Hot on the heels of Jane Fonda’s sort-of-almost-kind-of-an-apology in her recent autobiography, Democratic Senator Robert C. Byrd of West Virginia laments in his new book that his past membership in the KKK is a matter of public record:

"It has emerged throughout my life to haunt and embarrass me, and has taught me in a very graphic way what one major mistake can do to one's life, career and reputation," the West Virginia Democrat says in an autobiography being released Monday.

“Haunted and embarrassed,” indeed. Have you ever been to West Virginia? Try to find two roads or bridges that aren’t named after Robert C. Byrd. You can’t. Oh, you CAN go to Beckley, West Virginia and cruise down Robert C. Byrd Drive, where, once you cross Robert C. Byrd Bridge, you can stop for a quick meal at the Robert C. Byrd Hardees. I recommend the Robert C. Burger, it’s delicious. And before you leave, be sure and visit the Robert C. Byrd Men’s Room and relieve yourself in one of the three Robert C. Byrd Urinals.

Byrd was quite the lil' booster for the KKK, too:


He recruited 150 members, and when Grand Dragon Joel L. Baskin came to a meeting in Crab Orchard, Byrd was unanimously elected Exalted Cyclops.

"You have a talent for leadership, Bob," Baskin told him. "The country needs young men like you in the leadership of the nation."

Leadership or not, Byrd definitely has a talent for getting pork barrel money into West Virginia and having things named after him. Maybe he can demonstrate that his regret about his past KKK membership is sincere by having a few West Virginia projects named after minority members. How about the George Lopez Dialysis Center? Maybe the OJ Simpson Anger Control Workshop? Or, possibly, the Michael Jackson Center for the Study of Repeat Sexual Offenders.


Byrd says he never resented blacks, Catholics or Jews, but he failed to "examine the full meaning and impact of the ugly prejudice behind the positive, pro-American veneer."

Oh, yeah… that’s believable. If there’s one thing the KKK is known for, it’s their patriotism. Hell, when someone says KKK, the first things that come to my mind are mom, apple pie, and Ol’ Glory. Why, I don’t think about white supremacists! I don’t think about cowards who hide behind hoods while they murder, torture, and destroy! Of course not! I think about the 4th of July.

Speaking of the 4th, since he’s so patriotic, maybe Senator Byrd can arrange for some federal dollars to be sent to the mountain state next month. Just picture it... the Robert C. Byrd Statewide Fireworks Extravaganza! If not, I'm sure Byrd can always arrange for a few cross burnings. The very idea makes me proud to be an American. As they say in West Virginia, "Yeee Ha!"