My local paper, the Roanoke Times, finally quit beating around the bush (no pun intended, I swear to God) and endorsed Kerry. I can’t resist a line-item response:

The Times wants it’s readers to vote for Kerry so that we might “…return to a United States that follows its own people's narrative of its history: a country made stronger by steadily expanding individual liberties to the oppressed. A country whose leaders submit to the rule of law and make war as a last resort only, never as a reckless gamble. A country of vast power that other free nations envy, perhaps, but do not fear.”

Alright, one at a time:

n ...return to a United States that follows its own people's narrative of its history: a country made stronger by steadily expanding individual liberties to the oppressed.


Of course, that IS what we’ve done for two nations full of first-time voters in the Middle East.

n A country whose leaders submit to the rule of law and make war as a last resort only, never as a reckless gamble.


By “submit to the rule of law,” the Times clearly means “submit to the UN.” And anyone who paid any attention to the way the world appeased Saddam during the Clinton administration knows that we did resort to war as a last resort. War, by the way, is always a gamble. And recklessness in war is at best a subjective concept with regard to the Roanoke Times.

n A country of vast power that other free nations envy, perhaps, but do not fear.


God, this pisses me off. Look, I WANT rogue nations and terrorist groups to fear us. I’m not interested in the US’s former reputation, if it ever really existed, as the great benevolent rich uncle nation. I want the US to be seen as a powerful military force with a keen eye for threats and no interest in negotiating with madmen.

n The Times continues:

(The US supported Bush) when he rightly ordered the invasion of Afghanistan, refuge of the masterminds of the 9/11 terrorist attacks. Then Bush squandered his nation's unity and the world's good will.


If there’s a word I am sick of hearing this year, it’s “squandered.” For the five millionth and final time, genuine good will CAN NOT BE SQUANDERED. Genuine good will is not a quid-pro-quo investment made with the expectation that it buys an approved foreign policy. France, Germany, and Russia DID NOT extend genuine good will to the United States as a result of 9/11. Their concern amounted to nothing more than geo-political rubbernecking. Their sentiment amounted to an appraisal of the US as no more capable or prepared to deal with terrorists and rogue nations than they are. They were wrong, and that has made them angry.

n Soon after 9/11, the president told Americans eager to sacrifice for their country that they should go shopping. And he spent his political capital on the wealthy, for huge tax cuts.


Hey! Wow! Turns out, I’m wealthy! YAY! Thank you, President Bush, for the child credit and tax breaks you gave to wealthy blue-collar laborers like me.

I'd write more about that, but a wealthy dude like me just doesn't have the time. After my eight hour shift at the paper mill tonight, Wendy and I are going to a little get-together at the Gates' where we'll drink latte and practice Kabbalah. Or whatever the hell it is that we rich people do these days. Wheeeeeeeee!

Don’t these academic, elitist, psedudo-populist liberals realize that we here amongst the rabble see through that "tax cuts for the rich" bullsh!#?

n John Kerry, unfortunately, has no more credible solution than Bush to the morass in Iraq.


Vote for John Kerry! He has no more credible solution to Iraq than the President!

n But Kerry did not make the mess, and can be expected not to launch easily into another.


Dear God, this is absolutely sublime. For whatever it’s worth, I agree. Kerry didn’t make the mess. Bill Clinton made the mess, through neglect, appeasement, and pussy-footed foreign policy. I also agree that Kerry can be expected not to launch us into much of anything. If at all possible, he’ll do what Clinton did: nothing. Meanwhile, our enemies will capitalize on his indifference and hope for another 9/11-style payoff.

n And his commitment to principles of freedom and justice will draw to his administration a strong corps of advisers schooled in real-world geopolitics.


And we all know that advisers schooled in real-world geopolitics are capable of passing “global tests” with flying colors. I mean, for God’s sake, George W. Bush doesn’t even speak French! Can you imagine?

I’m not a physically violent man. Honestly, I’m not. But reading garbage like this just makes me want to put my hands around the neck of whatever liberal douchebag wrote it and try to shake some sense into him.

SEPTEMBER 11 HAPPENED.

IT MUST NOT HAPPEN AGAIN.

OUR ENEMIES...
ALL OF THEM...
MUST BE CRUSHED.

WHAT PART OF THIS:



DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND?