This is Billy Ray.

Billy Ray is a good ol' boy. He's a blue-collar guy. Billy Ray has a job down at the local widget factory where he sits in an air-conditioned control room and pushes a button about fifteen times in an eight-hour shift. For this, Billy Ray earns $28.00 an hour. Sometimes, if Billy Ray isn't worn out from a hard shift of button pushing, he'll will work an extra shift on overtime at a pay rate of time-and-one-half. For that, he'll earn $42 an hour. By way of comparison, uniformed policemen and detectives have averaged about $26.99 an hour. Professional firemen make about $16.23 an hour.

Billy Ray didn't get his job by being the smartest guy at the factory (he isn't) or by knowing the most about the widget production process (he doesn't). Billy Ray got his job as a matter of seniority. You see, Billy Ray's Widget factory is a union labor facility, and at union labor facilities, seniority rules. Considerations such as merit, work ethic, brains, and honesty aren't a consideration. If you're a union labor worker, you'll get nothing more than what you're afforded by your employee number and the slow march of time. Billy Ray has been at the widget factory for 29 years. By seniority rule, he gets the job that involves the air-conditioned control room and the button pushing.

You might think that Billy Ray has a pretty good life. You'd be wrong. You see, Billy Ray lives with a secret shame that haunts his every waking hour.

Billy Ray's main enjoyment in life is bass fishing, and he likes to spend his free time at the local lake on his bass boat, tooling along, drinking Bud, and fishing for ten or twelve hours at a time. But lately, Billy Ray hasn't been able to enjoy bass fishing as much as he used to. Shame is taking it's toll.

The thing is, a lot of the bass fishermen at the lake where Billy Ray fishes have brand new bass boats … and Billy Ray has to endure the humiliation of fishing from a bass boat that is almost three years old.

That's where we come in.

We're B.U.B.B.A.
The Brotherhood of Union
Bass Boat Anglers.

It's B.U.B.B.A.'s mission to make sure that no labor union employee has to endure the torment and indignity of owning a bass boat that's more than one year old.

You can imagine the heartache that Billy Ray experiences, puttering along on the lake, looking at doctors and lawyers with brand new bass boats. It's gotten to the point where Billy Ray can hardly see to bait his hook for the tears. This is insufferable.

Clearly, the company Billy Ray works for has to increase his wages. Billy Ray can't afford a new bass boat, what with the payments on his brand new Ford F-150, Mrs. Billy Ray's quarterly shopping trips to Pigeon Forge, and the price of Billy Ray Jr.'s Mustang. If Billy Ray is going to have the new bass boat that he deserves, somebody is going to have to work for it.

Won't you join together with B.U.B.B.A. and help Billy Ray get a new bass boat?

Frequently Asked Questions:

Q: I work at the same widget factory as Billy Ray, but I only have four years seniority. What can I do to help Billy Ray get his new bass boat?

A: An excellent question. Not only can you help Billy Ray get his new bass boat, but you have an important role in the process. When your labor contract expires, if the company doesn't offer a raise sufficient for Billy Ray to be able to afford his bass boat, you can join Billy Ray and vote to go on strike.

Q: A strike?! But won't that involve missed wages, a long time off of work, and maybe falling behind on my own house payments?

A: Oh, you don't have to worry about those kinds of things. Billy Ray missed 94 days of work when the union last voted to strike back in '79, and the bank didn't take away Billy Ray's home. His first home, that is. Of course, he doesn't live there now. These days, Billy Ray has a nice big six acre spread up in the country, but that's not the point.

Q: But wait … back in '79, almost all of the banks in this area were locally owned. The strike hurt the banks as much as it hurt anyone. Of course they didn't foreclose on anyone back then; what were they gonna do, repo two thirds of the property they had leans on? These days, the banks aren't locally owned. My mortgage, in fact, is through a huge banking conglomerate that couldn't care less about a labor strike in some backwater town in the boondocks. Don't I stand a real chance of losing my home? And, besides, in '79, didn't the union end up backing down and taking the same offer that the company originally made?

A: Listen here, you little snot-nose. You wouldn't have anything if it weren't for the union. The labor union is the only reason this factory pays a decent wage in the first place, so if we tell you to strike, you strike. If we say jump, you say how high. If we say sh!t, you ask how much. Got that?

Q: Well, I'm not sure if I agree. I'm not even sure if I support labor unions. For one thing, they're notoriously corrupt. For another thing, they take my money in the form of union dues and spend it on campaigns for politicians that I don't support personally. Then, they cook the books to hide those expenses, and the law allows them to get away with it. Maybe labor unions are really an anachronism in this day and age. Maybe labor unions really keep American industry from being competitive and end up costing us jobs. Maybe that's why we've lost so many jobs to factories in other countries. Hell, maybe the way unions bleed companies to death and protect lazy, arrogant workers is the main reason that so many companies have taken their factories to other countries. I think it's possible that unions really do more harm than good these days.

A: Look, what the hell are you, some kind of communist?

Q: What? That doesn't make any sense. Do you even know what communism is? What a minute, I've got the Q, you've got the A. Aren't I supposed to be the one asking the questions? Everything is all screwed up.

A: Well, I'm glad we agree on something, boy. In a world where a decent fellar like Billy Ray can't have a new bass boat, everything is all screwed up.

Remember, you don't have to be a union employee in order to support B.U.B.B.A. All you have to do is be a leftist. Help spread the word that labor unions are the good guys and that they are all that protects the workin' man from the greed of corporate America. Never mind the fact that everyone who buys Coca Cola, watches TV or wears Levis really is corporate America. And don't go worrying yourself about Billy Ray's other expenses. That Ford truck will be paid off in a month, Billy Ray will be able to drive it down to the picket line every day.

To support B.U.B.B.A., send your check to

Brotherhood of Union Bass Boat Anglers
1515 Backwater Road,
Boondocks, VA 12345

For your low one-time contribution of $500, you'll receive your very own B.U.B.B.A. travel mug.

Remember, labor is the backbone of America, and Billy Ray is counting on you.