Jamie Dawn recently mentioned an odd little song that her grandfather taught her when she was young. She asked her readers if they knew any other comparable songs.

That reminded me of The Watch Song.

For better or worse, here’s the story of The Watch Song.

I honestly can’t remember when or how or why I learned it, and I don’t know anything about it’s origins. It’s a song I’ve known since I was a kid. By today’s standards, the lyrics to The Watch Song are pretty tame… but back then, when I was a kid, it was considered smut of the first order. When I was a kid, my friends and I loved The Watch Song, and we’d sing it every chance we got… but always safely away from our parents, lest they hear us singing it and ground us for life.

The Watch Song was one of those secret delights of childhood… something that made us feel older and mature and wise beyond our years when we’d sing it. In terms of artistic value, we considered The Watch Song to be possibly the most important creation of all time.

The lyrics to The Watch Song are, as follows:

I was sittin’ in a bar room,
Drinkin’ my beer,
When a cowboy walked in,
And he made himself clear.
He said “You’ve been seen with my wife.
Now, I want your life.
We can do it outside,
Or we can do it in here.”

Now, I’m a meek minded fellow,
But I’ve never been yellow,
So I stepped outside
And kicked him in the crotch.
That slowed him down,
But, when he came around,
He stomped on me
And he stomped on my watch.

Oh, John Cameron Swayze,
I know this sounds crazy,
But my wristwatch was busted
Beyond repair.
A cowboy stomped it flat,
And I freaked out over that,
And now I am headed
For the electric chair.

When my son was just a baby, I used to sing The Watch Song to him when I was putting him to bed at night.

I didn’t put a lot of thought into it, and if I’d had some small portion of a brain, I’d probably have realized that The Watch Song was a horribly inappropriate song to sing to a baby.

It never crossed my mind, though.

Before my son was two years old, he was capable of singing The Watch Song in it’s entirety.

As you can imagine, his mother was horrified. However, as a dad, I couldn’t have been prouder. I’d introduced my son, and by extension, his whole young generation, to the joy that is The Watch Song.

I mentioned that at Jamie Dawn’s blog this morning, and today, while I was outside, I remembered that I actually had a recording of my son at the age of two, singing The Watch Song.

Of course, these days, he’s an eight year old and he’s deeply concerned about doing or saying anything that might be “uncool.” So in the interest of propriety, I checked with him and I got his permission to post an MP3 of him singing The Watch Song. It was recorded about a month before his second birthday.

This is him now… and as you can see, he’s the very picture of dapper coolness.

This is a picture of him at about the age of two, when he was just beginning to hone his skills as a vocalist.

And the MP3 linked below is my son just before he turned two, singing a wonderful protest song about watches, bar fights, and the death penalty.

I know, I know… parents can get annoying when they try to shove pictures and movies and recordings of their cute kids on people… so just ignore this if you want. Or, if you’re of a mind to, you can click this link, and hear a toddler sing The Watch Song in all of it's glory.

Just please, please don't tell my mom.