Before I write anything about the Oscars I should come clean and admit that I don't really give a rip about the Oscars. So you should know that. And you should also know that there are a lot of other places you can go to read better, more thoughtful, more insightful Oscars posts than this one here. For instance:

• Rhodester, the only show-business insider in my blogroll, always has a unique perspective.


• Rey has a clip of Hugh Jackman's opening salvo.


• Bob Parks offers a few thoughts on the political nature of Sean Penn's Oscar.


• Scott Nehring sums it all up very economically.


• RC really delves in and tries to make sense of it all.


• Kevin Williamson at NRO has a couple of interesting observations about the Oscars ceremony as per Anthony Hopkins.


• There's a story at Newsbusters about about the Oscars and CBS's Harry Smith, who is apparently a giant, weepy, PC douchebag.


• Armchair Commentary breaks down the show with a best moments/worst moments thing.


• I Watch Stuff live-blogged the show with a collection of quips so funny that it (almost) made the ceremony tolerable to watch.


• The Onion found a laugh in the program's budget.

As for me, I don't have anything really worthwhile to say. I'll just stick to my usual formula; mocking things I don't understand and generally behaving regrettably.

This year I saw an all-time high of four out of five movies nominated for best picture. I didn't see Milk, I can smell a posturing PC screed a mile away and you couldn't pay me to see Milk. I did see the winning film, Slumdog Millionare, and I thought it was only OK, not even remotely the best movie of the year. Frost/Nixon, on the other hand, really was a very good film and deserved to be nominated. And I thought that The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button was a well-polished turd of a movie; lots of obviously expensive special effects but no story worth sitting through.

As far as I was concerned, the best movie of 2008 was The Reader, which I saw only recently and reviewed at this blog over the weekend. The Reader, in fact, is one of the best movies I've seen in a long while. If the Academy had any integrity the award for best picture would have gone to that challenging, thoughtful film instead of the showy, flashy, and ultimately empty Slumdog.

I knew the minute that I heard about the movie Milk that Sean Penn would win the Best Actor Oscar. Hollywood simply had to come up with a way to thumb it's nose at Prop 8. Besides, playing a gay guy is a very safe way to get an Oscar, or at least a nomination. (See Capote, Philadelphia, Brokeback Mountain, Before Night Falls, and Gods And Monsters for examples from just the past ten years.)

Of course, playing a retarded or derranged guy is almost as sure a bet to win an Oscar as playing a gay guy. The Academy sure does love those homos and wackos. Along with his Philadelphia Oscar, Tom Hanks won for Forrest Gump, and last night's winner was also nominated for playing a retarded dude in I Am Sam back in 2001 ... the same year that Russell Crowe was nominated for playing a nutball mathematician in A Beautiful Mind.

Johnny Depp has been nominated a number of times but never won an Oscar. One of these days he's going to have to commission a script called That Crazy C--ksucker and star in the film as a guy who's both gay and deranged. Maybe do it as a biopic about Larry Craig with an angle about how his homophobic self hatred drove him crazy in an airport men's room. End it with a fantasy dance number wherein Craig comes out of the closet and/or stall and denounces the GOP. The Academy will send a guy out to the shoot to give Depp the Oscar before the film is even finished.

I hope it's clear that I'm mocking the affectations and the politics of the Motion Picture Academy, here. I'm not mocking crazy guys or homos. Crazy guys and homos are just fine in my book. It's the way the Motion Picture Academy patronizes them that I find contemptible.

Or, more specifically, the way the Academy seems to expect us all to patronize them.

Kate Winslet won the Best Actress Oscar for The Reader and I think that's pretty cool. She was very good in the movie and I hope she enjoyed receiving the recognition of her peers.

And Danny Boyle won for Slumdog..., which seems kind of weird since he only co-directed that film. I didn't stay up long enough to see the whole ceremony because, as I've said, I don't care ... and I haven't really looked around the net to find out yet ... but I have to wonder what Boyle's co-director, Loveleen Tandan, thinks about all of this.

Maybe the message the Academy was trying to send was "Those scenes from Slumdog that Danny Boyle directed were top-knotch. Loveleen Tandan's scenes totally sucked, but Boyle's scenes were good enough to make up for it."

And that's all I have to say about the Oscars. I have the feeling I've already said far too much.

Labels: Movies, News, Politics