Stallone is already thinking about the next Rambo movie. But he tells a Swedish newspaper that, for the next film, Rambo will find himself in a new film genre:

"I would like to take Rambo to another genre, experiment a little with the character. It would definitely not be another war movie.

"I can't go any further with that than what I've already done. What it's going to be like, I'm not going to reveal at this point. But I'm already halfway though writing the manuscript."

Wow! What an idea! Take the survivalist warrior and force him to hack, kill and slash his way through a totally foreign film landscape! I like the concept. And I have a few ideas about exactly what Stallone might have in mind for the next Rambo film.

Comic Buddy Movie

Pair Rambo up with Ben Stiller, have them forced to run some kind of business together; lovable, goofy underdogs who succeed in spite of being total opposites who're always at each other's throats. Maybe the justification would be that John Rambo has to come back to America to take care of his long-lost cousin, Eugene Rambo. So he reluctantly leaves his mud hut and boards a plane for America. Stiller could play Eugene, the sickly, nerdy owner of ... say, a struggling bakery. Just imagine the hijinks with Stallone and Stiller in the kitchen together, baking donuts or biscuits or something. It would be the kind of thing that Lucy and Ethel used to get into ... only funnier because it involves Rambo! And Ben Stiller! I see in my head a madcap scene that ends with both of them covered with flour and Stallone holding a machete to Stiller's throat. HA HA! Then at the end a big company offers to buy Rambo's recipe for Jungle Buns (or something) and they end up with enough money to save the bakery. Yay!

Ethnic Chick Flick

OK, how about this ... Angela Bassett plays an independent, strong, successful woman who gets tired of all the irresponsible, weak, unsuccessful men in the ethnic dating pool. So she goes to Africa and, surprisingly, meets an American male who's living alone and reclusive in the jungle. As Angela and Rambo get to know each other, a real friendship blossoms ... but Angela can't live in the mud with Rambo, so he returns to metropolitan New York with Angela. Rambo gets in touch with his ethnic feminine side as he meets Angela's sassy, ethnic female friends and learns about their trials and tribulations, heartaches, relationships, loves and laughs, etc. There'll be a scene shot with steady-cam ... slow, turning shots around the faces of the principles ... wherein all the characters sit around in their pajamas in the living room and tell stories while an Al Green song plays in the background. Then Rambo hunts down and kills each of the men who's broken the hearts of his newfound friends.

Legal Thriller

Rambo gets sued by the villages near the jungle where he lives ... because he's been peeing in the nearby stream and polluted the local water supply. So he hires a crackerjack attorney, played by George Clooney, to represent him. Clooney's character takes the case for fame, but has a significant personal change as he comes to believe that his client really is innocent. The lawyer character displays his dedication to the case in scenes wherein he writes case notes and reads legal briefs in his underwear, covered with mud in the jungle. An unexpected plot twist reveals that the only reason that Rambo's pee was toxic is because of the toxic fruit he'd been eating from local trees ... fruit that had been poisoned by an irresponsible corporation co-owned by the Vatican and the President of the United States. One centerpiece action scene involves Rambo successfully busting into the Vatican with Clooney so that his attorney can get a deposition from the Pope. Clooney is killed in the process, forcing Rambo to represent himself at the trial. The movie ends with a tense, dramatic scene as Rambo cross-examines the President of the United States from the witness stand.

Romantic Comedy

He's a rugged, isolated survivalist who lives alone in the jungle. She's the spoiled big-city reporter who's sent by her newspaper to interview him. She's also Meg Ryan. Meg's reporter character travels to the jungles of (far away place) to get her interview, only to get abandoned in the mud by crooked locals who promise to take her to meet Rambo and then steal her money and sneak away. In one tense scene, Meg is crying in the rain under a tree when a menacing figure approaches from the shadows. Dramatic music builds, but then the dark figure turns out to be Rambo, the very man Meg has been looking for. He rescues her but refuses to grant her an interview, instead insisting he'll take her to the nearest metro area so she can go home. But as they trek through the jungle, Meg discovers resolve that she never knew she had and Rambo gets in touch with feelings he'd forgotten. Along the way there are comic misadventures involving poison ivy and a group of mischievous monkeys. The tables are turned during another tense scene wherein Meg saves Rambo's life from a huge (some kind of animal). Neither of them reveals their feelings to the other, although it's obvious to the audience that they've fallen in love. When they get to the metro area Meg appears to get on the plane home and Rambo retreats to the bar to drown his sorrows ... but as the plane pulls out it reveals Meg still standing there on the tarmac. They rush together and embrace, the music swells, one of the monkeys steals Rambo's survival knife out of his back pocket, fade to black.

You know, as stupid as those ideas are, I really probably should copyright them.

Labels: Humor, Movies, News