I enjoy reading items at Snopes, the Urban Legend Clearing House, from time to time. I'm amused at the things that people will believe, given the chance ... and I'm also amused at the odd items that turn out to be verifiable by the good folks at Snopes.

Like THIS odd story, which Snopes verifies:

When the new chocolate-coloured sofa set was delivered to her Brampton home, Doris Moore was stunned to see packing labels describing the shade as "Nigger-brown."

She and husband Douglas purchased a sofa, loveseat and chair in dark brown leather last week from Vanaik Furniture and Mattress store on Dundas St. E.

Moore, 30, who describes herself as an African-American born and raised in New York, said it was her 7-year-old daughter who pointed out the label just after delivery men from the Mississauga furniture store left.

"She's very curious and she started reading the labels," Moore explained. "She said, `Mommy, what is nig ... ger brown?' I went over and just couldn't believe my eyes."

She said yesterday each piece had a similar label affixed to the woven protective covering wrapped around the furniture.

"In this day and age, that's totally unacceptable," Moore said...

I think that Romesh Kumar, manager of the store that sold the sofa, speaks for us all when he says "That's terrible, that's a racial ... something..." Oh, boy, is it ever. It's one of the most racial somethings I've ever seen.

Unless it's not.

According to Snopes, the word is commonly used in Asia and other parts of the world with no racial connotations at all. It's used simply to describe a shade of color:

While Western society has now eschewed the word, in some parts of the world it continues to be used as a descriptor of an item's color.

Now, I suppose that Ms. Moore has the option of explaining to her daughter that the word in question has been used hurtfully by ignorant people in this country many times ... and, yet, in other parts of the world, the word is a harmless way to indicate a specific shade of color. But why would she do that? By doing that, she'd be robbing herself of an opportunity to be indignant! In America, unless you're a wealthy white guy, your right to be indignant is fundamental.

See, in America, the use of the N-word for ANY reason is the equivalent of throwing a hand grenade into a room. It doesn't matter if you're having a Michael-Richards-style breakdown or if you're actually discussing the word itself, or any circumstance in between ... unless you're a member of the race which hates to hear the word, you're not allowed to say it. If you ever hear someone who isn't a member of the race who hates to hear the word actually say the word, behave as though it actually were a hand grenade. The safest thing to do to run away as far and as fast as possible, screaming that you're not a racist.

Snopes offered a link to proove that the word is innocuous in certain contexts; a Yahoo! directory ad for a boot that describes the boot with that exact word to denote the shade.

I looked around and found two other similar shoe ads (this one and this one) that promote products that are available in that same shade. I even found a website dedicated to catfish of all things, which describes a kind of catfish that's typically found in that same shade. The World Journal Of Gastroenterology even described a cellular compound with that same phrase.

Wow.

That blows my mind.

You know, in a way, that might be a good thing. Can you think of a better way to remove the incendiary power from a word than by taking it out of a hurtful context and relegating it to a common-place, even boring context? The N-word would cease to be controversial and become very hum-drum if it was no longer an attack and was, instead, a shade of beige.

I think that's a great idea, and I'd like to propose a list of hurtful words that I'd like to see similarly disarmed. I'll provide examples to prove that these words can be used with no politically incorrect context at all.

WOP: Formerly an insensitive term used to degrade Italian Americans. I think this term should now be used exclusively in terms of flat tires: "Hey, I got some glass inna my two front tires, ana all da way home, dey juss' go 'wop, wop, wop.'"

SPIC: This word has often been employed as a slur against people of Latin heritage. I think it should be used from now on as simply a way of denoting a small, minuscule bit of material: "Geez, man, I bit into that taco and it cracked, you know? And I got a spic of the shell in my eye."

CHINK: We've all heard this stupid sounding word used hurtfully against Asian Americans. That's not appropriate. Maybe it should be used from now on only as a way of describing a crack or a chip in an item: "You no going to be able to stir fry that beef in that wok. That wok got a chink in it."

DRUNK: This is a word I've heard used over and over again to coarsely describe my own Irish American ancestors. I'm sick of it. I think that this word should be used from now on to describe empty bottles: "Those Guinness bottles were empty since I drunk 'em all, and since Tommy wouldn't give me another one I punched the bastard."

Then again, I have a sense of humor and I grew up on Blazing Saddles, so maybe I'm way off in left field, here.

Labels: Humor, News