on with my life.

Pantera: "Regular People"

There are a ton of good Pantera songs when it comes to lettin' off some steam, including B13's outstanding choice, but the one I'd pick is "Regular People", a song about having had it up to here with somebody's BS. As heavy metal goes, Pantera was one of the best bands ever ... and their music was the kind that perfectly suited aggressive, angry lyrics. Each and every track on Pantera's amazing "Vulgar Display of Power" is a monster, and "Regular People" is one of those "critical mass" songs for me.

Sample lyric:
I’ve trampled on that road
That you think you own.
You and that ’smart ass’ attitude,
It’s time to stop the fiction.

Some YouTuber has put together a music video for the song, featuring video from some video game. I have no idea why, the video adds nothing to the music ... but you can sample the song here:

Metallica: "Wasting My Hate"

Of course, the worst thing about being good and mad at someone is that when you get mad and stay mad at some idiot, you're giving them too much of yourself. When you're mad at someone, you're giving them your time, your energy, your mind and your body. And most of the time, when you think about it, the person you're mad at isn't worth the sacrifice.

Metallica's "Load" features a song called "Wasting My Hate", and it really puts it all in a nutshell. The band's James Hetfield wrote the song after hearing a story from country and western legend Waylon Jennings: Jennings was sitting in a cafe having a cup of coffee when he noticed a guy sitting in the parking lot, in the passenger seat of a truck, giving him the evil eye. Jennings looked away, but when he looked back, the guy was still looking at him. So this time he tried to stare him down, but the guy didn't budge. The longer he sat there, the angrier Waylon got, and finally he decided to walk outside and really give it to the guy. And when he got outside and approached the truck, he realized that the guy was sound asleep, head cocked back on the seat, and actually staring at no one and nothing. "Man," Waylon is reported to have said to Hetfield, "I was just wasting my hate on that guy."

Sample lyric:
Good day, how do,
And I send a smile to you.
Don't waste, don't waste your breath,
And I won't waste my hate on you.

Again, the YouTube video features unrelated and irrelevant video, but you can hear the song here:

Johnny Cash: "San Quentin"

Johnny Cash didn't write protest songs to be trendy or to attract attention. If Johnny wrote a song in protest of something, it was because he was good and pissed off. Such was the case in 1969 when Johnny visited San Quentin State Prison in California to perform for the inmates and saw them living in conditions not fit for human beings.

According to the liner notes from Cash's legendary live album "Johnny Cash At San Quentin", Johnny wrote his classic song entitled "San Quentin" during the first hours of his visit to the penitentiary. That was the thing about Johnny Cash... when he converted to Christianity, he took the call seriously. Including Christ's call to His followers to visit and minister to those in prison. Cash believed that people who'd committed crimes should pay their due to society, but that they shouldn't be reduced to something less than human. What he saw at San Quentin appalled him. During his concert that day Cash asked for a drink of the same water that the prisoners drank and found it filthy and disgusting. Later, Johnny debuted the new song for San Quentin's inmates, stirring them to the point that he had to perform the song again, immediately, to satisfy them. Imagine that. Imagine being one of the guards or the warden in that infamous hellhole, watching as a pissed-off country rocker got your whole prison population all worked up, all at once.

Sample lyric:
San Quentin, I hate every inch of you.
You've cut me and you've scarred me through and through.
And I'll walk out a wiser weaker man;
Mister Congressman, you can't understand.

And here's a clip of that very legendary performance:

Tool: "Bottom"

The heavy progressive rock band Tool just gets better and better. Their 2001 album "Lateralus" is possibly the finest example of heavy progressive rock that's been turned out by any band ... but each of their albums is good in it's own right, and 1993's "Undertow" features a number of great songs, including "Bottom".

"Bottom" is a song about wallowing in your own spite ... and let's face it, we all do that from time to time. But "Bottom" is an honest song; a song that admits that when you're wallowing, you're doing nothing more than celebrating your own failure. Still, wallowing has it's appeal. Sometimes when you're good and mad you just want to be left alone to enjoy your anger. And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you get it out of your system and move on. Have a good wallow, then get up and get on with it.

Sample lyric:
I have swallowed the poison you feed me,
And I survive on the poison you feed me.
Leaving me guilt-fed. Hatred-fed. Weakness-fed.
It makes me feel ugly.

Again, ignore the animation that some YouTuber has attached to the song and just enjoy Tool's groove:

Billy Joel: "Pressure"

Is there anything worse than some jackass who just can't wait to tell you what you should be doing when things fall apart? Not much. And we all know the type, too. We all know some blowhard who just lurks in the background, waiting to see if you're going to fall on your face, not caring what you're doing or what you're learning or how hard you're trying ... just waiting for that chance to waltz up and say "You know, if I were you..."

Billy Joel has obviously dealt with those kinds of people before, and his 1982 album "The Nylon Curtain" contains a track that sums them up to a tee. Billy even sings "Pressure" with a voice that's about to crack from anger, making it obvious that he's not singing about a hypothetical lunkhead. Some smart-ass actually inspired this song. I hope he knew that it was about him when he first heard it on the radio.

Sample lyric:
I'm sure you'll have some cosmic rationale.
But here you are with your faith
And your Peter Pan advice.
You have no scars on your face
And you cannot handle pressure.

And here's the classic music video from the '80's.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, Johnny Cash, Metallica, Music, Personal, You Tube

I had little time for blogging for most of the last week, so I missed out on some good stuff from my blogroll:

• MCF's Monday tradition, the Phantasmic Links, was great today, as usual. My favorites included a cartoon about an RPG addicted cat with bad priorities and a look back at the most memorable commercials of the '80's. ("If you dare wear short shorts, NAIR for short shorts!") And make sure you check out the promo for Minesweeper: The Movie, found by Wendy.



• Don't miss the announcement of the latest addition to Rey's family. Congratulations!



• It might be hard to believe, but Strange Culture has proof that Ridley Scott is working on a movie based on the board game Monopoly. I guess he's accepted that he'll never top Blade Runner or Alien ... and he isn't even trying.



• Rhodester got my attention with this spooky, believable looking video of what appears to be UFOs, filmed in Haiti:
  

  Good stuff, eh? Sure looks real, and it's gotten some media attention. I checked YouTube and found that a similar video turned up from the Dominican Republic:
  

  
  Of course, I wouldn't rest until I'd found reasonable proof that it was a scam. And I think this video offers just that:
  

  
  A couple of fakes? Probably. But a darn good effort, and it was a lot of fun to look around the net and read about it.




• I've been given a blog award and an honorable mention by MCF and B13, respectively. To which I can only respond "Shucks, fellas, little ol' me?" Seriously, hearing other bloggers say that they like what you're posting really is the whole reason we're doing this stuff, right? So thanks for the positive reenforcement, guys. You made my day.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, News, You Tube

Just a few tests I've found, most of them today at the Nexus and at least one at the Hidden Blog:

84%How Addicted to Blogging Are You?

I'm convinced that the only reason I scored so high here is that I own my own domain. I don't update frequently enough to be that addicted, right? And why can I hear my wife smirking in the background?

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I figured I'd get a PG-13 since I occasionally use the word "sh*t" (and usually don't censor it), but as a parent, I'm cool with the PG. I'd actually prefer a G, but PG is groovy. Maybe I'd get the G if I'd watch my potty mouth.

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They say that coffee has the same addictive properties as heroin. That worries me, because I'm seriously addicted to coffee, so it's going to be pure hell when I finally give up heroin. (Har har.)

And why won't this one center? Dammit.

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Am-I-Dumb.com - Are you dumb?

OK, so I are not as smart as The Unseen One, but I knew that going in, and that's cool. I am, however, insecure enough that I know I'll spend the night wondering which questions I missed (since the test doesn't tell you). Oh, well... I guess I can comfort myself with the knowledge that outcome based educators would cushion me in the "doesn't test well" group.

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90%The Movie Quiz

FilmCritic.com - Movie Reviews

Alright, I have an excuse here. One of the questions was about Old School and I missed half of that movie. The other question I missed was about The Terminator and I screwed up and clicked the wrong friggin' link! Doh! Other than that, I guess 90% is acceptable for a film geek.

Labels: Blogs

Once again, MCF asks the questions and his readers answer them.

1) What aspect of aging do you dread the most?

I live in mortal fear of Alzheimer's Disease. It's crippled several people in my family, leaving them barely-alive shells for the last ten years of their lives. I am terrified of the possibility that I'll get it. I'd honestly rather die (fairly) young than burden my family with Alzheimer's. Every time I forget something, lose my keys, etc, I mildly panic about it being the onset of Alzheimer's.

2) What's the wildest ethnic celebration you've ever participated in or encountered on the street?

I'm having a hard time coming up with an answer for this. Ethnic celebrations aren't really commonplace in this neck of the woods. It's not that there's no ethnic variety, it's just that large-scale celebrations tend to be community-focused rather than focused on one specific ethnicity.

So I guess I'll say that the wildest ethnic celebration I've ever encountered on the street was when the little punk sk8er kids from up the road spent most of a night doing jumps off the steps of the church down the road, cursing loudly and keeping a number of people awake until someone ran them off. Is "sk8er kid" an official ethnicity?

3) Which characters would you like to see in the sequel to Transformers? If you're not familiar with the series, you can just suggest vehicles or other alternate forms you'd enjoy watching turn into robots.

I'm not really familiar with the series, so I guess I'm on my own here. So how about …

• A tricked out 78 Lincoln that turns into Pimpbot 5000.


• A three year old Xbox that turns into a brand new Xbox 360.


• A swan that turns into a dress.


• A new Metallica album, to be released in February, that turns into something worth waiting for.


• A week thread of one liners that turns into a funny post.

4) Do you ever just go crazy or lose your temper and, if so, how do you cool down and regain rationality?

The only thing that helps me when I get to the snapping point is to get in a car, drive away from whatever/whomever I'm irked at, and play music LOUD until I chill out. Then I can go back and talk.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What is “Purple Monkey Dishwasher”?

It's from The Simpsons. I'm not going to bother hunting down the exact season/episode. As I remember it, the kids were at school whispering a rumor each to another and passing it on. When it got back around it was no longer as it had started and now ended with the words "purple monkey dishwasher." Which, by the way, would make an awesome name for a band.

And by the way, if you plug the phrase into Google Image Search, the image to the right is one of the ones that pops up.

Labels: Blogs, Metallica

After considering my options for a while, I've closed film geeks. the site is still up and will remain so, but I think of it as a dead blog. If Wendy gets interested in blogging again, who knows? In the meantime, I'll post film reviews here from time to time when I get the urge. I've even come up with my own new format for reviews, and the first one is immediately below this post.

Labels: Blogs, Personal

Here are the answers to the random trivia quiz from the other day. I think all of them have already been answered correctly except by one ... and MCF came up with the lion's share.

1. What was significant about November 19, 1999? (By the way, 11/19/1999 was on a Friday, not that it matters.)
   
   

   It was the last day that any of us will live to see that had all odd numbers in the date. The next one won't be until January 1, 3111.




2. Robert Heinlein was the noted science fiction author behind classics such as Stranger In A Strange Land, Starship Troopers and The Puppet Masters. What novel did Heinlein praise as "possibly the finest science fiction novel I have ever read"?
   
   (I'm currently reading this novel, which is why Heinlein's appraisal has been on my mind.)
   
   

   Yep, it's Jerry Pournelle and Larry Niven's The Mote In God's Eye, an extremely entertaining and smart science fiction novel that I'm close to finishing (expect a book report). By the way, MCF said he once designed a cover for an edition of the book. How cool is that? I'd love to see a pic of that edition (hint hint).




3. Buddy Ebsen was cast as the Scarecrow in The Wizard Of Oz, but surrendered the role to Ray Bolger when Bolger demanded the part. Ebsen was then recast as the Tin Man, but had to leave the production and wasn't in the film. Why wasn't Ebsen able to play the Tin Man?
   
   

   Several people knew that Buddy was alergic to the Tin Man makeup.




4. Merriam Webster defines stigmata as bodily marks or pains resembling the wounds of the crucified Jesus and sometimes accompanying religious ecstasy. Stigmata is sometimes thought of as a uniquely Catholic phenomenon, although it isn't. In fact, the Roman Catholic Church only believes one reported instance of stigmata to be wholly verifiable. Upon who's body did that stigmata manifest? (Hint: It wasn't Padre Pio.)
   
   

   The only case of stigmata that the Church officially believes to be valid is the stigmata experienced by St. Francis of Assisi. The 1910 Catholic Encyclopedia has more information: "The first mentioned (instance of stigmata) is St. Francis of Assisi, in whom the stigmata were of a character never seen subsequently: in the wounds of feet and hands were excrescences of flesh representing nails, those on one side having round black heads, those on the other having rather long points, which bent back and grasped the skin." Gnarley, huh?




5. Who sang the line "I was young and foolish then and I'm old and foolish now"? (I've made a slight change to the lyrics so that it won't work if the quote is just plugged into Google.) Bonus Question: What was the slight change I made to the lyrics?
   
   

   The song is "Lucky Ball And Chain" by They Might Be Giants, and the exact lyric is "I was young and foolish then I feel old and foolish now".

<

There ya go!

Labels: Blogs, Trivial Matters

With apologies to MCF for the blatant rip-off, this is the debut of S.C.A.T. … the Southern Conservative's Astonishing Test.

I've noted and/or thought about a few trivial matters over the last few days and this is really just an excuse to post them without the post seeming like a pile of non sequiturs. If you want, see if you can answer any of these trivial questions, I'll post the answers in a few days whenever the mood strikes me.

1. What was significant about November 19, 1999? (By the way, 11/19/1999 was on a Friday, not that it matters.)



2. Robert Heinlein was the noted science fiction author behind classics such as Stranger In A Strange Land, Starship Troopers and The Puppet Masters. What novel did Heinlein praise as "possibly the finest science fiction novel I have ever read"?
   
   (I'm currently reading this novel, which is why Heinlein's appraisal has been on my mind.)



3. Buddy Ebsen was cast as the Scarecrow in The Wizard Of Oz, but surrendered the role to Ray Bolger when Bolger demanded the part. Ebsen was then recast as the Tin Man, but had to leave the production and wasn't in the film. Why wasn't Ebsen able to play the Tin Man?



4. Merriam Webster defines stigmata as bodily marks or pains resembling the wounds of the crucified Jesus and sometimes accompanying religious ecstasy. Stigmata is sometimes thought of as a uniquely Catholic phenomenon, although it isn't. In fact, the Roman Catholic Church only believes one reported instance of stigmata to be wholly verifiable. Upon who's body did that stigmata manifest? (Hint: It wasn't Padre Pio.)



5. Who sang the line "I was young and foolish then and I'm old and foolish now"? (I've made a slight change to the lyrics so that it won't work if the quote is just plugged into Google.) Bonus Question: What was the slight change I made to the lyrics?

I may do this again from time to time, I don't know. I'm sure I won't do this with anything like the reliability of MCF's M.C.F.A.T. Given my tendency to add and immediately forget about features at this blog, it's hard to guess what I'll do.)

Labels: Blogs, Trivial Matters

You guys know that I've been enthusiastic about a certain nonofficial political campaign. Well, many people say that the man himself might make a formal announcement in the next couple of days. Meanwhile, articles like the one below make me all the more enthusiastic:

Labels: Blogs, Humor

Just a few things that caught my attention as I surfed today:

• Hillary Clinton has been forced to stop using an image of Mother Teresa as a campaign tool:
  

  Sister Nirmala, the Superior General of the Missionaries of Charity, requested the Hillary for President campaign to stop using the image that appeared scandalously to link the abortion activist candidate with the order’s humble founder, who was renowned for her advocacy on behalf of the poor and helpless, especially the unborn.
  
  Since 2003, the name and all images of Mother Teresa have been protected by copyright by the Missionaries of Charity. On her deathbed Blessed Mother Teresa had asked her order to guard her name from opportunists who would attempt to use her to advance their own ends.

  
  Shameless opportunists like Hillary Clinton? Yep, exactly. I can think of one Teresa who's crazy enough to support Hillary's far-left agenda, but she ain't exactly a nun. HT: The Cafeteria Is Closed.



• Seven Golden Retriever puppies plus one cranky old cat equals a cuteness overload. HT: MCF.



• So my son comes home for the summer and tells me to watch this YouTube video that he saw at his friend's house:
  

  
  Oh, Lordy, Lordy, Lord. Lord.




• Cox And Forkum hit the nail on the head, as they usually do, with this summary of GOP immigration panic:
  

  




• Oh no!! My favorite dramatic prairie dog has gone over to the dark side! Look:
  




• Cube found a funny pic of Dubya eatin' a little … well …
  

  

  
  …things aren't exactly what they seem, of course…
  

  

  
  Turns out it was just a doctored version of a picture of the President on the campaign trail; kissing hands and shaking babies and eating corn.
  
  Though, of course, we all know that there really is one politician who'd do something like that.




• It ain't right … Lord knows it ain't right … but this picture posted by Waynus Maximus cracked me up:
  

  



• By the way, in case you missed it, Kristine made her biannual blog post the other day with one seriously creepy video.



• Global warming will make you itchy aaaaalllllllll over:
  

  Do you have a bad case of poison ivy? According to "The Early Show" you can blame that on those that drive SUV’s and cook on the grill. On the July 2 edition’s usually non-controversial "Health Watch" segment, host Harry Smith began the segment stating "scientists say [poison ivy] is worse than ever for a number of reasons, including global warming."

  
  Here's a tip to the earth-worshipers: Focus, focus, focus! If you want people to take global warming seriously, you're going to have to find your two or three most important points and hammer on them with authority, authenticity and honesty. If you continue with this global warming causes every bad thing nonsense, you'll never be a mainstream movement.
  
  There was a great article a couple of issues ago in the National Review about global warming and the conservative perspective about how to counter it (yes, conservatives do think about these things). I'll close with a few bits from that article for anyone who's interested:
  

  Let’s start with the facts. Why should we believe that rising concentrations of CO2 and other greenhouse gases are driving increases in global temperatures? Not because of liberal scaremongering, or the media’s fixation on every unusual weather event that comes along, but simply because of the underlying physics…
  
  Prior engagement on the topic would have enabled conservatives to have made more persuasively the case that a policy of rapid, aggressive emissions abatement would be a terrible idea. Even if we assume that current climate models are perfectly accurate, and we further ignore the gigantic practical problem that China and India — the dominant emitters of the 21st century — will almost certainly not go along, the core issue remains that the benefits are not remotely worth the costs…
  
  In the face of massive uncertainty on multiple fronts, the best strategy is almost always to hedge your bets and keep your options open. Wealth and technology are raw materials for options. The loss of economic and technological development that would be required to eliminate literally all theorized climate-change risk would cripple our ability to deal with virtually every other foreseeable and unforeseeable risk, not to mention our ability to lead productive and interesting lives in the meantime. The Precautionary Principle is a bottomless well of anxieties, but our resources are finite. It’s possible to buy so much flood insurance that you can’t afford fire insurance…
  
  This is why the spectacle of Al Gore and assorted members of the Hollywood and political smart set soulfully asking all of us how we’re ready to change our lives — while themselves living in 20,000-square-foot houses and traveling on private jets — is so politically resonant. Just as with the original limousine liberals, it’s not the hypocrisy per se that rankles the persuadable voters, as much as the observation that those who advocate this policy (of higher taxes to solve global warming) don’t really have to feel its effects…
  
  Global warming can feel like a loser political issue to conservatives — one in which the only objective is to minimize both political and economic damage. But by getting past denial and taking a science-based approach to the issue, a clever candidate could take a principled stand that pays major tactical dividends. Global warming can be the first wedge issue of the 21st century.

Labels: Blogs, News, Politics, You Tube

It's the seventeenth installment of the McFAT, MCF's question and answer test for fellow bloggers.

1) What was the first swear word you learned?
(You can, of course choose to censor your answer.)

I vividly remember an incident from my childhood when I swore in front of a large group of adults, although I thought at the time that I wasn't swearing. It all comes down to context:

When I was a kid, my parents, who were Christian fundamentalists, took my sister and I to church regularly. I remember begging them at some point when I was about six to let me start attending "grown-up church" with them instead of going to the kids' sermon. Eventually they gave in.

I remember being amazed once I started hearing the grown-up sermons at how much cussin' the preacher usually did. Specifically, he used the word hell very frequently. I'd always thought of hell as a swear word since I'd typically only heard it used as an expletive, followed by instructions not to repeat what I'd heard said. So I was quite concerned about all the cussin' that our preacher was doing.

I remember asking my mom about it and I remember her explaining to me that it was OK for the preacher to say hell because he was actually talking about hell and not swearing. Well, the concept of context was lost on me. All I came away from that conversation with was it's OK to say hell.


Fast forward about a week or so to a hot summer day at my grandmother's house. I'd been outside playing with my cousins and I came inside and informed everyone that it was "hotter than all hell" outside. A hush filled the room. I was instructed to quit cussin' and I'm willing to bet I got spanked in the bargain.

This was my first lesson in context. What I learned was this: Never trust grown-ups.

2) If you could have a functioning version of any comic book character's accessory or vehicle, which would you choose and why?

The Tumbler. Nothing else is close. Now, I suppose I might be fudging the answer here a bit because the Tumbler is actually a cinematic reimagining of the Batmobile, but I still have to go with it. There's just nothing cooler. Man, how awesome would it be to have that thing? Of course, I'd get all kinds of tickets for the way I'd drive it. Now, wait, scratch that. The cops could never stop me in the Tumber. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha!

3) What is your least favorite exercise?

I don't like the part where you get off the couch and do stuff.

4) Can you keep a secret?

Wouldn't YOU like to know.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: What is my middle name?
(I probably won't answer this one, but it will be fun to see what people say...)

Well, the two most common American male middle names are David and Wayne. I'd like to hedge my bets and guess both of them, but I suppose I'm supposed to guess one name … so I'll combine them and guess that MCF's middle name is Wayvid. Michael Wayvid Whorenelli. For Senate.

Labels: Blogs

I think I might take film geeks down soon. Wendy has lost all interest in blogging, and assures me that she'll likely never blog again, at least not at film geeks. I haven't had the drive to write reviews for film geeks in a long time. The heavy metal blog I started a while back is languishing, too. I've learned about myself that I will occasionally get the urge to start new blog x, convinced that it will be a fun hobby, and then I lose interest as soon as I've set it up.

Wendy and I saw two good movies over the last several days. Right now we don't have any of our kids, so we've had the chance to see some movies we'd otherwise not get to see.

1408 turned out to be a pretty good, somewhat scary horror film. Have you noticed, by the way, that the best horror movies of the last several years have been PG-13 films? The R rated horror films are all gore and gratuitous nonsense. The horror films that actually involve good acting and interesting stories end up rated PG-13. 1408 is a good example of that trend, like The Exorcism Of Emily Rose and Signs and The Sixth Sense. John Cusack pulled of a compelling performance, which was pretty important in a film that amounted to a one-man show about regret and redemption. I'd give 1408 three out of five stars. It's nice to see that there are still people in Hollywood who realize the difference between genuinely frightening stories and pointless gorefests.

The movie I have to enthusiastically recommend, though, is Knocked Up. Oh, it's not for everyone. There is a fair amount of raunchy humor, the movie earns it's R rating. This is the new film from the folks who made The 40 Year Old Virgin. Knocked Up kept us laughing for the whole duration of the film, and the story was really enjoyable. The best thing about the movie is that the characters were all likable people who were celebrated in the film for doing the right thing. They weren't perfect people, and some of them had to make major changes over the course of the film, but they were believable and likable characters. Without realizing it, I found myself really rooting for them, hoping that the story would treat them well. The story was about a guy and a girl who managed to get themselves pregnant on a one-night stand, and then were faced with the difficulty of doing the right thing over the next nine months.

I really enjoyed the film, and not just because it was funny. The two main characters never considered abortion, and the people in their lives who suggested abortion were portrayed as immature, selfish or just plain mean. Instead of aborting the child for convenience's sake, the new mom and pop decided to try the old fashioned thing; getting together for the kid's sake and trying to make it work. It might seem unbelievable to some people that something like that is even possible, but it really played believably in Knocked Up. It isn't that far fetched, after all; I mean, two people who share the same priorities when it comes to the really important stuff already have a head-start on other couples. I liked both of the main characters a lot, and Seth Rogan, the slacker Albert Brooks of his generation, is emerging as an unlikely but highly likable movie star. As a film that kept me laughing and just generally made me happy all the way through, I have to give Knocked Up five out of five stars.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, Personal

First of all, let me say that I think that the challenge of this meme is really hard. Unseen has done it, MCF has done it twice, and in all three instances I found myself thinking I could guess the answers, only to be wrong ... and then found myself shouting "DOH!" when I saw some of the correct answers and realized I should have gotten them all along. Especially Darren Aronofsky's Pi, a favorite film of mine which Unseen gave us a lot of hints for and which I still couldn't get.

I'm just not good with stuff like this. Give me even one keyword and my mind wanders all over the place.

Anyway, here's how it works: I go to IMDb and look up ten of my favorite films. I provide the IMDB's keywords for the movies, and you have to guess what the films are. And for those of you who, like me, find this frustratingly hard, I'm going for fairly obvious keywords. Leave your guesses in the comments. Ready? Go.

• #10: Mafia, Cocaine, Person in car trunk, Foot blown off, New York


• #09: Iraq, Satan, Child in peril, Fall down stairs, Dispair


• #08: Orphan, Farmer, Underdog, Friendship, Character name in title


• #07: Graphic violence, Omaha Beach, Loss of brother, War, English teacher


• #06: All male cast, Real estate agent, Vulgarity, Employee theft, Based on play


• #05: Black comedy, Political satire, US President, Pentagon, Soda machine


• #04: Alabama, Brother & sister relationship, Lawyer, Single father, First day of school


• #03: Cricket bat, Stonehenge, Military base, Graceland, Spontaneous Combustion


• #02: Fight the system, Defiance, Cigarettes, Nurse, Lobotomy


• #01: Widower, Revenge, Prostitute, One last job, See you in hell

I hope someone finds this as entertaining as I found it difficult. ;)

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, Memes

No posts for a while; I have a lot of overtime to work over the next four days. I'll be back to my regular annoying self somewhere around May 21.

Labels: Blogs, Personal

It's time for another edition of MCF's Perilous! As always, he provides the answers and we have to figure out what questions he's looking for. His answers, followed by my guesses at the questions, are below:

1. 6.66.

If hell freezes over, what will the temperature be?

2. “No, I want to be a father!”

Do you want to be a mother?

3. Mystery Sock.

Who was the star of MCF's failed puppet show?

4.Eleanor.
Which member of the Roosevelt family does MCF always refer to as "The bootylicious one?"

5. My frisbee.

What does MCF serve dip in when he throws a party?

6. As a reminder.

After deciding to live life with "no regrets," why did MCF get the tattoos in the picture to the right?

7. William Devane.

Which actor does Darrell occasionally confuse with Willem Dafoe?

8. Giddy.

What comes before "up?"

9. My own helicopter.

From what vantage point is it safest to throw water balloons?

10. Tim Minear

Who's worked on a whole bunch of TV shows that MCF watches?

The other day, MCF posted his answers to an age-old blog meme, this one involving a number of common questions which the blogger has to answer with the names of songs by one band or artist. I've done this meme before, and since MCF's answers involved song titles by my favorite band, I decided to change things up a bit. Instead of answering the questions with song names, I decided to answer the questions with snippets of lyrics from my all time favorite rock album.

Ten SouthCon bonus points, which can be redeemed for absolutely nothing, will be awarded to everyone who correctly identifies the album:

1. What is your occupation?

...the cross I'm bearing home is indicative of my place...

2. What color are your socks right now?

...something that mommy wouldn't wear...

3. What was the last thing that you ate?

...the air I tasted...

4. What are you afraid of?

...how quick the sun can drop away...

5. Favorite drink?

...I'll ride the wave where it takes me...

6. Pets?

...we unleashed a lion...

7. Favorite food?

...lemon yellow sun...

8. Favorite day of the year?

...on the edge of a Christmas clean love...

9. What do you do to vent anger?

...I got a bomb in my temple and it's gonna explode...

10. What is on the floor of your closet?

...sheets of empty canvas...

11. What did you do last night?

...bit the recess lady's breast...

12. What inspires you?

...ponders his maker, ponders his will...

13. If you were a crayon, what color would you be?

...all the pictures have all been washed in black...

Labels: Blogs

Look what I found, a neat little generator that turns real pictures into pictures made entirely of text.

This might be a fun tool for other bloggers who post lots of pics. Of course, B13 comes to mind, and Lorna often posts pics, too.

I started to e-mail this to MCF as a suggestion for the next Phantasmic Links, but I got greedy and decided to link to it myself. Besides, maybe we can all join in and harass him into posting a textified picture of himself? Maybe?

Labels: Blogs, Links

Lorna, MCF, B13, Rey, now me ... it's becoming a regular meme.

And thanks to the Unseen Blogger, I found out that I suck:

Labels: Blogs, Memes, Personal

I wouldn't blame anyone who called me an outright liar when I claim that I'm really trying to keep my blogroll from growing beyond manageability, as it has done in the past. I just keep coming across good stuff and I keep adding it.

Three new blogs go in today. One of them is from MCF's blogroll, which isn't surprising. There are quite a few good blogs there, and three of them are by bloggers who know MCF in real life. I've been reading Rey and Jerry for a while now, and for the past several weeks I've been enjoying B13, too. His photo-intensive blog is a lot of fun, and among the things I've enjoyed there have been a recent picture of the real Amityville Horror house, a bit of harmless but profane vandalism, and the surest way to my heart, a lovable dog.

Then there are two new daily reads at the National Review, too … and I enjoy them both. One is Planet Gore, dedicated to the former VP and his obsession with "climate change." Then there's the Hillary Spot, where the good folks at NR keep an eye on the Great Satan.

Read them, read them all.

And if you're interested in the upcoming Nine Inch Nails album, you might enjoy my most recent post at MegaMetal. Trent Reznor has apparently authorized the creation of a number of high-concept websites to promote the new album. Year Zero is apparently going to be an abstract "concept" album about government conspiracies and the end of the world, and the new promotional websites are creepy, interesting and fun.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment, Links

I couldn't come up with answers (or, rather, questions) for MCF's previous Perilous! Read this blog entry and you might feel that I couldn't come up with anything for the current edition of Perilous! either.


1. That’s much too long.

Why hasn't MCF read Green Eggs And Ham?

2. Using a nail and surprising simian-like agility.

By what method does Jerry hang pictures?

3. “Not the bang!”

What did MCF say when the barber prepared to cut the hair above his eyes?

4. A job.

What ruins an otherwise lovely weekday?

5. Forget anyone else is there.

If you have terrible gas on a crowded bus, what's the best thing to do?

6. Because he’s so dark and likes dirty laundry.

Why does MCF refer to B13 as "Dark Dirty Laundry Boy?"

7. Two wheels.

What is the only thing that MCF's bike lacks to make it the coolest bike on the street?

8. He might not.

If MCF challenged Rey to a dance-off, would he take the challenge seriously?

9. It’s the first gig of the season.

If Google Image Search can be trusted, what's going on in the picture to the right?

10. At a student art exhibit in college.

Where did MCF first display this remarkable expressionist self portrait?

Labels: Blogs

Hat tip to the Cubicle Reverend, who found this fun, funny and informative little ecumenical "conversation" about the nature of Lent.

Labels: Blogs, Faith

I saw this as a meme at a blog I was reading earlier. It's kinda cool. Go to You Tube and type the year you were born into the search bar, and then post a few of the videos at your blog.

I found some neat stuff from my birth year, 1969.

Here's a truly weird commercial for the truly sweet '68 Mustang:

You're not gonna find a bigger Johnny Cash fan than yours truly, here ... and I enjoyed the following clip from 1968 of Johnny performing Ring Of Fire on TV with the Tennessee Three and the Carters (I'm pretty sure) on background vocals. Nonetheless, Johnny was clearly hopped up on some kind of pills. Note the way his hand jump all over that guitar, doing everything except playing the darn thing:

How about the Red Soviet Army, showing off a bit in Moscow?

It's no secret that I'm not a John Lennon fan, and this '68 clip is as good a bit of evidence as any as to why I don't like the guy. These words, coming from Lennon, would probably be touted by most as brilliant ... but put Mike Myers in a shag wig and have him deliver these same words with the same accent and people would realize that it's pure comedy: "Don't write pop songs and do that and do that, everything you do is the same thing, so do it the same way."

Even 38 years ago, drugs were baaaad neeeews, man. About a minute in you'll see a woman holding a spray-paint can and a cigarette, dancing. She is easily the most wonderful human being I've ever seen.

Labels: Blogs, Johnny Cash, Links, Memes, You Tube

MCF posted this meme. As a pretty verbose guy, I considered it a challenge. The concept is simple ... presented with thirty-five questions, I have to answer them, limiting myself to one-word answers.

1. Where is your cell phone?
Coat.

2. Your girlfriend?
Wife.

3. Your hair?
Thinning.

4. Your mother?
Workaholic.

5. Your father?
Dead.

6. Your favorite thing?
Music.

7. Your dream last night?
Fear.

8. Your favorite drink?
Coffee.

9. What?
Huh?

10. The room you're in?
Family.

11. Your ex?
Buddy.

12. Your fears?
Unemployment.

13. What do you want to be in 10 years?
Better.

14. Who did you hang out with last night?
Family.

15. What you're not?
Elitist.

16. Muffins?
Sure.

17. One of your wish list items?
Truck.

18. Where you grew up?
Virginia.

19. The last thing you did?
Play.

20. What are you wearing?
Clothes.

21. Your TV?
On.

22. Your pet?
Dogs.

23. Your computer?
Aging.

24. Your life?
Aging.

25. Your mood?
Relaxed.

26. Missing?
Nah.

27. What are you thinking about right now?
Visit.

28.Your car?
Van.

29. Your personality?
Curmudgeon.

30. Your Summer?
Gardenless.

31. Your relationship status?
Wed.

32. Your favorite color?
Black.

33. When is the last time you laughed?
Moments.

34. Last time you cried?
Stress.

35. School?
Please.

Labels: Blogs, Memes, Personal

Oh, man, I've been so busy.

This week has been bad, but last week was overwhelming. Last week, all in a matter of days, I

• checked into rehab and back out again in an hour


• shaved my head


• got a couple of new tattoos


• checked back into rehab and back out again the next morning


• beat up a Vanilla Ice wannabe's car with an umbrella


• checked back into rehab


• smoked about seventy packs of cigarettes

Oh, no, wait. That wasn't me. That was someone else. Nonetheless, I did have a busy week, with overtime at work and lots to keep me busy at home. I've had little time to blog, making me the second-most delinquent blogger I can think of.

Tonight was the first time I had a chance to just sit down and read blogs and stuff in a long time. I caught up on all my regular haunts and learned some stuff:

Prince Charles is concerned about the health of his fellow Brits and he wants to help them get rid of that pesky thinking-for-themselves problem. Charles wants to ban McDonalds. In the picture to the right, Prince Charles seems to be pointing at a hamburger and crying. I'm not sure what to say about that.

Speaking of fast food … did you know that KFC now sells a fried fish sandwich, and that they want the Pope to bless it so that Catholics will buy it on Fridays during Lent? No kidding. And that makes sense. When I think about the 40 deeply reverent and penitent days of Lent, observed to remember the 40 days that Christ spent fasting in the desert, three words come to mind:

Fast Food Marketing.

Oh, yeah … have you heard the one about the Puerto Rican who claimed he was Jesus? The Burr In The Burgh has, and it ain't no joke. It's real. This guy claims he's Jesus and that he's the antichrist. And his followers are getting 666 tattoos to show their devotion. Creepy? You bet.

While I'm on the subject of the Lord, it's probably no surprise that Catholics aren't buying the Discovery Channel's notion that the tomb of Christ has been found by a movie director. What does surprise me, though, is that even the mainstream media sees this as quite unlikely. This seems to be one of those instances where science has been manipulated to reach a predetermined conclusion. Yeah, this might be the tomb of a Jesus … but there's no reason to believe that it's the tomb of the Jesus.

Oh, and speaking of those who manipulate science to reach predetermined conclusions, Al Gore won an Oscar for his sci-fi movie about how the planet is melting. Ooooh, scary, scary. Bad, bad global warming. Yaaaaawn. Look, here's the thing … there's just no way to know what to believe about global warming. The leftists, the prophets of doom, are juggling numbers like madmen, trying to come up with "scientific evidence" of global warming. Meanwhile, their ideological opponents on the right are likely doing much of the same thing. Although much of the evidence presented by the right … such as these nine facts about global warming from the Lavoisier group… seems pretty reasonable. I tend to agree with Michael Crichton when he asserts that global warming is just one more mania put forth by people who practice environmentalism as a religion.

There is, of course, all the scientific proof in the world that unborn babies are people … but now and then it's nice to see a story like this one, which simply argues the case on a common sense level: A baby born after only 22 weeks in the womb is doing well and hopefully headed home soon. 22 weeks? Hmmmm ... don't the pro-abortionists argue that a fetus only 22 weeks old isn't a person yet?

Have you heard about the Blasphemy Challenge, issued by Pennsylvania's Rational Response Squad? The challenge works like this: Go to You Tube and prove your atheism by posting a video of yourself blaspheming the Holy Spirit. Just say "I deny the Holy Spirit," which (some think) the Bible says is a one way ticket to Hell. Lots of people have done it. Only one problem: Blasphemy against the Holy Spirit is a heavy theological concept that involves significantly more than simply uttering the phrase "I deny the Holy Spirit." Pastor David Williams got a kick out of all of these self-proclaimed "atheists" and their limited understanding of what it is to commit blasphemy against the Holy Spirit, and he posted a parody video at You Tube. Guess what? You Tube deemed his video offensive and removed it. No kidding. He's since reposted it at Google Video, and it's embedded below if you'd like to see if you think it's offensive. Personally, I thought it was funny and witty … but then again, I do agree with it:

If there's one internet source that I can rely on to keep an eye on Hillary as well as The National Review's Hillary Spot, it's probably Cube's blog. I read Cube a bit ago and she caught me up on the latest shenanigans between Obama and Hillary. I'd say I'm rooting for Obama, but the truth is, the more I learn about him, the less I like him. Thomas Sowell put a strong spotlight on Obama's poor understanding of what labor unions really do to the American workplace (hint: it ain't good), and I've recently read some ugly instances of his playing the race card. The ugliest example, though, was a silly quip from his wife: When asked if she worried that Barack might be the target of an assassination attempt, she responded

"… the realities are that, you know, as a black man, you know, Barack can get shot going to the gas station…"

Well, not to get snippy … but the last time I remember anybody getting randomly shot at places like gas stations, there were a couple of black guys on the delivery end of the gun.

If the Obama campaign keeps up this kind of thing, to go along with the candidate's flip flopping (HT: Unseen Blogger), maybe ol' Hillary won't have to worry about those nasty polls for much longer.

Besides, as Scrappleface points out, Al Gore's "climate change" plays to Hillary's favor, anyway.

Oh, yeah, one last thing ... While I was away, somebody left a comment at my second blog entry about the folks at the Metro Who's Who. The comment simply said

All you southern hicks speak like you are retards

Hmmm. Such eloquence. Such a wonderfully expressive economy of words. I wondered .. could this comment have been left by my pal Cyndi? I checked the stats for the blog and found that the comment was from someone with the following specifics:

Wow. That's right down the road from the Metro Who's Who's offices. Coincidence? You be the judge.

Labels: Blogs, Links, News, Politics

You may have read an entry I posted on January 16th about a letter I'd received from the Metropolitan Who's Who, informing me that I was being considered for inclusion in the Metropolitan Who's Who "Honor's Edition." As I'm sure you'd expect, I was elated to get that piece of steaming news in the mail. I'd say that my level of joy was on the same level of Navin R. Johnson's when he said

The new phone book's here! The new phone book's here! … Page 73 - Johnson, Navin R.! I'm somebody now! Millions of people look at this book everyday! This is the kind of spontaneous publicity - your name in print - that makes people. I'm in print! Things are going to start happening to me now.

Of course, I immediately wrote about my elation here at the blog, so imagine my surprise when I got this e-mail yesterday:

Darrell,

This is now my final attempt to contact you regarding your web blog on Metropolitan Who's Who.

http://darwen.us/southcon/2007/01/whos-what.html

If you do not immediately take down all content and links regarding this blog we will proceed with legal action.

We have already contacted Covington Mill where you work in Packaging Resources. We will subpoena all the computers and their files with regards to your blogging activity. I am very certain that Covington Mill will not take this matter lightly.

Bellow see attorney letter sent on January 17 as an example of what will become part of our action against you and Covington Mill.

Regards,

Cyndi Jeffus

The information contained in this transmission is intended for the named receiver only.
The transmission may contain privileged and confidential material.
Please be advised that any use, dissemination, posting, or unauthorized copying of the materials is strictly prohibited.

Prohibited by who, I wondered. By the CIA? By H&R Block? The NFL? And why would the first e-mail I received from Ms. Jeffus also be the last? I didn't know … but I didn't have much time to ponder it, because immediately below the e-mail from Cyndi Jeffus I read the following example of a letter from an attorney:

Southern Conservative

http://darwen.us/southcon/2007/01/whos-what.html

RE: Demand to Cease and Desist and Retract Libel

Dear Darrell:

It has come to the attention of Metropolitan Who’s Who (“Metropolitan”) that you have posted statements on your website at http://darwen.us/southcon/2007/01/whos-what.html

(the “Website”) which contain false information that is defamatory to Metropolitan. You have made these statements maliciously to injure the reputation of Metropolitan in its trade and profession. This letter constitutes a demand for the immediate and complete removal of these false and libelous statements including all references to Metropolitan from your Website within 2 calendar days of receipt of this letter.

Your statements and conduct on the Website also constitute interference with prospective business and contractual relations of Metropolitan. As such, they are actionable and expose you to the imposition of compensatory as well as punitive damages.

Your failure to remove your defamatory and malicious statements and their repetition after this notice of their falsehood constitutes further publication of libel. It also confirms your malicious intent.

Please note that this letter does not constitute a complete or exhaustive statement of all of Metropolitan’s rights or claims. Metropolitan takes this matter very seriously and accordingly, we have engaged our legal counsel to investigate this matter further.

If you do not immediately and completely remove these defamatory statements and references to Metropolitan, and cease and desist from interference with Metropolitan’s business and contractual relations including, without limitation, making false and malicious comments about Metropolitan within 2 calendar days of receipt of this letter, we will direct our corporate legal counsel to seek judicial intervention to protect Metropolitan’s rights. If Metropolitan is forced to file suit to stop your wrongful conduct, it will, in addition to seeking compensatory and punitive damages, also seek an award of its attorney fees and litigation expenses.
We expect you will remove any and all reference to Metropolitan on your Website immediately to avoid the possibility of litigation and that you will confirm such removal via e-mail or in writing.

Very Truly Yours,

Metropolitan Who’s Who

Eeeek! Would this become a part of my permanent file?? As you might imagine, I was quaking in my boots.

I looked around the net frantically and saw that at least one other blogger has voiced his wry amusement at having received a form letter from this same organization, and that Cyndi Jeffus had left him a comment asking him to contact her. Of course, she did manage to get his name wrong in her comment… his name is Mark, but she called him Lisa, the name of the woman who'd signed the form letter he received.

Then I calmed down and thought about it. The first thing that caught my attention was that the example of a letter from an attorney was put together better than Cyndi's e-mail. It didn't have, for example, font faces that changed mid sentence. Could it have been from an actual attorney? It's possible.

Or could it simply be that Office 2007 now features Letter From An Attorney as one of it's templates?

I went back and re-read my post about the letter I'd received, unsolicited, from the Metropolitan Who's Who. What had I written that could possibly be libelous? I had no idea. The only person I'd really made fun of in the post was myself. You can read it here.

Then an idea hit me: Could it be that the Metropolitan Who's Who is concerned about their image? Could it be that they don't want people to find out that a peon like me, a common physical laborer, had somehow ended up on their mailing list? Might that yank the rug out from under the pretense that they are some sort of respectable networking resource for people who … oh, I dunno … don't regularly get grease in their hair while they're at work? Hmmmmmm…..

I mean, really. It's not like I wrote that the Metropolitan Who's Who is a transparent, predatory sham that feeds off the naïve insecurities of the self-employeed. I wouldn't write something like that. And it's not like I wrote something frivolous and irresponsible, such as the entire staff of the Metropolitan Who's Who is a bunch of fascist, pagan crackheads!! I'd never in a million years write something like that. After all, in the words of Pink Floyd, "I've always had a deep respect, and I mean that most sincerely!"

So after about 12 seconds of careful consideration, I wrote back to Cyndi Jeffus:

Hi, Cyndi,

Thank you for your correspondence. It made my day. I enjoyed the the variety of font faces you used, some of which changed mid-sentence . I also enjoyed the examples of "legalese" you attempted. Many of the words you used were spelled correctly. Good for you! However, I'm particularly amused by your claim that I've made "false and libelous statements" about the Metropolitan Who's Who. Please send me a list of the exact statements on my blog that concern you … I have no intentions of taking down my blog entry about the first letter I received from the Metropolitan Who's Who. Beyond that, I intend to write a blog entry about this e-mail exchange as well. If you really believe that there's anything "false and libelous" about my blog entry, please feel free to proceed with what you consider to be the proper legal course of action.

In the meantime, please allow me to correct a few errors in your recent e-mail to me.

You wrote "This is now my final attempt to contact you regarding your web blog on Metropolitan Who's Who." In fact, I do not maintain a "web blog" about "Metropolitan Who's Who." As a hobby, I keep a "web log" or "blog," where I write about movies, politics, religion, and personal experiences. One of the personal experiences I chose to write about was the letter I received from your organization. If you didn't want people to publicly mention that your organization has contacted them, you shouldn't send unsolicited mail to strangers.

You also wrote "We have already contacted Covington Mill where you work..." In fact, my employer is not called "Covington Mill." Nor is my employer relevant to my blog, my personal hobby. I do not write to my blog while I'm at work, nor do I have the resources to do so while on the job. I write and post entries to my blog at home. If, however, you really have contacted my employer about my blog, I'm certain that my employer found your concerns to be a minor and trivial annoyance.

As I said before, I intend to write a blog entry about this correspondence, and any further e-mail I receive from your agency. I've said nothing malicious or libelous about your organization, and I invite any attempts you might make to prove the contrary in a US court. I can't imagine, however, that your case will ever be heard.

You may wish to read up a bit on the reality of liability law in the US.

With the warmest regards,
Darrell Loudermilk

And that might have settled the matter after a brief mention here, but it gets better…

This woman wrote an e-mail to my wife at her college e-mail account demanding that she try to talk me into deleting my blog post about her organization! I mean, the nerve! Isn't that creepy??! It's like some sort of cyber-stalking situation. I get these images in my head of Annie Welks from Misery, sitting at her computer, pounding away on the keyboard and screaming "Take down the cockadoodie blog post!!" Wendy, for her part, was really creeped out by the e-mail.

So I wrote back again and told her not to bother us any more or I'd consider it harassment.

Then, I went to work this morning and I got a call from one of our big-wigs, the guy who I believe is in charge of security. He's a good guy, he's been helpful to me in the past, and he was friendly but a bit perplexed as he explained to me that he'd received a call from the Metropolitan Who's Who asking about me. So I explained the whole deal to him and I think it's safe to say that he found it amusing. I asked him if I needed to be worried about my job, and he told me that everything was fine. At least I think that's what he told me. He was laughing pretty damn hard by this point. Like I said, he really got a kick out of the whole debacle.

So after a little more careful consideration, I've decided to stand my ground. No, I won't take down my original blog post. There wasn't a damn thing wrong with what I wrote. Nor will I take down this blog post. And I'll tell you why:

(This next part goes over best if you quietly hum the "Battle Hymn of the Republic" to yourself as you read it, and imagine me as Otter in Animal House.)

The United States of America was founded on a number of principles… and among them was the Freedom of Speech, as described in the First Amendment of the Constitution. No, Freedom of Speech doesn't guarantee everyone the right to just say any fool thing that pops into their head. You can't, for example, run into a crowded firehouse and yell "Movie!" You can, however, publicly voice your opinion about any organization in the world. Especially if that organization has sent you an unsolicited invitation to join their ranks, and especially if you don't accuse that organization of being a fly-by-night fraudulent joke.

This freedom to express ourselves is fundamental. This is what George Jefferson had in mind when he wrote the Declaration of Incontinence. This is one of the freedoms that General Norman Schwarzkopf was defending when he fought the Japs at Little Big Horn. This is a basic element of life in the US of A, and it's as American as mock apple pie, coked up baseball players and the Toyota Corolla.

I think that the importance of the First Amendment can best be illustrated in this story about Eustace P. "Bud" Mooney, an old man I used to work with. Bud misted up as he told me this story one night during a long shift, and I remember getting a chill as I realized that he really was going to talk to me all night. I'll now pass this story on to you, dear reader, with the hopes that it'll help you appreciate the greatness of our nation.

In order to protect his anonymity, I'm not going to refer to him by his real name, which is Eustace P. "Bud" Mooney. Instead, I'll refer to him by a completely fake name I've just made up; Senator Charles "Bud" Schumer.

Anyway, it seems that Senator Bud happened to find himself one evening in the quaint little hamlet of Lewisburg, West Virginia, where he happened to be raving drunk in a parking-lot. Now, normally, Senator Bud was a quiet man, some even considered him timid. But on this particular night he'd had a fight with his wife and she'd left him in the parking-lot, and this situation was complicated by the fact that he was raving drunk and, I'm sorry to say, partially disrobed.

Well, the denizens of Lewisburg, West Virginia are charming, laid- back people, and some of them happened to pass the parking-lot that Senator Bud was in while they were out for evening walks. Many of these passers-by expressed obvious contempt for Senator Bud, some even going so far as to spit on the ground and call him a "hooligan." This upset Senator Bud, and although he's normally a bashful, retiring man, he began to use his freedom of speech to voice his displeasure with the people around them. He called several of them names and swore at them, and accused at least one of them of having had a highly inappropriate relationship with his own mother. After only a few minutes of this, the Lewisburg police showed up and arrested Senator Bud, taking him to the town jail where he was placed in a cell with a one-armed man who was not as drunk as the Senator and was, therefore, capable of beating Senator Bud quite severely with the Senator's own shoe.

Senator Bud had used his freedom of speech and had learned a lesson for it. With tears in his eyes, he told me that after that night he'd never once in his life been drunk again.

In public.

In Lewisburg, West Virginia.

Now, you may be asking yourself "What the hell does any of that have to do with the First Amendment?" To be honest with you, I'm not sure. I can't remember what my point was. I'm not even sure that I had one. I think what's important here is that, even though I'm currently rambling incoherently, the freedom to do so is protected by the First Amendment of the Constitution of the United States.

Just ask General Schwarzkopf.

And with that we've come full circle, gentle reader. Thank you for your time and consideration. As I said, I do not intend to take down my post about the Metropolitan Who's Who, and I stand by everything I've written. Cyndi Jeffus is just going to have to deal with that. I think she has a great deal to learn about what it means to be an American. Not that I encourage any of you to write to her at cyndi@metroexec.net and tell her so.

Labels: Blogs, Humor, Personal

MCF's most recent edition of Perilous! is up. Once again, he provides the answers and we have to figure out the questions.

1. A one-inch vertical scar.

What is the aftermath of a one-inch vertical cut?

2. Fat Albert.

Hey hey hey, it's who?

3. Initially, I was convinced there were two different actresses.

How many actress did you think there were, initially?

4. “Can you dig it?”

What's the best song on PWEI's '89 album?

5. 0100100001101111 (etc)

What binary code is so long it messed up MCF's blog, causing it to increase exponentially in horizontal size?

6. Donald Sutherland.

What actor did Darrell originally hope to see cast as Magneto in the X-Men movie before Sir Ian McKellen got the role and performed amazingly?

7. A rap battle.

How do MCF and Jerry typically settle their parking-space disputes before work each morning?

8. Because he's just that white.

And why does MCF always lose those battles?

9. “Ice Ice Baby, to go, to go...”

And what's MCF's best rap freestyle line so far?

10. You would explode on contact.

And what would happen if I got too close to MCF while he was "beat-boxing?"

11. Mash up leaves in a plastic bucket full of water.

What's MCF's recipe for "Hate Casserole?"

12. His black costume.

What iconic element of his history will Spidey finally get in the third Spider-Man movie?

13. A room full of college girls in their underwear.

What's better than a room full of NASCAR drivers wearing teddies?

14. No, I'm 98% sure that she already knows that story...

Have you ever told your mother about the day you were born?

15. They would be stone by day.

Why weren't the Gargoyles warriors during the daytime?

16. Terminator 3.

In which movie featuring a starring performance by Kristanna Loken does the actress deliver all of her dialogue in the first 25 minutes?

17. He was there to show kids people like him could be handicapable, and to explain alien technology to aliens.

What did MCF think his job entailed on his first day at work?

18. The dimwitted son of a garbage man.

What blogger recently posted a very funny clip from Saturday Night Live?

19. It was impossible to land.

Why didn't you land?

20. To get an “Innie”.

What is MCF's secret lifelong dream?

Note to self: Never go to MCF's for dinner on casserole night.

Labels: Blogs, Personal

I hadn't intended to mention this here for a while, but I screwed up the other day and posted a comment at another blog while I was logged on with the wrong profile … and then made a bumbling attempt at an explanation … so, anyway …

I've started another blog, where I'll post stuff about one of my life-long interests and hobbies, heavy metal music. I'll be posting there with at least one other blogger and maybe a few others. It's just kind of a loose, fun thing, as is befitting the topic.

I've started this second blog because I abso-friggin-lutely love heavy metal music and I feel drawn to write about it, from one angle or another, from time to time. I love metal. I grew up on it. I was a teenager in the '80's, during the height of metal's popularity, and I've never stopped enjoying it. I don't think I ever will. I'm sure I'll spend the rest of my life reading comic books, playing video games, and crankin' up the metal. I've written about metal here in the past, but I've always felt that those SouthCon entries have stuck out like a sore thumb.

For one thing, this blog is mainly devoted to family life and my religious and political opinions … so posts about Metallica and the like tend to seem out of place here.

For another thing, metal just doesn't seem to interest the few folks who've been kind enough to make a habit of checking this blog. It makes sense for me to try to keep that particular interest segregated and try to build something separate with it.

Beyond that, there's the issue of vulgarity.

As you may or may not know, vulgar language is fairly common place in the world of heavy metal. Metal bands and metal fans tend toward a course manner of speech that wouldn't be appropriate at the same blog where I post about my family and my religious faith. Now, this is not to say that I'll be using vulgar language at my other blog, I won't consciously write differently there than I do here. But if I quote song lyrics or quote from an interview, I'll not be compelled to censor the language the way I would at SouthCon.

And, if you're interested, here's where I stand on the matter of vulgarity: It really doesn't bother me. I'm more interested in context and intent than I am in words themselves, and I'm more offended by a bad idea expressed well than I am by an innocuous expression roughly phrased.

As far as the "satanic" element of metal goes, here's the thing: Bands like Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Marilyn Manson, etc., have to a large extent built their careers around the ability to freak people out. That's part of the attraction for some of their fans. However, when you examine the actual lyrical content of their music, you'll find that it's harmless. It's typically just b-grade horror movies stuff, and I'd be far more comfortable with my kids listening to that than I would if they were listening to music that actually encouraged alcohol abuse (like lots of country music) violence (like most hip hop) and sexual promiscuity (just turn on the radio).

Now, there are a few bands out there who really do despise Christianity. Some of them write lyrics that I just can't take seriously, and while I wouldn't play them around my kids, I still enjoy their music for the sake of their well played songs (for instance, Slayer.) Then there are bands who write anti-Christian lyrics that really bug me … I guess because they argue their case better, or because they attack Christianity on philosophical grounds. Some of those bands have a sound that I really enjoy, but I don't listen to them because the lyrics bug me too much. A great example would be the very talented but horribly negative band called Lamb of God.

Most of the metal that I listen to, however, features positive, honest, smart lyrical content. I'm thinking about the last two Tool albums, and about Killswitch Engage, and like POD, and like Anthrax and Metallica and, yes, Iron Maiden. I'd be happy to discuss those bands' lyrics with my priest, my kids, my mom or anyone. I might need to censor an f-word here or an s-word there, but the content, the context is what matters, and those bands express ideas that I support and/or agree with.

So, anyway, there it is. I'll write my metal stuff there, and I'll write my other stuff here.

Labels: Blogs, Entertainment

MCF is Perilous again.

1. From toxic waste.

From what did the Toxic Avenger draw his powers?

2. Toes.

What makes this webpage so creepy?

3. I kept flashing the biggest, cheesiest teeth-displaying smile I could after each reading.

Why did you keep going back to that old lady who reads palms?

4. Future Ted tells his kids to practice abstinence before marriage, while present Ted was sleeping with a girlfriend who had yet to tell him she loved him.

What made time travel so ironic and unpredictable for Senator Kennedy?

5. George Takei.

What's more disturbing, George Takei or this picture, which came up when I entered the word "disturbing" into Google image search?

6. 24.

At what age do most people begin to realize their potential?

7. 30.

And at what age is that potential gone forever if they haven't maximized it, leaving them downtrodden and prone to write weepy, self-pitying blog entries on their birthday?

8. Accidentally turning and whacking a mentally-challenged girl in the head with a metal pipe.

What's the surest way to ruin a date with a mentally-challenged girl?

9. A tank full of hot girls.

What's better than a barrel of monkeys?

10. A tank full of unspeakable insects.

What's better than a tank full of unspeakable insects AND venomous snakes?

11. Greg Lee.

Who married the hottest girl from Darrell's high school graduation class?

12. I was afraid of getting water on my face.

What always made getting a swirlie particularly terrifying?

13. ...23 38 61...

What are the measurements of your ideal woman?

14. Smaller than a nickel, but larger than a dime, and brown.

How might you describe your iris?

15. Up Up Down Down Left Right Left Right B A Start.

What is almost the title of the sixth track on the most recent Deftones album?

16. Grant filing the meat.

What band has a stranger name than Grant Lee Buffalo?

17. James; Sean; Charles.

What three names can't Darrell find a connection between?

18. Her nipple.

What do you demand that any woman show you before getting into your car?

19. Tamers.

Who tames?

20. A pickle suit.

What makes the girl in the middle of the picture to the right (from a Burger King commercial) so special?

Labels: Blogs

I had a lot going on last week and little time for blogging … but hopefully, there'll be more time this week.

Here are a few random things I've come across recently:

Granddaddy Long Legs posted this political inclination quiz. Where does it rank you? I'm a bit to the right of Bob Dole and just behind Dutch. I count that as a good place to be.

Speaking of politics, here's some homegrown advice for the Democratic party: When you lay down with the dogs, you get up with the fleas.

Oh, and what's the biggest threat to a super-multi-ethno-cultural government in America? Abortion. Just ask Nancy Pelosi:

“It took a long time to get a woman Speaker,” said Rep. Pelosi, “because we killed off 30-to-40 million potential Democrat voters in the last 35 years. Otherwise, by now we could have had a black lesbian Speaker, universal tax-funded healthcare, and a ban on ownership of guns, personal automobiles and private investment accounts.”

Then again, that's an item from Scrappleface, and probably too accurate to be true.

I found out from Stop The ACLU that the Heavy Metal band Stuck Mojo is under attack from those who support Islamofascist terrorists. I'm not a fan of the band's music, I find it repetitive and adolescent. Still, this video remix of their latest single held my attention, and as you might imagine, I am kinda sympathetic to their message:

Those Which Superhero Are You tests are usually pretty silly, and although I often take them, I rarely post the results. This one, however, mentioned by Spiritual Tramp, might be the best one I've seen … because it correctly identified me as the wall-crawler.

I can't possibly hat tip everyone who's posted this meme … it's everywhere. Now, it's at SouthCon, too:

[A is for age]: 38 years old.

[B is for beer of choice]: Bass Ale.

[C is for career]: As Otis would say, I'm a dumb laborer.

[D is for favorite Drink]: Non-alcoholic, I presume. Good, strong, black, hot coffee. Papua New Guinea is my favorite import.

[E is for Essential item you use everyday]: I can't believe how addicted I've become to my cell phone.

[F is for Favorite song at the moment]: All year I've played Tool's latest album, 10,000 Days, like crazy. I am currently in love with the title track.

[G is for favorite Game]: I'm a Splinter Cell junkie. No, I don't have the new one yet, can't justify the expense … but as soon as it's cheap and/or I can afford it, I can't wait to go double agent.

[H is for Home town]: No, H is for "Hey, I'm not totally comfortable disclosing that for some reason."

[I is for Instruments you play]: I can play the radio. Does that count?

[J is for favorite Juice]: Favorite juice? Come on … of all the words that start with the letter J, all you can come up with is favorite friggin' juice? How lame. I'm not even going to answer that. As far as I'm concerned, J is for favorite Joker action figure, and I'm going with the one to the right.

[K is for Kids]: Three. Last I checked.

[L is for last kiss]: Dear Lord, I hope not.

[M is for marriage]: Yes.

[N is for full Name]: Darrell. My last name is all over this blog, too. I don't know why I'm so reluctant to divulge stuff like that right now. Geez, this meme gets pretty personal, doesn't it? Now I know why Eddie Vedder treats reporters like something stuck to the bottom of his shoe.

[O is for Overnight hospital stays]: Oh, man, let's see: Bladder biopsy in '96. Another for a third degree burn in '04. Both of my back surgeries were out-patient. I think that's it.

[P is for phobias]: House centipedes. If I see one of these monsters I run screaming like an 8 year old girl. And so do you. Don't lie.

[Q is for quotes]: "There are only two kinds of people in the end: those who say to God, 'Thy will be done,' and those to whom God says, in the end, 'Thy will be done.'" - C.S. Lewis, in The Great Divorce

[R is for biggest Regret]: Oh, man. Do we have to go there? Geez, I thought blogging was supposed to be fun. I guess I'll say my biggest regret was that first cigarette, 24 or so years ago.

[S is for sports]: EA Sports. It's in the game.

[T is for Time you wake up]: I'm a shift worker. Is there a specific time when most people wake up?

[U is for color underwear]: Tighty and, yes, Whitey

[V is for Vegetable you love]: Tomatoes are technically a vine fruit, but fresh ones in the summer time are a slice of heaven. As far as green veggies, I guess I will pick fresh green beans.

[W is for Worst Habit]: Self-indulgences of all stripes.

[X is for X-rays you've had]: What? That's dumb. A bunch. Like most people.

[Y is for Yummy food you make]: I haven't in a while, but I can make a homemade chili that will make you want to sucker punch your mamma.

[Z is for zodiac sign]: I really don't know or care. Can't Z be for something cool? How about Z is for zoo animals that scare you. I'll take a stand on this and say that ostriches are godawful things. They're awful, their evil, and they should be destroyed for the good of humanity. I mean, just look at them. Just look at the one in the picture to the left. It clearly hates us all, right? It hates us all, and given the chance, it would kill each of us and everyone we love. And burn our damned houses down. Trust me on this. Ostriches are the spawn of some great, angry, odd-looking demon of hell. If you've never been chased through a zoo by an escaped ostrich, you might not agree ... but I have been, and that's a story for another day.

Labels: Blogs, Memes, Personal, You Tube

The third edition of MCF's Perilous! is up. Here are his answers, along with the questions I imagine they might complete.

1. Cosmos.

What's your favorite Carl Sagan book?

2.Donner.

Who directed such iconic American movies as the Lethal Weapon series, the first two Superman films, and the original Omen?

3. Blixem.

If Hans Blix were a a super hero, what word might he say to activate his super powers?

4. Donna Dixon.

What former Miss Virginia and hot actress from the 80's (and still a pretty lady) has been inexplicably married to Fred Flintstone-look-alike Dan Aykroyd for 23 years?

5. Sleepy

How do you feel while watching any Robert Altman film?

6. Doc

Which of the two (so far) cinematic Spider-Man villains has been the best?

7. That was how he got to Luchow's.

Has Jerry ever ridden an ostrich?

8. “COLOSSUS!!!”

Who was the ruler of Russia and controller of the world's grain supplies in Marvel's Earth X story line?

9. “Did they teach you that fancy psychology in college?”

How might Clint Eastwood respond to my overwrought analysis of Unforgiven?

10. Haim Saban; Paul Dini; Bruce Timm

Which three animated television behind-the-scenesters are all mentioned at least once at this MySpace page?

11. Alfred E. Neuman.

Who makes a better Green Lantern than Hal Jordan or Guy Gardner?

12. Because I threw his leather coat out of the car when he dared me not to.

Why was Jerry riding that ostrich, anyway?

13. Rey.

Which blogger provided him with the ostrich?

14. They make saliva.

And how do ostriches defend themselves?

15. “Freedom is the right of all sentient beings.”

What line has been added to the end of the Transformers trailer because it was selected as the winning entry in a contest for fans?

16. Hyperballistic.

What's better than ballistic?

17. A single, thick eyebrow.

What would it take to make Salma Hayek seem unattractive?

18. It could summon help, warn of danger, grow in size, cast energy blasts, act as a shield, and unlock an ancient tome.

Why did Flava Flav decide to start wearing that clock around his neck?

19. Eye contact.

What should one avoid making with Flava Flav while he's eating?

20. Lettuce, Flan, and genuine Chinese food.

And especially while he's eating what?

Labels: Blogs

I've finally gotten around to adding to the blogroll some blogs I've been reading of late. I encourage you to check them out and enjoy.

• The Catholic Path


• Deo Gratias!


• DogsCatsKidsLife


• Granddaddy Long Legs


• Spiritual Tramp

Labels: Blogs

A while back I wrote about the fun that can be had by putting the words of your favorite bloggers through Babelfish and then back again. It's an easy way to get a few laughs. Here's what to do:

• Grab some text from … well, anywhere. I use my favorite blogs.


• Paste it into Babelfish and translate it to another language.


• Translate it back to English and enjoy the comedy gold that comes from a computer's inability to grasp the nuances of language.

I got some positive feedback from other bloggers who thought the concept was funny … so in an effort to keep my mind off of other things that I can't do anything about, here we go again.

In no particular order:

The Burr in the Burgh goes to Germany, round trip:

Not before long time, I watched out Sophie Scholl - the locking days. I would read much over it, when it was short in the theatres. Then received I, it by Netflix however held to sit down away from watching out it. I must be in the right tendency to watch out to a film with sub-titles. Which for terrific film! It is based on an applicable account of a young German woman and its family, who resisted the Nazin during WWII. Naturally I was particularly fallen with the sympatischen way, in which Scholls Christian faith was described.

Otis + Spanish = The Cabritos?

A by-product to be around cabritos is that you occasionaly that you are able to watch films of the cabrito. The best known license of the film of the cabrito in which I can think is the series of potter of Harry. I have seen all the films of potter of Harry to date, sometimes watching them me. It is yes truth, I really has I please of the series. It can be for the cabritos but the writing is very good and all the cabritos in the series look like to be fine agents.

The Cubicle Reverend writes about Peter Boyle, in English, then Greek, then English again:

Peter Boyle was catholic brother, but left in order to it is followed it acts. In my brain this and Doris Roberts they made each one the loves Raymond. It had a gift for the timing and a ship of line that a lot of persons very insufficiently try they copy. A lot few persons can leading this. Even when it did not have a lot few or no line turned on above the screen. Be careful a scene from new Frankenstein and him you see in certain from better his.

Jerry has a slow day in Portugal:

I want to know who I have the imperfection that he is that the 8 last hours had felt as 50 hours? Without some ruptures for sleep. Or Tevê. Or any thing uniform remotely above of the mind-mind-numbing level. Who frelling around with continuum of the space-time? Jamb just it already. Freeling around with continuum of the space-time, I mean. Not time. Not it jamb time. Jamb just that it is late for low.

German Cube, English Cube:

I do not know in you out, but I cannot wait to hide in order to hear that the explanation the Clintonistas comes above with, the fact that the Clintons used the full range of a presidency for Perversion and strong poor tactics for further their search for energy.

Kristine goes Italian:

I do not understand why they are called constantly on the moquette for preoccuparsi for the language. I have spoild ten years like a producer, a producing professional and editor. It is my JOB to make sure that the things are corrected. Therefore, if nitpick of it elsewhere, that he is only natural. Someone protest when the type that plans a ponticello is too much of one stickler? Which thing approximately your surgeon?

Dymphna's Well in Spain and then back home:

The time chose "you"/us like people of the year not (simply) because we are a generation centered one same in a centered society one same one, but due to the explosion of the communication technology that has happened by right half a course of the life or less. And, for now, each one of us, we are in charge of him. We conserved to each one we have blog. We can do and fix our own films, design and share to our own programs of computer, all without a mediator or an average man of the class.

Unseen enjoys some French cheesecake:

I was affected to bring the cake to cheese to the dinner of Christmas. Somebody mentioned that they liked the cakes with cheese of the factory of cake to cheese. However, in order to buy enough for each one (2 large), I should spend more than $85. Useless to say, it of Denny is. Sure the factory of cake to cheese makes of the 10 on the cake with cheese 10, but for 8 out of 10, I can leave with spending MUCH less! Particularly considering I will not eat myself of it.

Lorna's trip through Greece:

I did not make nothing but I read while Dave me it made the eggs and the rusk, because hardly begun, I could not bear to know what was to happen then, and because Mark Haddon wrote with such beginning for the work of one of autistic a brain - region I did not know nothing for but found I fascinate and strangely I am addressed.

Strange Culture? Portuguese culture, then English again:

Today to the night my wife and I ate the supper, and I asked to me if he had some type of pie that I would like it supper it Christmas. It said that Apple, or cherry was thinking of a pie of the fruit, perhaps, or what it wants that... wanted to make what it wants that I would like.

MCF is briefly a mysterious German figure:

Before approximately eight years, took I mean friend at the time to the Nassau county museum of the art, around an exhibition on Surrealism, discussable my favourite form to see of the fine art. These were the days before the InterNet, at least before I had InterNet entrance, when I had to look by the newspaper, in order to see, what was loose and illustration from something to do on a date. I remember that it rained, when we terminated our route and I had its waiting period, while I ran for the car.

Rey's Italian tale of "sheaf fluctuation:"

The pagans they fluctuate their sheaf of cereal that hopes for a good collection the next year, but the Hebrew fluctuate their sheaf because they have said themselves to in order making them and enjoying them. He gives the thankses to the God that is not sure to be ondeggiamento of the estate only to the part of the generated system but of what overarching being over over and beyond all the things and therefore not specific a way of thanksgiving-that can be similar to pagans but them they introduce all in the cutting fire.

Kelly reviews Goodfellas by way of Greece:

This was a cinema of amusement. It was moved at length fast and it is precisely explicit amusement in order to it sees Liotta, Pesci, and DeNerio striking the persons outta crap. I still think that the gangsters are lamé and puncturing in order to they are careful -- i mj'sisan the godfather -- but the fast rythm and the big leads they rendered this worthy.

Ms. Elenaeous's rice pudding recipe, now with German flavor:

Put all components into a large pot. If you get to cook, then more simmer on a low flame approximately 1 hour long and frequently agitate. It should be strong, but you remove and pour not drying you in cash role, spray cinammon on the top side. Alternatively released, which I do not do, but my Mamma, which is used - to add you 2 egg yoks, five minutes before rice is terminated.

Did Nehring enjoy The Lady In The Water any more in Portuguese? You are cacoando me?

When sixth felt it beat in 1999, M. Noite Shamalamadingdong cited quickly as being the following Spielberg. Gratefulness to self indulgent, pompous, fests of the snore like this outing, those proclamations breathless had been silenced. Honest, who thought that this age a good idea? Loner finds a nymph of the water in one pool of swimming? You are caçoando me? This thing is as respingo! in barbiturates.

And, lastly, my wife talks about her German art class:

This last term took I a drawing category. I explained that she would relax and it could be fun. I was wrong. I was a terrible the matter work. It met 3 hours twice one week. It was really more, which I had over negotiated, but I had never dropped a category forwards, therefore I clung her out.

Labels: Blogs, Humor, Lost In Translation

Blogger REALLY wants me to switch. I'm afraid it's only a matter of time.

Meanwhile, go look at Wendy's commodes.

Labels: Blogs

The latest installment of MCF's Perilous! is a tough one ... but I might have come up with the right answers. Which is to say, the right questions.

1. Darrell

Who will be the first blogger to throw together a submission for Perilous! II?

2. Wendy

What is his spouse named?

3. Lorna

Which of the bloggers that he frequently reads is the furthest from him, geographically?

4. Joseph

What is his son's first name?

5. Kevin

Which of his uncles is a Baptist minister?

6. Michael

Uh, no. He doesn't have an uncle Kevin. Let's try again. Which of his uncles is a Baptist minister?

7. Kelly

Which blogger seems to be winning her movie-watching contest with MCF?

8. Dave

And what is her spouse's name?

9. Hal

The hilarious Canadian comedy troop featuring Dave Foley, Bruce McCulloch, Kevin McDonald, Mark McKinney and Scott Thompson is called the Kids in the What?

10. Nicholas

Alright, well, since we don't deduct points for spelling, we'll accept that. If you had ten cents represented by six coins and you lost every one of those coins that wasn't a penny, what would you be?

11. Matthew

Well, again, you're lucky that we don't count spelling. Alright, have you named the toilet in your home … and, if so, what's the name?

12. Clint

If you had a terrible speech defect, what might you tell us you've found in your belly button?

13. Jesse

Continuing with the speech defect theme, how might you describe a really good apple?

14. Sean

Can you give us a word that rhymes with Bean?

15. Cristina

Well, no, not really. But that's OK. If you could be a famous pop star for a day, which one would you want to be?

16. Arthur

Alright. In the last Perilous! installment you named a dead British actor in question nine. This time, can you name one of his films?

17. Whorenelli

What is the last name of the most dangerous and feared mob-tied family on the East Coast?

18. Ray

If you didn't know any better, how might you misspell Rey's name?

19. Kurt

And how might you misspell The Happy Husband's name?


20. Jury

And, if you were from the Alabama, how might you pronounce J-No's first name?

Labels: Blogs

Just a few things relative to nothing.

---

The Burr in the Burgh posted this nativity quiz. There's no cut-n-paste results, but I missed two of the questions, Q1 and Q4.

---

I came across these two quizzes myself. How well do you know 80's albums? Part one is here, part two is there. Not to brag, but, uh...

---

Ms. Elenaeous was on the subject of Christmas music. Reminded me that my all time favorite Christmas song is the unconventional, moving, sad, funny, touching Tom Waits classic, "A Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis." You really have to hear the song to appreciate it. I don't expect to hear it from carolers this year.

---

I found this quiz at Rey's ... here's my sense of humor in a nutshell, at least according to this quiz:

the Wit (61% dark, 38% spontaneous, 21% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais The 3-Variable Funny Test! - it rules - If you're interested, try my best friend's best test: The Genghis Khan Genetic Fitness Masterpiece

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on darkness You scored higher than 99% on spontaneity You scored higher than 99% on vulgarity

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on OkCupid, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Labels: Blogs

• Religion Of Peace? Right.
  
  Apparently, if you're going to say anything about Muslims or Islam other than "Praise Allah!", it darn well better be something nice. The Holy Father made a few historically correct and spiritually insightful remarks last week…
  
  

  Citing historic Christian commentary on holy war and forced conversion, the 79-year-old pontiff quoted from a 14th-century Byzantine emperor, Manuel II Paleologos.
  
  "The emperor comes to speak about the issue of jihad, holy war," the pope said. "He said, I quote, 'Show me just what Mohammed brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached.' "
  
  Clearly aware of the sensitivity of the issue, Benedict added, "I quote," twice before pronouncing the phrases on Islam and described them as "brusque," while neither explicitly agreeing with nor repudiating them.
  
  "The emperor goes on to explain in detail the reasons why spreading the faith through violence is something unreasonable," Benedict said.
  
  "Violence is incompatible with the nature of God and the nature of the soul," the pope said, issuing an open invitation to dialogue among cultures.

  
  
  …and now every turban-and-burqua wearing wackjob in the world has gone all to hell over it:
  
  

  

  
  
  And a number of bloggers are going out of their way to show support for the Pontiff:
  
  

  

  
  
  Of course, since this involves that "religion of peace" known as Islam, waving signs isn't enough for a great many of the wackos:
  
  

  An Iraqi militant group led by al Qaeda vowed a war against the "worshippers of the cross" in response to a recent speech by Pope Benedict on Islam that sparked anger across the Muslim world.
  
  "We tell the worshipper of the cross (the Pope) that you and the West will be defeated, as is the case in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya," said an Internet statement by the Mujahideen Shura Council, an umbrella group led by Iraq's branch of al Qaeda.
  "We shall break the cross and spill the wine. ... God will (help) Muslims to conquer Rome. ... God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahideen," said the statement.

  
  
  Tell me again, Mr. President, how Islam is "is a peaceful religion, a religion that respects others."
  
  Can you believe that Dubya actually said that? Look, the guy has a ranch. He oughta know BS when he sees it.
  
  Religion of peace, my ass.
  
  Islamabad threw some fuel on the fire:
  
  

  Pakistan's parliament on Friday unanimously adopted a resolution condemning Pope Benedict XVI for making what it called "derogatory" comments about Islam, and seeking an apology from him for hurting the sentiments of Muslims...
  
  "Anyone who describes Islam as a religion as intolerant encourages violence," Foreign Ministry spokeswoman Tasnim Aslam said.

  
  
  Yep... Islam is a very tolerant religion... and the Muslims will wage war against you if you say different!
  
  What's more, you make 'em mad enough, they'll kill nuns:
  
  

  Gunmen killed an Italian nun at a children's hospital in Mogadishu on Sunday in an attack that drew immediate speculation of links to Muslim anger over the Pope's recent remarks on Islam...
  
  "I was in class when I heard about six to eight shots, I ran out and saw sister bleeding," Fatuma Hassan, 21, told Reuters.
  
  "We're so sad. It's a big loss."

  
  
  Just chalk it up to a lesson learned. And, if the past five years have been any indication, a lesson that will be forgotten in about fifteen minutes.
  

  

  
  
  And, besides, "radical Christianity is just as threatening as radical Islam." If you don't believe me, just ask that tub of co-host, Rosie O'Donnell:
  




• Emanuel! Christ Among Us! NOT!
  
  Rey linked to this video this weekend. Apparently, everything you've ever been taught by any Christian church you've ever attended has been wrong. How can I say that? Well, because the lord himself has come back… and he dresses like a Columbian coke cartel general.

  
  There are people who follow this guy? Come on, nobody would really buy into an obviously fake religion just because it's glitzy and glamorous and explains away human failures very easily… would they?




• Another Reason To Mourn Steve Irwin
  
  According to the National Review, the Crocodile Hunter didn't just have a big heart and a big image… he had a brain, too. The National Review reports that Irwin was not…
  
  

  …the sort of leftist-environmentalist nag that infests this zone of human activity. To the contrary, he was a political conservative, and a strong supporter of Australia’s robustly sensible premier John Howard, whom he once described, to some derision from the Australian media, as “the greatest leader in the entire world.”

  
  
  RIP, Steve. We hardly knew you.



• Those Mean Old Metallica Fans
  
  Apparently, Metallica's failed producer for about fifteen years, Bob Rock, has a bone to pick with a number of the band's fans. It seems that some of us have hurt Bob's feelings… or at least, according to Bob, we've confused his children:
  
  

  A behind-the-scenes look at that tumultuous (St. Anger) project was featured in the… unflinching documentary "Metallica: Some Kind of Monster." A petition that some 1,500 fans signed subsequently was posted online calling for Metallica to dump Rock, claiming he had too much influence on the band's sound.
  
  "The criticism was hurtful for my kids, who read it and don't understand the circumstances," Rock says. "Sometimes, even with a great coach, a team keeps losing. You have to get new blood in there."

  
  
  And sometimes a lame producer causes a well-written album to sound like crap. Either way, Rock is out of the picture and an amazingly talented producer is on board. Metallica fans have reason to anticipate the next album.

Labels: Blogs, Links, Metallica, Music, News, Politics, You Tube

It's hard to believe that there have now been sixteen McFATs… but there have, and here are my answers to Number Sixteen.

1) What's your worst and/or funniest drinking experience? If you never drink, it can be about someone you know, and if you don't know anyone, move on to the next question.

Disclaimer: I can't remember the last time I had more than two beers at a time. It's usually just one at a time. Wendy and I usually make a six-pack last for more than a week between us, and we might buy a total of four six-packs in a year. I'm totally paranoid about drinking much at all, even in the comfort of my own home, for fear that some child will get up and manage to fall down the steps and knock a hole in his or her head and then it's up to me to get them to the hospital. So I hardly drink at all, I never drink anything other than beer (actually ales and stouts) and when I do, it's very, very little.

There was, however, a time when I drank far too much and behaved very irresponsibly while drinking. I no longer do that, having put that lifestyle behind me more than ten years ago… and having spent a period of my life going to AA meetings in order to make sure that the last nail was in the coffin of that part of my life.

And so I want to make it clear that I do not endorse drinking to excess, I do not endorse driving or behaving irresponsibly while drinking, and I do not endorse basically everything I ever did before my son was born.

OK?

Now, having said all that, I suppose the funniest thing that ever happened to me while drinking would be the time that another blogger who frequents this blog… a guy I used to work with back in my radio days… well, he and I worked at a radio station together and we decided to basically change the station's format and broadcast times while we were drunk on the air one night.

Drinking while on the air was fairly commonplace back during my irresponsible radio youth. Anyway, me and this other guy (a blogger in my blogroll who I won't identify… if he wants to do so in the comments, that's up to him) used to work at a small-time local radio station. It was really small time. Not even a 24-hour-a-day broadcast station. We signed on every morning at 5:00 AM… played country music and gospel music all day… and then signed off at midnight. Yep, it was one of those little AM/FM stations that you might dial in while traveling through the south just to get a kick out of a little slice of Americana.

Anyway, me and this other DJ used to get fairly good and drunk fairly frequently during the evening shift… and one night when it came time to sign off for the evening we decided that, dang it, we weren't gonna do it. We decided that instead we'd stay on the air and play the kind of music that we enjoyed… stuff like Metallica and the Michael Schenker Group and the Grateful Dead and NWA and James Taylor and… oh, you name it. If we liked it, we'd just throw it on the air. And between songs we'd go on the air and tell ribald stories about our co-workers and stuff like that.

So about an hour into this illegal, immoral and unintelligible broadcast, our station manager called us and demanded to know why we were still on the air. Turns out that he'd been out clubbing and got in his car and turned on the radio, which just happened to be tuned to our frequency… and before he could get a cassette tape in the tape deck he noticed that we were still broadcasting and that we were playing some sort of highly vulgar material.

Anyway, the station manager calls us and demands to know why we're still on the air and one of us… I can't remember if it was me or the other DJ… told the manager that he needed to shut up, go home and go to bed.

The next day the other DJ and I were called in to the station around 10 AM or so and we were curtly and unceremoniously fired and sent packing.

However, by one or two that afternoon when it became obvious that there was nobody to work my afternoon shift and the other DJ's evening shift, we were called and asked if we'd like to have our jobs back. So we said sure, what the hell, we didn't have anything else to do and since we were just gonna sit around and drink and listen to music anyway, we might as well get paid to do it.

There are a bunch of other stories that I could tell that begin with the line "This one time when we were drunk on the air…" but I think I've incriminated myself enough.

2) Inspired by some of the insect images I've seen lately at B13's and Unspace, what are some of your more horrific encounters with the insect world?

Have you ever seen a House Centipede? These aren't regular run-of-the-mill centipedes… these things are hideous. Monstrous. They look like some sort of joint project created by Todd McFarlane and Satan. Every time I see one I shriek like a ten year old girl and run outside waving my arms around, crying for help. I'm TERRIFIED of these things. I'd honestly rather go up against a bear, armed only with a Bic pen, then have to face down a house centipede. We get them from time to time in the fall. It's getting close to the time of year when they'll be coming out. I live in fear of them at this time of year. If you want to see one, you can click here… but I'm warning you, they're hideous.

3) How would your life differ if you woke up one morning with no arms?

I guess the main difference is that I wouldn't have ANY #@&N$!"!NG ARMS… but other than that, I guess the change would be nominal.

Speaking of arms and radio… I was once reprimanded by a program director for saying on the air that I'd give my right arm to be as good a drummer as that guy in Def Leppard.

4) Born in the mid 1970s, a lot of the classic rock I've heard used as jingles for beer, trucks, and other appropriate products was my first exposure to those songs. Do you think some of these songs were ruined by becoming advertising elements? What songs from your formative years could you see being sampled for commercials some day, and for what sort of products?

I LOVE the Iggy Pop song Lust For Life, and I HATE hearing it in car commercials. I also remember hearing The Faces' I Know I'm Losing You in a commercial for something or other and being bummed out by that. I really love that song, too.

I am surprised, I must admit, that I haven't yet heard Iron Maiden or Judas Priest in commercials for Honda and Nike. Our generation made those bands huge, and our generation is a prime marketing demographic, so it's only a matter of time until those bands are turning up in commercials. In fact, I have a vague memory of having heard You've Got Another Thing Coming in a commercial… but I can't remember the product and it might be that my mind is playing tricks on me.

Now that I'm one of many old fat men driving around in a minivan and listening to Metallica, it's only a matter of time before we hear Metallica songs in commercials. I suppose Duracell will co-op Battery just to be funny. Maybe Verizon will use For Whom The Bell Tolls.

And, of course, customizing the lyrics to match the product will continue as a marketing trend. I can't wait to hear a Dominos commercial featuring Dave Mustane wailing Pizza Sells… But Who's Buying? Maybe Slayer will sing the praises of a Tupperware Ensemble.

SPECIAL BONUS QUESTION: I started blogging on October 13th, 2004. Last year some of you may recall my Best Blog Party Party, guest posts, year in review, and revealing photos. What sort of things should I do for this year's Cloakfest?

It's time to go ahead and do that nude photo-spread you've been promising us for so long now. Nothing raunchy, mind you… I'm talking about tasteful photos… but something bold and liberating. It might be nice to pose with a live tiger, if you can get access to one. The one article of clothing that I'd say you definitely should wear is a tweed fedora… and maybe a huge gold chain. Just you, the lid and the chain, the tiger and an expression of sassy bravado. It'll be the most popular Photo Blog Wednesday ever.

Labels: Blogs, Metallica, Music, Personal, Trivial Matters