Tuesday, September 06, 2005
The SouthCon True Hollywood Story, Sept 6, 2005
Canadian songbird/stork hybrid Celine Dion has criticized the Bush administration's response to Hurricane Katrina, and lashed out at law enforcement officials who are trying to stop looting in the ravaged city of New Orleans. "I open the television, there's people still there, waiting to be rescued, and for me it's not acceptable, Celine railed on Larry King Live. The number of Katrina victims currently waiting for rescue inside Celine Dion's television is still unknown at this time. Regarding looters, the "My Heart Will Go On" singer said "...they're stealing 20 pair of jeans or they're stealing television sets... Maybe those people are so poor, some of the people who do that, they're so poor they've never touched anything in their lives. Let them touch those things for once." In response, federal authorities have abandoned rescue efforts and are now air-dropping televisions and blue jeans on the greater New Orleans area.
For some celebrities, participating in hurricane-relief fundraisers and donating money isn't enough. In a daring and courageous act, actor/director Sean Penn flew to New Orleans (with his entourage and a personal photographer), surveyed the damage, assessed the rescue efforts, and with no regard at all for his personal safety, bravely sank one of the rescue boats. All Headline News reports: Penn had planned to rescue children and adults in the flood waters, but apparently forgot to plug a hole in the bottom of the vessel, which began taking water within seconds of its launch. Penn who is known for his political activism, was seen wearing what appeared to be a white flak jacket and frantically bailing water out of the sinking vessel with a red plastic cup. As the boat sank, Penn could be heard shrieking "I've been to Iraq! I've been to Iraq! I've been t-bbbb bubbb blubb blub blubbb blubbb..." Crestfallen rescue workers placed a call to several major Hollywood studios, saying that since Spicoli hadn't worked out so well, maybe they could send Bill and Ted, Jay and Silent Bob, or possibly the cast of Wayne's World.
Speaking of the cast of Wayne's World, Mike Meyers seemed about to hurl during a September 2nd NBC hurricane-relief fund-raiser when his co-presenter, Kanye West, did a little "free styling." Abandoning pre-scripted remarks designed to elicit donations for the Red Cross, rapper West attacked President Bush and stated that he believed that the delay in rescuing some victims in New Orleans was racially motivated. At least, that may be the message he was trying to convey: "You see a black family, it says, 'They're looting.' You see a white family, it says, 'They're looking for food.' And, you know, it's been five days because most of the people are black... I've even been shopping before even giving a donation, so now I'm calling my business manager right now to see what is the biggest amount I can give, and just to imagine if I was down there.... and those are my people down there. So anybody out there that wants to do anything that we can help, with the way America is set up to help the poor, the black people, the less well-off, as slow as possible... George Bush doesn't care about black people." Rolling Stone has called West a "sentimental R&B-poet," and it's easy to see why, given the eloquent command of the English language that he displayed last Friday.
Not all rap artists are as willing to "keep it real" as Kanye West is. Rapper and actor Nick Cannon, for instance, has released a new album called Stages, the first single from which is called "Can I Live." Breaking with rap music's time honored tradition of foul language, glorification of violence, and lyrical themes about rape and brutality, Cannon's "Can I Live" is a pro-life song in which Cannon thanks his mother for not aborting him when she conceived him at the age of seventeen. The premise of the song features Cannon speaking to his mother from within the womb, and the lyrics are, in part: Mommy I don't like this clinic / Hopefully you'll make the right decision / And don't go through with the knife decision / But it's hard to make the right move / when you in high school / how you have to work all day and take night school / hopping off the bus when the rain is pouring / what you want, morning sickness or the sickness of mourning? The video for the song features Cannon singing while hugging his real-life mother, and a chorus of children wearing t-shirts with the song's title emblazoned upon them. The song is smart, thoughtful, and unique, with a memorable melody and lyrics that could be sung in any church. It may be the most worthwhile rap song ever recorded. It's sure to be an abysmal commercial failure.
Wrapping today with a sad story, it seems that actor Bob Denver died last Friday at the age of 70. Denver is best known for having played Gilligan on the campy cult-favorite TV show Gilligan's Island, and for having played Maynard G. Krebs, the "hip" best friend to the title character on The Many Loves Of Doby Gillis. In 1998, Denver was busted for receiving a Fed Ex delivery of 30 grams of marijuana, and it has long been rumored that Dawn Wells, who played Mary Anne on Gilligan's Island, was his supplier. In fact, it's believed by many that authorities wanted Denver to cooperate in naming Wells. His check-book, it is said, contained several entries logging suspicious payments to Wells. Denver never identified Wells, or anyone else for that matter, insisting that the package must have been from a "crazy fan," even after authorities trashed his home and confiscated his marijuana pipes. Rather than rat anyone out, Denver took the punishment dealt out to him, six months of probation. Good job, little buddy. Good job.Click here for the previous SouthCon True Hollywood Story.
Labels: Greatest Hits, Humor, True Hollywood Report
Permalink -- Posted by Darrell at 20:55 
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I love this feature on SoCon. Absolutely LOVE it.
You know, the looting/looking for food thing was the one aspect of his gibberish that I wondered about, although from that his logic should lead to a criticism of the press rather than a leap to calling the president racist. It was an emotional collection of non sequiters, but I have seen what he described in various reports. Then a buddy of mine pointed out today that while the people taking food are carrying groceries, the people "accused" of looting can be seen carrying big flatscreen televisions which, while pretty useless without electricity, are still great status symbols.
Seriously, this countrie's priorities are kind of screwed up when necessities include Sony products over say milk. I can only conclude that George Bush doesn't care about couch potatoes.
The whole "spicoli" bit had me rolling. This really is a strong feature. =)
You know, the looting/looking for food thing was the one aspect of his gibberish that I wondered about, although from that his logic should lead to a criticism of the press rather than a leap to calling the president racist. It was an emotional collection of non sequiters, but I have seen what he described in various reports. Then a buddy of mine pointed out today that while the people taking food are carrying groceries, the people "accused" of looting can be seen carrying big flatscreen televisions which, while pretty useless without electricity, are still great status symbols.
Seriously, this countrie's priorities are kind of screwed up when necessities include Sony products over say milk. I can only conclude that George Bush doesn't care about couch potatoes.
The whole "spicoli" bit had me rolling. This really is a strong feature. =)
Hey, I was watching TV the other day and I saw one boat floating by where all the others were devastated. According to the coverage, there's some retarded guy and a Vietnam Veteran who are currently making a fortune by monopolizing the area shrimp industry in the wake of the hurricane. This, after all the other fishermen have been left with no livelihood. Greedy bastards.
Saul from Kansas
Saul from Kansas
# posted by 
: 11:00 PM
: 11:00 PM
Thanks for the praise, you guys.
Saul: there's some retarded guy and a Vietnam Veteran who are currently making a fortune by monopolizing the area shrimp industry
It just goes to prove that life really is like a box of chocolates.
Saul: there's some retarded guy and a Vietnam Veteran who are currently making a fortune by monopolizing the area shrimp industry
It just goes to prove that life really is like a box of chocolates.
Sort of makes me wish I was a liberal, left-wing screw-up celebrity just so I could make it into TSTHS
The Excellence in Blogging Award goes to YOU!
Great post.
I hate when celebs start shooting off their mouths (without facts or reason). Wait a little bit first and find out what really happened before blaming and blubbering!
And, Sean Penn!! PLEASE stick to acting. Like HE was really going to save the day in New Orleans.
Where's my TV?????
Great post.
I hate when celebs start shooting off their mouths (without facts or reason). Wait a little bit first and find out what really happened before blaming and blubbering!
And, Sean Penn!! PLEASE stick to acting. Like HE was really going to save the day in New Orleans.
Where's my TV?????
"Like HE was really going to save the day in New Orleans."
I'm sure he thought he could accomplish more than you... who is not in New Orleans, with or without a boat with a hole in it.
Sweet Jesus. Can we lay off of the man already? Make fun of Kanye West, he deserves it. But spitting on a man who left that wonderland of a place called Hollywood to literally dive in and help with the relief effort seriously makes you look like a jackass.
and... "Sort of makes me wish I was a liberal, left-wing screw-up celebrity just so I could make it into TSTHS"
Granted, you may have to be a liberal to be satarized on this particular page with these particular South Park-ian illustrations, however let's not forget that there is a plethora of conservative candidates for shameful satarization: Dubya, Rove, Coulter, Robertson, etc.
I'm sure he thought he could accomplish more than you... who is not in New Orleans, with or without a boat with a hole in it.
Sweet Jesus. Can we lay off of the man already? Make fun of Kanye West, he deserves it. But spitting on a man who left that wonderland of a place called Hollywood to literally dive in and help with the relief effort seriously makes you look like a jackass.
and... "Sort of makes me wish I was a liberal, left-wing screw-up celebrity just so I could make it into TSTHS"
Granted, you may have to be a liberal to be satarized on this particular page with these particular South Park-ian illustrations, however let's not forget that there is a plethora of conservative candidates for shameful satarization: Dubya, Rove, Coulter, Robertson, etc.
Matthew, everything Sean Penn has done in the past five or six hears has been one text-book example of hubris after another. Nobody deserves to be satirized more than he does. Traveling to New Orleans with his entourage and personal photographer is a good indication of how seriously he took his own efforts. He must think life is one big movie.
The internet and the media are full of sources for satire of the people you mentioned. Look elsewhere for that kind of satire, you won't have to look for very long. Yes, I am usually disgusted by the public remarks of Coulter and Robertson, but I'm not "in the business" of mocking people on the right. The name of this blog ought to make that obvious. Feel free to mock them at your blog if you can come up with a few jokes. It shouldn't be too hard.
The internet and the media are full of sources for satire of the people you mentioned. Look elsewhere for that kind of satire, you won't have to look for very long. Yes, I am usually disgusted by the public remarks of Coulter and Robertson, but I'm not "in the business" of mocking people on the right. The name of this blog ought to make that obvious. Feel free to mock them at your blog if you can come up with a few jokes. It shouldn't be too hard.
Wow. "Hubris." Excellent word. Well placed, too, inside a sentence that cannot be proven or even reasoned, but still makes it sound like you know what you're talking about and your point is indefensible.
“The internet and the media are full of sources for satire of the people you mentioned. Look elsewhere…”
Elsewhere? Somewhere other than the internet and the media? What, like nature? Ooh, funny how that came up… I did see a bush impersonating, well, Bush the other day. Uncanny… had the mannerisms down and everything.
Jamie: My apologies… Huge breach in both etiquette and grammar on my part. “Sound like a Jackass”
My whole point is this: I love satire. I enjoy it no matter which way it is directed. But to satirize the efforts of a man you don’t like because of his past and his methods while he is saving peoples lives during a horrible tragedy... Bad form.
“The internet and the media are full of sources for satire of the people you mentioned. Look elsewhere…”
Elsewhere? Somewhere other than the internet and the media? What, like nature? Ooh, funny how that came up… I did see a bush impersonating, well, Bush the other day. Uncanny… had the mannerisms down and everything.
Jamie: My apologies… Huge breach in both etiquette and grammar on my part. “Sound like a Jackass”
My whole point is this: I love satire. I enjoy it no matter which way it is directed. But to satirize the efforts of a man you don’t like because of his past and his methods while he is saving peoples lives during a horrible tragedy... Bad form.
Rockel: Wow. "Hubris." Excellent word. Well placed, too, inside a sentence that cannot be proven or even reasoned, but still makes it sound like you know what you're talking about
Damn. You caught me, Matt. 15 cent words are the sole property of liberals like you, and if a conservative uses it, at best he can hope to "sound like he knows what he's talking about." Sorry, I won't do it again.
Elsewhere? Somewhere other than the internet and the media?
Go back and re-read the original sentence. You're really stretching here. Is it the best you can come up with?
But to satirize the efforts of a man you don’t like because of his past and his methods while he is saving peoples lives during a horrible tragedy... Bad form.
I satirized a guy who's self-important enough to apparently think he's capable of anything, including saving lives during a natural disaster. If that kind of self-importance isn't something to mock, I don't know what is... unless it's the obvious target of a liberal with his head so far up his ass that he can't see what an obvious target that Sean Penn is.
Damn. You caught me, Matt. 15 cent words are the sole property of liberals like you, and if a conservative uses it, at best he can hope to "sound like he knows what he's talking about." Sorry, I won't do it again.
Elsewhere? Somewhere other than the internet and the media?
Go back and re-read the original sentence. You're really stretching here. Is it the best you can come up with?
But to satirize the efforts of a man you don’t like because of his past and his methods while he is saving peoples lives during a horrible tragedy... Bad form.
I satirized a guy who's self-important enough to apparently think he's capable of anything, including saving lives during a natural disaster. If that kind of self-importance isn't something to mock, I don't know what is... unless it's the obvious target of a liberal with his head so far up his ass that he can't see what an obvious target that Sean Penn is.
Observe how witty I am as I tell you to go back and re-read my comment concerning the 15 cent word. The word I liked. The sentence structure and paragraph surrounding it laden with rhetoric, hyperbole, and universal statements was where I found the need to criticize.
The “elsewhere” comment still makes no sense to me... I’ll assume this is my shortcoming.
I realize a lot of this rests on the presence of photographers... specifically photographers hired by Mr. Penn. Again, I don’t care about who had the cameras or what anyone’s intentions were in going. I do not profess Mr. Penn to be a savior of mankind. But for the few people that he was able to pull to safety in his hole-y vessel... I don’t think those people gave too much of a shit if his “entourage” was along for the ride.
“I satirized a guy who's self-important enough to apparently think he's capable of anything, including saving lives during a natural disaster. If that kind of self-importance isn't something to mock, I don't know what is...”
So it’s OK to help (i.e. – handing out clothing and toiletries), as long as one doesn’t attempt to save lives? That makes one self-important? I think you are to be congratulated, Darrell, for being so non-self-important that not only do you not attempt to help save the lives of people in despair, but you also make fun of the people that do. That is true selflessness.
Alright, you know what… I’ll keep my head up my ass. Because even my ass doesn’t have that much shit in it.
The “elsewhere” comment still makes no sense to me... I’ll assume this is my shortcoming.
I realize a lot of this rests on the presence of photographers... specifically photographers hired by Mr. Penn. Again, I don’t care about who had the cameras or what anyone’s intentions were in going. I do not profess Mr. Penn to be a savior of mankind. But for the few people that he was able to pull to safety in his hole-y vessel... I don’t think those people gave too much of a shit if his “entourage” was along for the ride.
“I satirized a guy who's self-important enough to apparently think he's capable of anything, including saving lives during a natural disaster. If that kind of self-importance isn't something to mock, I don't know what is...”
So it’s OK to help (i.e. – handing out clothing and toiletries), as long as one doesn’t attempt to save lives? That makes one self-important? I think you are to be congratulated, Darrell, for being so non-self-important that not only do you not attempt to help save the lives of people in despair, but you also make fun of the people that do. That is true selflessness.
Alright, you know what… I’ll keep my head up my ass. Because even my ass doesn’t have that much shit in it.
Rockel: But for the few people that he was able to pull to safety in his hole-y vessel... I don’t think those people gave too much of a shit if his “entourage” was along for the ride.
I have to wonder how many more people might have been saved that day if a trained and prepared "rescuer" had been using the boat that Penn commandeered.
Matt, I really don't mind debate and a little verbal sparing. I think it's kind of fun in the right context... Hidden Blogger and I recently had a lot of fun arguing about U2, for instance. But Matt, man, you're just a dick. Your points about Penn really don't seem to be about Penn at all, it's just a way to try to show your superiority. Beyond that, you've insulted regular readers who've left comments here. there's really no sense in your kind of dialogue. You have my pity, I'm sure you live a miserable life.
You're out of my blogroll, and I don't really see any point in any further discourse between the two of us. Any further comments you post here will be deleted.
I have to wonder how many more people might have been saved that day if a trained and prepared "rescuer" had been using the boat that Penn commandeered.
Matt, I really don't mind debate and a little verbal sparing. I think it's kind of fun in the right context... Hidden Blogger and I recently had a lot of fun arguing about U2, for instance. But Matt, man, you're just a dick. Your points about Penn really don't seem to be about Penn at all, it's just a way to try to show your superiority. Beyond that, you've insulted regular readers who've left comments here. there's really no sense in your kind of dialogue. You have my pity, I'm sure you live a miserable life.
You're out of my blogroll, and I don't really see any point in any further discourse between the two of us. Any further comments you post here will be deleted.
Delete away.
If you would, however, please leave this one comment up long enough for me to sincerely apologize to Jamie, or if not, perhaps pass along my regret to her.
My entire point was not my superiority, but rather to show distaste for something I felt to be in extremely bad form within its context. For me to lash out at one of your loyal readers, no matter what I thought of their words and opinions, was a perfect example of that which I was protesting. I truly am sorry.
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If you would, however, please leave this one comment up long enough for me to sincerely apologize to Jamie, or if not, perhaps pass along my regret to her.
My entire point was not my superiority, but rather to show distaste for something I felt to be in extremely bad form within its context. For me to lash out at one of your loyal readers, no matter what I thought of their words and opinions, was a perfect example of that which I was protesting. I truly am sorry.
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