Come on, everybody! Sing along!

"You put your fake leg in,
You take your penis out,
You put your right arm in,
And you stab it all about..."

Just a little song inspired by recent news events:

• Nebraska man sues prosecutor to get his leg back
  

  After being shot five times, a western Nebraska man had to go to court to get his prosthetic leg back from prosecutors...

  Permission to hop to the bench, your honor?

  McCabe's prosthetic left leg had been held since Friday's shooting because prosecutors wanted to run tests on it and a bullet lodged inside.

  So he was shot five times, and there was a bullet lodged in his fake leg. I can't help but wonder if that bullet was one of the five or if that one was a sixth bullet. I mean, if someone shoots your prosthetic leg, have you been shot? Just wondering.



• Malaysian man gets nut stuck around penis
  
  I first read the word "nut" and I thought huh? His left one or his right one? then I read on and realized that they meant nut as in nuts and bolts. And I thought, Oh, OK. Happens to me all the time.
  

  A Malaysian welder had to have a nut removed from around his penis after an attempt to lengthen it...

  Now, what could possibly be more embarassing than that? Maybe this:

  ...the fire and rescue department were also involved in trying to remove the nut from the unnamed welder...

  I kinda have to believe that news story had Bobby and Peter Farrelly desperately looking for a ballpoint pen and a scrap of paper.



• Modesto man tries to amputate own arm
  

  Police say a man tried to cut off his own arm at a restaurant in Modesto, Calif., because he thought he had injected air into a vein while shooting cocaine and feared he would die unless he took drastic action.

  So he wasn't worried about putting cocaine into his arm, but God forbid any air get in there.

  Authorities say 33-year-old Michael Lasiter rushed into the Denny's restaurant late Friday and started stabbing himself...

  
  I've eaten at Denny's, and I've found myself thinking "You know, I'd really rather stab myself in the arm than take another bite."

You know, you can mix, match and swap out the body parts in all three of those stories without aesthetically changing them at all.

Labels: Humor, News