Friday, January 30, 2009


Lesbians Rock

I'm generally pro-lesbian. And no, I don't mean in the Penthouse Magazine sense of the word lesbian. That's a whole 'nother, we'll talk about that another time.

What I mean is that the lesbians I've known in real life have, for the most part, been awesome people.

Yeah, I'm generalizing. I realize that. Generalizing is bad, I'm an evil person for doing it, yadda yadda yadda. But it's the truth, and it's basically a positive generalization, if such a thing exists, so I'm sticking to it.

Seriously, though. I've found that lesbians get a lot done in a day. When I worked in radio I worked with a number of lesbians and they were hard-working, industrious people. I remember this one lesbian lady I worked with in the early '90's who was thought of by every person at the radio station as the hardest worker and the most reliable person in the whole damn company. And smart? Forget about it. Her name was Lindsay, and if you had some problem you couldn't solve, just go as Lindsay. If she couldn't solve it she knew who could. I liked her a lot. I had a lot of respect for her, too. She looked just like Donnie Osmond.

And I used to rent an upstairs apartment, and once there were these two large lesbians who lived below me. They both looked like the late Nell Carter, although I don't know if either of them could sing or act. What I do know is that they were the best neighbors I had in all my years of apartment life. They were friendly and quiet, they seemed smart and happy ... I was broken-hearted when they moved out and this dumb ol' redneck gal and her boyfriend moved in. They had a parrot. I know, I heard it constantly.

To my knowledge, I've never once been lied to by a lesbian. I can't say that about any other ethno-gendo-bendo-religipolitinomical groups. So there's that.

And we all know that lesbians are often damn good songwriters and that they usually make up some of the absolute best folk-rock duos out there. For instance, I really love the song The Con by Tegan and Sarah, who're not just lesbians but also identical twins:

And I've been an Indigo Girls fan for years and years. I've seen 'em in concert twice and both times they were tremendous. It's hard for me to pick a favorite Indigo Girls song, but you can't go wrong with Galileo:

Tracy Chapman is a really, really great singer/songwriter, too:

You know, I don't know for sure if she's a lesbian or not. Maybe I shouldn't assume that she is. Nobody's ever told me that Tracy Chapman is a lesbian. But, I mean, nobody's ever told me that she's black, either ... it's just, look at her. Ya know?

I like the first two Melissa Etheridge albums a lot, too, although I catch hell from my headbanger buddies over that. Oh, well. I don't care what they say, those are two darn good albums, especially Brave And Crazy, which features No Souvenirs:

Oh, and Me'Shell NdegéOcello is an absolute monster on the bass and has a seriously smokey, rich, beautiful singing voice:

I've never been able to get into Ani DiFranco, though. Her music just doesn't move me. It's always struck me as a bit precious, a bit "high concept." And more than a bit lame.

While I'm on the subject, I also think that Jodie Foster is an outstanding actress and that Sarah Gilbert is cute as a button. Or, at least, she used to be and maybe isn't anymore, if the picture at her Wikipedia page is reliable.

And I'm guessing that it goes without saying that I think Tammy Bruce is awesome, if only because she defies pigeon holes.

Now, you guys know where I stand on "gay marriage," I'm not gonna pretend that I've softened up on that. It all just comes down to how you define the word marriage, and the definition I accept is a man/woman thing. I know that makes me politically incorrect, intolerant, ignorant, out-of-step, and all those other mean, nasty, horrible things. Sorry, that's just my opinion on the matter. I know that all the super-cool lesbian ladies I've just been praising would all want to pummel me to death with NOW and GLAAD leaflets because of my politics. OK, fine, whatever.

But I still think lesbians rock, and people on both sides of the issue are just gonna have to deal with that.

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Wait, Tracy Chapman is a FEMALE??

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