So we have this new tradition in American media:

• Some loudmouth white media moron makes a racist remark.


• Said loudmouth white moron loses his media job.


• Loudmouth white moron decides that the way to makes things right is to make an apology to a loudmouth black moron ... namely, Al Sharpton.


• The rest of the media focuses on the story like it's world-changing history-in-the-making.

First came Michael Richards. Last time it was Don Imus. This time it's Dog The Bounty Hunter. I'm noticing a trend here: ugly white guys with bad hair tend to be racists... and stupid racists at that, since they actually take Al Sharpton seriously.

But how, in the name of all that's good and pure and right, does it make things better for these idiots to apologize to Al Friggin' Sharpton? Sharpton is VILE. How does it help for one racist moron to apologize to another racist moron for being a racist moron? Am I the only person who sees the stupidity of all this?

It's like if Pol Pot tried to make up for his years of genocide by apologizing to Hitler.

Yes, I resorted to a Hitler comparison. I'm not proud of that, but it kinda expresses the absurdity of this situation, and I'm sticking to it.

Anyway, I've come up with a few ideas that might really resolve all of these problems:

• Let's all agree not to be racists.


• Let's do away with the n-word forever. In all contexts, including the racist-white-moron context and the rich-black-rapper-moron context. The n-word has got to go.*


• Let's all agree that when a racist moron (no matter what his skin color) makes a stupid remark, we'll ignore him. Forever.

There. Does that seem so hard? And, just think, if we all follow these three simple rules, we won't ever have to see another news story like this again. If the drive to simply do what's right doesn't motivate us all toward racial harmony, maybe the goal of fewer news storys about Dog The Bounty Hunter might do the trick.

*I'm willing to make an exception to this rule for Blazing Saddles, the greatest comedy of all time, and a movie that exposes the absurdity of racism better than anything I can think of.

Labels: Humor, News, Politics