Against my wishes, one of the local radio stations plays “High On You” by Survivor CONSTANTLY. Like, once very 15 minutes or so. Usually, when the song comes on, I scream, start jabbing wildly at the radio with one hand, and start digging around in the car for a CD with the other hand. Any CD will do, really. Even one of the kids’ CDs. I’d rather listen to the soundtrack to Pokemon: The First Movie than listen to “High On You” by Survivor.

Lately, though, for one reason or another, I’ve found myself actually having to hear the song. I’ll be in a store, for instance, and they’ll be playing that station, so I have to hear the song. Or, I’ll be in someone else’s car and won’t have control of the radio. Or, whatever. So I’ve actually paid attention to the lyrics, and I’ve come to the conclusion that “High On You” by Survivor might be the most important rock song ever recorded.

At first, I thought that the song was just stupid. These lyrics go beyond stupid, though. They’re so far beyond stupid that they might actually be smart… like some sort of zen koan that seems to make no sense on the surface but conveys a deeper wisdom within. Or something. Honestly, these lyrics could not have been crafted simply for their own value. On the surface, they are far too idiotic. There must be something more there, some secret code or deeper meaning, that must be cracked. There simply HAS to be something more there. Something secret. Something eternal.

I’m convinced that the secret of life is tied up in the riddle that is “High On You” by Survivor.

I’ve started studying the lyrics, trying desperately to decode them. I’m having no luck so far, but I’ll keep at it. Here’s a look at the lyrics and where I stand in my studies.


There you stood, that’ll teach ya
To look so good and feel so right

My first reaction to these two opening lines is “Sorry, what?” But I’m looking for that deeper meaning now, and I believe that the lyrics indicate that standing somewhere will teach us to look good and feel right. But, where? Where? I must find out, so that I can go stand there.

Let me tell you about the girl I met last night

With this line, the song’s account of a mysterious woman begins…

It’s understood, I had to reach her
I let the wheel of fortune spin

It may be that she works in a casino.

I touched your hand before the crowd
Started rushin’ in

A very popular casino.

Now I’m higher than a kite

The use of narcotics will enable us to better understand the true message of this song.

I know I’m gettin’ hooked on your love

And on narcotics.

Talkin’ to myself, runnin’ in the heat

This will result from overindulgence in narcotics. This is a warning.

Beggin’ for your touch in the middle
Of the street

It will also result in public behavior that is best confined to a private room. Beware.

I can’t stop thinking ’bout you, girl
I must be living in a fantasy world
I’m so high on you

What does that mean? WHAT DOES IT MEAN? I must solve it.

Smart and coy, a little crazy

Alright, back to describing the mystery woman… sounds intriguing so far…

The kinda face that starts a fight

Holy cow! Does she look like Mike Tyson? I suppose that’s part of her enigma, though. She’s smart, coy, somewhat insane, she looks good, she feels right, she works in a casino, and she resembles Mike Tyson. I must remember these clues.

Let me tell you ’bout the girl I had last night
Piercing eyes, like a raven

(Note to self, check aviaries for further clues)

You seemed to share my secret sin

Is it shoplifting? Or back to the narcotics? What could it be?

We were high before the night
Started kickin’ in

It must be the narcotics.

Now I’m screamin’ in the night

Yes, narcotics. Been there.

I know I’m gettin’ hooked on your love
Talkin’ to myself, runnin’ in the heat

Again, honestly, this can lead to no good.

Beggin’ for your touch in the middle
Of the street

This is going to get you arrested.

I’ve searched the whole world over
To find a heart so true
Such complete intoxication
I’m high on you!

Oh, what could it mean? WHAT IS THE ANSWER?!!?? I must get to the bottom of this mystery.