MCF and Otis got me thinking about the new Weird Al song, White & Nerdy,... and I ended up pondering the song's greater implications with regard to race, culture, all that crap.

White & Nerdy is a parody of the godawful hiphop song Ridin' by some idiot who alls himself Chamillionaire. That song got played about a million times on the radio and on the music video channels during Chamillionare's fifteen minutes, and I got so sick of it. I absolutely despise that stupid song, so my gut reaction to the new Weird Al song was negative. Then I saw the video on TV the other morning and found myself laughing at the lyrics.

Here's the video, in case you haven't seen it:

At first I was laughing in a condescending way:

Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
MC Escher - that's my favorite MC
Keep your 40, I'll just have an Earl Grey tea

HA HA! Right? He's totally right because that stuff is soooo nerdy, right? Because, you know, Dungeons and Dragons and hot tea, that stuff is for losers, right? Plus, he also makes fun of Star Trek and MySpace and Happy Days! HA HA! Looooosers!

A little later in the song, Al got personal:

I've been browsin', inspectin'
X-Men comics, you know I collect 'em
The pens in my pocket, I must protect 'em
My ergonomic keyboard never leaves me bored
Shopping online for deals on some writable media
I edit Wikipedia
I memorized Holy Grail really well
I can recite it right now and have you ROTFLOL
I got a business doing websites
When my friends need some code, who do they call?
I do html for 'em all
Even made a homepage for my dog

OK, let's see... collecting comics, personal home page, Wikipedia, memorizing huge chunks of Holy Grail, writing html for your friends... Alright, maybe Al has been spying on me.

I figured I'd better take the test:

How White and Nerdy Are You?

Fine, yes, I'm far too white and nerdy and I know it. In fact, it's entirely possible that I've written an entry at my personal home page (actually, this blog) about X-Men and quoted Holy Grail all at once, complete with Wikipedia links inserted in just the right html code. Because, you know, all that stuff is for losers. ;)

This new Weird Al song reminds me of my all time favorite Weird Al song, All About The Pentiums, which also hits home with me, big nerd that I am:

Installed a T1 line in my house
Always at my PC, double-clickin' on my mizzz-ouse
Upgrade my system at least twice a day
I'm strictly plug-and-play, I ain't afraid of Y2K

On the mizzz-ouse fa shizzle. You know it, dog.

Your database is a disaster
You're waxin' your modem, tryin' to make it go faster
Hey fella, I bet you're still livin' in your parents' cellar
Downloadin' pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar
And postin' "Me too!" like some brain-dead AOL-er

"Me too!" HA HA! Because, back in the day, you know what I'm sayin', way way back in the USENET day, I used to totally FLAME those trolls!

You've got your own newsgroup,
"alt.total-loser"

HA HA HA! And you probably think that the "alt" in "alt" newsgroups stands for "alternate," right? WRONG! HA HA HA! I'm soooo much cooler than you.

Play me online? Well, you know that I'll beat you
If I ever meet you I'll control-alt-delete you. What?!

Word to your motherboard.

But, I digress.

As funny as the new Weird Al song is, I couldn't help but think about other aspects of it. For one thing, it hinges on stereotypes about white people, like me. And, yes, those stereotypes are funny. And it's safe to laugh at those stereotypes because, after all, it's safe to mock white people. So, ha ha, good show Al, you've still got it.

But what about other stereotypes about other races?

I have to wonder if I'd be considered a bigot by the world at large because I also occasionally laugh at stereotypical ideas about races, colors and creeds that aren't white.

I wrote the other day about how George Allen is catching hell because some people say he's used the word "nigger" in the past. I said then, and I honestly believe, that Allen is being attacked on this basis because his political enemies don't have anything else to attack him with.

But here's the thing: Allen says he can't remember having ever used the word "nigger" in his life, and that's just silly.

The thing is, is it possible for a public figure to be honest about these kinds of things? Is it possible for him to say something like "Oh, sure, I've said stupid things in the past, like everyone else. I've probably also made racially insensitive remarks during times when I wasn't thinking about the real importance of that kind of thing. I regret it, I make an effort not to do it, and I'm really more interested in talking about the real issues than I am in trying to make a laundry list of every time I've ever used the so-called "n" word."

I guess he'd be hung out to dry if he ever said something like that.

So, in the interest of self preservation, I want to make a few confessions. Here's where I'm coming from: I guess it's possible that someday, somewhere down the line, I'll lose my mind to the point where I think about running for office. God, I hope not. I really hope I'd never actually want to get involved in politics. But I might. I've done crazy crap before. So, in an effort to derail any political chances I might aspire to in the future, let me drop this smart-bomb right now. There's no chance of me ever being elected dog-catcher or anything else with the following confessions floating around in the Google cache for God knows how long.

Ready? Here's the details of my racially insensitive past. Consider this full disclosure. I'm throwing out there everything I can think of, even if it's marginally relevant:

• I've used the n-word more times than I could begin to remember. The main reason for this is because I used to listen to a lot of NWA and Ice-T and other gangsta rap when I was young and dumb… and I used to rap along. Not all of my uses of the n-word were in the wigger tradition. I'm also a Guns N' Roses fan and I've sung along with them a million times. Nowadays I don't use the word for any reason, unless the word itself is the topic of conversation, because I just don't have any need to use it or any desire to use it. Besides, using that word just makes people look stupid.



• I do not think that there's a real difference between "nigga" and "nigger." Same word. Don't BS me.



• But... context is everything. I think that Chris Rock's bit from ten years ago about the difference between "black people and niggers" is one of the funniest bits of stand-up ever recorded.



• I own, on cassette, the Richard Pryor album That Nigger's Crazy. I think it's brilliant. It might actually be counterproductive, though, for me to admit that I think the funniest bit on the whole album is his material about how overly-formal and starchy white people can be. ("Say, dear, do you think we'll be having sexual intercourse this evening? No? Oh, well! Pass the potatoes!")



• I am not a fan of Chappelle's Show. I've always thought that Dave Chappelle was over-rated. I did laugh like crazy, though, at one bit I saw him do about how he believed that if black people ever got the reparations that some of them demand, they'd waste it on 40 oz's and spinning rims and bling, etc. Now, from what I've read, Dave Chapelle believes that only other black people should be allowed to laugh at his material about black people, no matter how funny it is. I chalk that up to him being a drug-addled, spoiled, rich asshole. And, no, I don't feel sorry for the poor little rich boy any more than I ever felt sorry for this poor little rich boy.



• John Leguizamo's Spic-O-Rama made me laugh like crazy.



• I hate Margaret Cho, and I always have. Even before I knew she was a flaming liberal nutball, I thought she was about as funny as an infected wart. Her material about her parents, wherein she just does this stereotypical impression of her immigrant mother, disgusts me. She sounds like some moron jock trying to impress his buddies by behaving obnoxiously at a Chinese restaurant.



• I think Larry The Cable Guy is an idiot. I've written about that in the past.



• I despise the current version of hip hop. I do like Outkast, and the new Gnarls Barkley album is my second favorite album of the whole year so far... but I'm told that real hip-hop fans consider those groups to be sell-outs, not black enough, not "real" enough, whatever. A co-worker of mine, a white guy who thinks of himself as an authority on these matters, told me that those bands were "soft, fake nigger shit." I shrugged.



• I don't like Oprah's show, but I respect her a lot for having made the American dream come true.



• I think Michael Jordan is one of the most admirable people ever.



• The only element of the movie Bruce Almighty that appealed to me was the idea of God looking like Morgan Freeman. I think that Morgan Freeman is the most avuncular person alive, although it's probably somehow subconsciously racist for me to talk about a black man in the context of him seeming like an "uncle."



• I think that Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton and Lous Farakhan are all race-obsessed morons.



• I think that Michael Steele, a black Republican, is the greatest politician in America today.



• OJ did it. Period.



• My all time favorite comedy is the racially inflammatory Blazing Saddles.



• If I hear a racially or culturally insensitive, politically incorrect joke… and it's actually funny, I'll laugh at it. What's more, if I run into somebody who I know will also think it's funny, I'll tell said joke to him or her.

There ya go! A Weird Al post and a racially irresponsible rant all rolled into one. Now, where else ya gonna find that?