Inspired by MCF, I went to Google to find out what the rest of the net is saying about me.

My search was aided by Googlism, which made this fairly quick and easy. I'm glad to see that my reputation precedes me:

• "Darrell is now focused on debates in contemporary ethical theory and will return to kant in graduate school."
  
  Actually, Immanuel Kant was starting to bore me. If only he'd used more limericks.



• "Darrell is triumphant again."
  
  And that is why I've been walking around in a jaunty fashion.



• "Darrell is a walking textbook of modern metal guitar techniques."
  
  You should hear me shread the solo in "Running With The Devil"



• "Darrell is very highly regarded by educators throughout New Hampshire and New England."
  
  Nobody ... and I mean NOBODY ... cleans erasers as well as I do. (No, unfortunately, "cleaning erasers" is not a euphemism.)



• "Darrell is available for special commissioned artwork."
  
  My pieces are bold and unconventional, but never pretentious. I think of myself as the finger-painter of the common man.



• "Darrell is more than just a respected nba point guard."
  
  Yes! Finally, SOMEBODY notices that I'm ALSO a snappy dresser!



• "Darrell is a member of the 'ving tsun athletic assn.'"
  
  And if you don't know what it is, how do you know we've misspelled it?



• "Darrell is married to his best friend."
  
  And boy oh boy is HE going to be surprised when he finds out!



• "Darrell is cleaning up the mess."
  
  Well, SOMEBODY has to, dammit.



• "Darrell is in charge of the lab."
  
  And tonight, at the stroke of midnight, we shall give me creation LIFE! Yes, LIFE, do you hear me?!? MWAAA HAA HAA HA HA HA!"
  
  
• "Darrell is busting."
  
  That's BUSY, not BUSTING. Not BUSTY, either. Just BUSY. Can we drop this topic, please?



• "Darrell is the cutest boy in our class."
  
  Are you just saying that because I'm the ONLY boy in class?



• "Darrell is one of the true honky."
  
  I prefer the term "white n' nerdy," thank you. Keepin' it real.



• "Darrell is also involved with a fecal analysis."
  
  Yes, but not voluntarily.

I checked Googlism for info on my wife, and found undeniable truth:

• "Wendy is not a dolphin."
  
  That's right. Those grunting, squeeling sounds she makes? No, they're not her way of communicating.

Since Googlism's data about Wendy and me turned out to be so accurate, I figured I'd look up a few other bloggers. It's no surprise that the info I found about them is amazingly on-target. For instance:

"Otis is a magical turtle."

Well, duh. Just look at the guy."

"MCF is one of the leading infectious diseases of bison."

You don't want to know how the bison contract the disease.

"Pastor Scott is willing to conduct clinics for your city."

Just don't tell him that I volunteered him.

"Cube is as mysterious as its power to awaken truth."

Mysterious is right. Some of us didn't even know she was a lady until recently!

"Lorna is a keen cellist and alto saxophonist."

And you haven't lived until you've seen her play both at the same time. We've begged her to join Midnight Zamboni.

"Kelly is wanted for going to see the Harlem Globetrotters."

Dammit, she KNEW about that restraining order.

"Unseen is so heady you'll want to lose yourself right alongside him."

I think we've all experiened that for ourselves.

"Rey is trying to cripple the national forest management act."

I pity the fool who steps in his way.

"Jerry is a heroic yet goofy gourd."

We've all seen a million goofy gourds, and several heroic ones. Only Jerry is a goofy AND heroic gourd.

"Kristine is in awe of how the lord used her music to touch the lives of many people."

Well, I, for one, can't get the song out of my head now. Only electro-shock therapy was able to remove the images.

Some of you have names like Ms. Elenaeous and 4HisChurch, and Googlism didn't know what to make of you. For the rest, though, I don't think there's any denying that Googlism hit the nails on the heads.