I'm texting from the Amtrack station as I purchase my train tickets. To heck with little faces in need of a washing, your time has come, hillbillyman.
 

HA HA HA HA HA HA!

As much as I'd like to take credit for this wonderful work of art, I have to admit, I haven't got the skills to put it together. I had an accomplice... but you can tie me to a chair in a cold room lit only by one swinging 40 watt bulb and pistol whip me until... until... until I begin to like being pistol whipped... and I still won't squeal!
 

Mysterious...who could do such a thing?!

I bet it was that *NAME HIDDEN* with the bandages. You can't trust a blogger who conceals his or her identity behind a clever disguise...
 

HAR!!! You guys are TOO MUCH.