Everybody went back to school this week.  

Well, I think everybody did.  I'm not sure if my son started school this week or not.  He lives with his mom during the week, almost two hours away, so he goes to school there.  He starts third grade this year, and for the last three years I've gone down to see him on his first day of school so I could do the whole pictures/videotape thing.  Last year he behaved as though I was forcing him to wear a skirt and sing the Banana Boat Song or something.  It sucks when you realize your kids have gotten to the point where your very presence is an embarrassment.   Last year he made it clear that it was to be the very last year that I would be allowed to videotape him and take his picture on his way into school the first day.  I talked about it with him this summer, and he stood firm.  No more embarrassments from dad on the first day of school.

I'll get over it.

What I know for sure is that Wendy and Liam and Willow went back to school this week.  Willow was excited to go back, and I presume that's because she's a girl and school is an important social situation for girls.  I never thought of it that way, and I can guarantee you that Liam doesn't think of it that way.  Liam's opinion is pretty cut and dry:  "School sucks."

I can relate.  I felt that way about school when I was a kid... but I don't think I took that attitude as early as Liam has.  He's in first grade.  I think I was still enjoying school at that age.  Liam already has it figured out, though.  School is an attempt by "the man" to suppress his individuality and make him conform to the social expectations of the world at large.  School is for the birds.

Part of the problem is that, while he speaks English, Liam often defines words differently than the rest of us do.  So we'll have entire conversations with him and none of us will have any idea what we're talking about.  The other day, when Liam got home from school, he asked us "What town do I live in other than this one?"  We asked him what he meant.  He said, "You know, like I live in this town, but I also live in Virginia."  Ahhh... OK, we thought, maybe we know what he's talking about.  So we told him that he lives in our hometown, which is part of  the state of Virginia, which is part of the nation known as the USA.  Nope.  Wrong answer.  "I KNOW THAT," Liam said, "but what other town do I live in?"  We  kinda shook our heads for a minute and told him that he only lives in one town... and he just rolled his eyes at us and said "But what OTHER TOWN DO I LIVE IN??!!?"

Same language, same words, but two totally different worlds.


It became something like a frenzied contract negotiation, with Liam making demands we didn't understand and us insisting on terms he just couldn't accept.  Finally he started phrasing himself differently, saying things like "Look, I just want to know what else I am."  He wants to know what else he is?  Ah, OK, we thought... what he really wants to know is what nationality he is.  We told him that he's an American, and, as you can imagine, the eye-rolling reached a critical level.  "I know!  But WHAT ELSE AM I??!?!!"  We cycled through a few random answers ("Asian American?  Irish American?  African American?  German?")  Finally, with "German," we hit on one he liked.  Liam proudly proclaimed himself to be a German.  

If that entire difficult hour of angry demands and failed negotiations didn't prove that he is, in fact, German, I don't know what would.  

Wendy started classes at the local community college again this week, and came home with stories to tell about seeing people she hasn't seen since last spring.  One girl in particular seemed memorable.  I think Wendy said her name was "Aja."  Wendy described her in detail:  Aja is very smart.  She's also breathtakingly beautiful.  She has a gorgeous face and a body to die for, she's very popular and very well liked by everyone on campus.

Naturally, Wendy hates her.  

I told her not to waste her time hating Aja because, clearly, the girl is a robot.  She's some kind of synthetic life-form engineered by evil liberal scientists from New England who want to make real women feel bad about themselves and eat lots of Ben N' Jerry's.  

Willow seems to be thrilled to be back in school, although this year she doesn't have any classes with any of the friends she made last year.  That's not an issue, though.  Willow makes friends pretty easily and will make a whole gaggle of new friends this year.  Willow is probably going to blossom into one of the popular little "princesses" at her school over time.  

Her mother will have to beat her for that.