Leaving the DNC with a full head of steam, the Kerry-Edwards campaign is crossing the nation, making every effort to promise their way into the White House. For those of us who’ve wondered exactly what it is that Kerry has to offer the nation, we now have an answer. He has promises to offer. And lots of them. Kerry has more promises than Carter has liver pills.

Kerry closed the convention by promising a stronger defense, more international respect, lower taxes for working Americans, a better economy, the destruction of Al Qaeda, a bright future, fewer missing pregnant mothers, more staring roles for Parker Posey, and that he personally would put a chocolate mint on the pillow of every American every night of his presidency. OK, I made up the part about Parker Posey. But if we’re gonna shoot for the moon, why hold back? Besides, I love Parker Posey.

Like all campaign promises, Kerry’s were designed to sound good and mean nothing. The problem is, like in everything else, Kerry doesn’t know what he’s doing in the empty promises department, either. By over-extending his reach to the point of satire, Kerry made so many promises that they don’t even sound good. They sound transparently empty. Even academic economists and the Boston Herald don’t buy it:

“Kerry's suggestions that he will seek to close corporate tax loopholes and end corporate welfare are political pandering with little chance of success. More troubling is Kerry's pronouncement that he will not privatize or cut Social Security benefits for retirees - without detailing how to pay for the explosion of costs associated with retiring baby boomers.”

So what does Kerry really have to offer? How about better rhetoric? Make no mistake, on this Kerry is clear. As he told a job-hungry crowd in Pennsylvania, John Kerry’s metaphors are better than George W. Bush’s metaphors. He just isn't impressed with Bush's talk of having "turned a corner."

"Let me tell you something, folks: The last time we had a president who talked about turning a corner, and ran on the slogan of turning the corner, was Herbert Hoover, and he ran on the prospect that 'prosperity is just around the corner.' I don't want to run talking about turning the corner, I'm running to climb the mountain and get to the top. And that's what I'm going to do."

I guess that makes it obvious why the Democrats are more unified than ever before. After all, theirs is a candidate who’s been there and done that:

"Kerry is not your typical Democrat challenger," said his foreign policy advisor Susan Rice. "He is a decorated, battle-hardened veteran. He understands war."

Yep, and he’s still battle-weary after all these years. After all, John Kerry spent more than three months in Vietnam. Almost four whole months, man! He lived it and breathed it for damn near half of one whole tour of duty. Yet, somehow, he emerged from all of that with his ability to speak in metaphors still in tact. And he suffered, too. As Democrats go, he’s practically John-Friggin’-McCain! He suffered three wounds, none of which required hospitalization, and then came home to continue the fight. Of course, when he got home, he was fighting against the soldiers he left behind, but that’s not the point. He’s a fighter. That’s the point. And he’s rested, ready, and raring to go. It’s August, the election is three months away. John Kerry has thousands of miles to cross, millions of hearts to reach, and God knows how many promises to make.

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(Don't Miss Words make the Party by Ken Hughes.)

(By the way, the movie-intensive posts of the last few days were the result of a weekend Wendy and I had without the kids. Being movie geeks, we saw a bunch of movies and I felt compelled to write about them. It's out of my system now. I promise to return to irresponsible liberal baiting.)