Maybe sending Paris Hilton to jail for 45 days isn't really the ideal way to punish her. I've been thinking about it and I've come up with a few possible alternatives; punishments that might seem cruel and unusual to Paris, but I can live with that.

• Make Paris get rid of her chihuahua and replace it with Vern Troyer for no less than one year. She should have to carry Vern with her everywhere she goes, just like she has been known to do with that freaky little dog.


• For at least a year, the only music she should be allowed to listen to is her own album. She should only be allowed to listen to it on cassette on an antique Walkman. If the tape breaks, she should have to try to fix it with scotch tape and a little screwdriver.


• For at least a year, she should only be allowed to wear clothing purchased at K-Mart. On clearance.


• Paris should be required to wear a fanny pack at all times.


• Paris should be required to sell her Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren and give the proceeds to a charity of my choosing. For at least a year the only car she should be allowed to drive is an 1981 Buick Skylark.








• For at least one year, Paris should only be allowed to get her hair cut at Super Cuts.

• Nicole Richie she be fired from The Simple Life and replaced with Larry The Cable Guy.


• Paris should be required to throw a party for all of her rich friends and surprise them by serving potted meat on Ritz Crackers and Miller Genuine Draft.


• Paris should be required to get rid of her fancy new cell phone and replace it with one of the old-school models.

Labels: Humor, News