I think there's significant cause to start preparing for the zombie apocalypse, which is apparently right around the corner.

For one thing, the zombie-apocalypse-survival game Left 4 Dead is hugely popular. As I mentioned once before, I love the game and play it every time I get a chance.

This game is very useful for virtually learning the skills that we'll all need when the zombies attack. But virtual preparation isn't enough...

College students have taken to real life practice sessions so that they might be ready for the rise of the walking undead. As we all know, college students are the world's best barometer for trends in common sense and pragmatism. So I think we would all do well to follow their lead.

Then there are the incidents involving electronic road signs that have been changing lately to indicate that, apparently, there's no room left in hell:

As we all know, nazi zombies are the worst kind, since they're evil before they even become zombies. So that's, like, double zombie jeopardy or something. The only thing I can think of that would be more evil would be if a member of the cast of the Hills died and then became a zombie ... and then joined to the Nazi party.

Of course, local governments deny any knowledge of the zombie road-sign alerts ... which means, of course, that the federal government is controlling things. Obviously there's some sort of government virus lab somewhere and things have gone wrong there and it's only a matter of time until the deceased crawl from their graves. And the government will eventually mention those signs and say "Well, it's not like we didn't warn you." But, in the meantime, mum's the word.

Then there's George Romero's Zombie Generator, which lets you transform even the prettiest faces into horrific zombie visages:

That way you can monitor familiar faces for signs that the infection is changing them.

I mean, damn: zombies have even started creeping into classic literature.

So don't say I didn't warn you. Of course, now that I've made a public spectacle of the coming zombie apocalypse, the government is going to move to silence me, just like they did with Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis. That's OK, I'm willing to be that martyr.

Maybe someday after it's all over and civilization rebuilds itself, they'll erect a monument in my honor.

I'd like it to be like the Lincoln monument, only three times as big. Please make a note of it.

Labels: Humor, News