MCF strikes again:

1) Does the departure of any one radio disc jockey, no matter who it is, merit a radio station changing its name, firing some DJs, and hiring others as they rearrange their schedule? I'm thinking specifically of 92.3 KROCK, soon to be known as “92.3 FREE”, but readers are free to answer the question on general principal.

I worked in radio for eight years. I don't know that I can answer the question, but I can damn sure give an opinion.

First of all, don't worry about the DJs who got fired. They saw it coming. DJs wonder when the bomb will drop every day of their lives. Radio is a transient industry.

The thing is, Stern isn't just a DJ. He's one of those guys who lays the foundation for the entire identity of a station. Even the other 27 Infinity Broadcasting syndicate stations around the country who carry the Stern program are though of as "the Stern station" in their market.

Syndicating has really changed what radio is. It used to be that each station really did try to build a separate and unique identity, and when you were listening to a given station, you were (for all intents and purposes) hearing a truly unique on-air product. Now, with a number of broadcast companies owning between them what seems like every damned radio station in the US, all we really get is variations on a few select flavors. It's just repackaging the same products over and over again... because, as consumers, we've proven that we'll settle for that. In fact, we prefer it. We prefer familiarity to even the most trivial forms of risk.

Think about it this way: It's like Mello Yello and Mountain Dew. They're both essentially the same soft drink, but one is marketed by Coca Cola and the other by PepsiCo. They both want you to believe that their product is unique and different, but once you try them both, you know they're the same thing. It's the same in radio. Go from town to town and city to city and you'll realize that the broadcast companies are competing with each other by each offering at various outlets their different "flavors" of radio (rock, urban, country, whatever)... but once you've heard one "rock" station, you've heard them all. Once you've heard one "pop" station, you've heard them all. To continue my soda analogy, it's all the same bubbly, sugary water with nothing special in it. It's all empty calories.

The thing about somebody like Stern is that he does have something a little bit more unique to offer. Any rock station can play the latest Coldplay record, and all of the ones who are doing so are essentially the same... but the station's that broadcast Stern can position themselves in their marketplace as the "Stern station," a claim that no other station in the area can boast (because of market exclusivity rights) regardless of the rest of their format.

The fact that Stern has been able to create his own unique and highly successful niche by appealing to the lowest common denominator is another matter. It's especially frustrating when you realize that Stern is one hell of a smart guy. He really could have done something worthwhile, he just wasn't interested in doing so, I suppose.

The changes taking place at K-Rock aren't simply a matter of one station over-reacting to a DJ's departure. Broadcast FM stations are worried that they're really losing listeners to the pay-radio satellite stations. Having Stern go to Sirus is major because this is the first time that a MAJOR name in broadcast radio has defected to satellite radio. It's like when Milton Berle deftect from radio to television. It seemed like a risky move at the time. Everybody had radio... TVs, however, were new-fangled and expensive and uncommon. Berle's gamble paid off, though... and soon television had not only snagged him from radio, they also snagged Edward R. Murrow and Jackie Gleason and Walter Winchell and on and on and on.

Stern's syndicate network, Infinity, is really getting worried. They're repositioning themselves partly in response to Stern's departure... which they'd do anyway even if he were simply retiring... but a big part of the nature of this major repositioning is because he's leaving for a competitor. And not just a competitor across town or in another state... he's leaving for what amounts to another medium. Infinity is repositioning everything about many of their stations as a way to aggressively market against satellite radio. 92.3 FREE is just one part of Infinity's Free FM repositioning scheme for a number of their stations.

FM will survive Stern's departure, of course, although the smut-merchants like Stern are going to end up entirely available through the satellite stations. It makes the most sense for everyone: The smut peddlers won't have to censor themselves or worry about FCC crack-downs. The station owners won't have to worry about FCC fines or sensitive advertisers. People who object to Stern-style content on broadcast radio surely see this as a victory, too. It's a win-win, in my opinion. It's just a matter of how long it will take FM to get over this identity crisis. In the best of all possible worlds, five years from now we'll find it hard to believe that Stern was ever on FM radio... just like it's hard to believe that Uncle Miltie..."Mr. Television" himself... was ever on the radio.

So the answer to your question... in my opinion... is that it's both far more complicated and far simpler than the average listener realizes.

2) What's the absolute worst last-minute gift you've ever given someone, and how do you feel about it today?

Heck, I dunno. A gift certificate? That's probably the worst thing to give someone, and yet I am always glad to receive them.

3) Which song would you say most influenced and/or changed your taste in music?

I thought I hated bluegrass music until I heard Tony Rice's version of "Poor Wayfaring Stranger," and fell in love with it immediately. To this day it's one of my favorite songs and opened up the whole world of bluegrass music for me. If you ever get interested in bluegrass, go get Tony Rice's album Cold on the Shoulder... one of my ten favorite albums of all time. It's amazing. AMAZING.

4) You can either have a passive mental super power, or an active physical one. Which would you prefer and why?

What's a passive mental power? Like the power to do nothing? If so, I already have a number of passive mental AND physical powers. If I could have any super-power in the world, it would be the ability to turn trees into pigs with the touch of my hand. Then nobody could say "Yeah, but he's really just Marvel's version of such-and-such character."

5) Would you be comfortable with fame?

No, I am not.

6) Since people thought the last test was too hard, I'll throw in an easy one: list as many prepositions as you'd like.

Uh... Preposition-H? That's the only one I can think of.